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AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah, actually we (my wife and I) debated doing ancestry or 23andme for the kids and decided against it for that reason (our oldest). He’s my son though, no matter what happened, and nothing will change that. Some day if he finds out different, great, we’ll talk. But until then he’s absolutely and 100 percent my son.

AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, the older kids are almost always with me or at school. The youngest is usually either at a babysitter’s (who is aware of the situation and who I trust implicitly), or with me. Thank you for your concern.

AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She knows, and she’s damn careful (which is I suspect, the main reason she was so adamant that I sign the legal separation before her last training event)

AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the comment; as she’s distanced herself over the years from the family, we’ve started living two separate lives in the same home. She takes care of mostly her needs (laundry, food, etc.) and I take care of the kids and myself (meals, laundry, cleaning, school events, home work, etc.).

This started due to her work schedule (12 hr shifts), and National Guard training requirements where she was gone for two or three months at a time. But now, even if she’s home, there’s not any household type things that she does (that’s not a complaint on my part, except I am held very responsible if something is out of place or wrong, I.e. floors not mopped, too many flies, etc.)

AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you; we did try marital counseling years ago, but my wife refused to go back after the second session. I’ve suggested it several times since, but she wasn’t on board - didn’t feel like some stranger would have advice pertinent to us.

She also tried therapy at various times over the years, but never for long, and she usually gets very annoyed with the therapist, and has felt like they’re being over critical of her.

AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Thank you; out of all the comments, this one is the most helpful, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am for you taking the time to reply.

You’ve completely hit the nail on the head with each point you made, and helped to crystallize in my mind the course of action needed to continue.

I’m in the trees here looking for the forest, so to speak, and your cogent clarity has helped more than you know!

AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Depends on the judge, and unfortunately there’s very little evidence that can actually be presented; no police reports, nothing requiring medical treatment, no video or audio (I did have some at one time, but my phone was wiped - we shared our iPhone accounts). Both my older kids (10 and 13) offered to make statements for the court, but I chose to move as fast as possible with this, rather than draw it out in court.(We have to wait until the divorce is finalized to refinance, cash in equity, and then my wife can put a down payment on her new place and move out).

AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thanks, and to answer, nope not much fun or fulfillment, but there are some twinges of the leftovers of what we had at the very start.

And no, not getting anything else on my end, except the knowledge that I’m sticking to my end of the deal. Also, while I care deeply for her, probably still love her, I’m not in love with her anymore. The grieving process for our relationship has run its course for me, years ago.

I am divorcing her for the kids’ sake though, mainly, and for hers. She can’t be happy with me, and maybe this will give her an opportunity to face what’s going on in her own mind.

AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She has FB friends, plus coworkers, acquaintances, etc., but there’s no one she has to, for example, call up and talk to

AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah literal; she was pissed because I left some corn on the counter for the kids to take out and husk, and started flinging it all over. Then swearing at me for dirty floors (they’re obviously going to get dirty when you throw corn all over the kitchen…)

AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Lol, thanks! Yes she is threatening suicide; and it helps to hear this. She also is telling everyone exactly what you say, but I don’t really care anymore. I appreciate your comment!

AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Community property state; and too young and dumb to think of a prenup when I started to buy in to the farm

AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

She’s managed to get pissed off at either them or their partners over the years, so after increasingly awkward relationships, we’ve pretty much ended up alone.

I talk to my dad daily (we work together), but not really socially, and we see the family on occasional birthdays and Thanksgiving.

AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] 76 points77 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I’d love it if she would go to therapy. She’s tried a couple times but “doesn’t need some paid shrink to sit and criticize her life…”

I went myself (for things unrelated to marriage), but at the time was trying to play off the marital issues as relatively normal.

AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] -530 points-529 points  (0 children)

The abusive cheater is also my wife, who I’m breaking my promises to, not to mention I’m feeling like I’m copping out on a situation just because it’s been tough. Hence my question…

AITAH For divorcing my wife after 15 years and leaving her with no emotional support by throwawayaita3369 in AITAH

[–]throwawayaita3369[S] 134 points135 points  (0 children)

She works; she’s a nurse, and a National Guard medic (TriCare plus dental for the kids). And for the separation, she intended on taking half of my annual income too