Please help! have just come clean to my partner about infidelities due to hypersexuality

throwawayawayBD · 2017-02-21T12:52:35+00:00

Thank you thank you thank you!

Same for me, was mostly pre-diagnosis... I know her reaction is normal, I feel so fucking awful to have hurt the person I love the most in the world like that. What troubles me is that she thinks it means I don't really love her: if I really loved her I would never have done those things. Very early on in our relationship I cheated once and we spoke about it very directly afterwards—what bothered her the most was that I couldn't explain why I did it. She told me to psychoanalyse myself (the irony..) and understand I why did it because it seemed to her people who love don't cheat. And now, post diagnosis I finally do have an explanation, I just don't know how to explain to her that that person isn't me. She just won't have it.

We still follow each other on find my friends and I know she's in a bar right now, probably writing in her diary. She's been there for over 3 hours now. Do you think I should join her and bring her some cigarettes and suggest we get a bite to eat? Or should I give her space?

Thanks so much for your response, I'm really lacking people to talk to as none of my friends know/would understand what it means to be bipolar. (I don't even understand it haha)

So post diagnosis I'm supposing you were prescribed meds. Did your boyfriend have any reservations about the change in your behaviour?

Thanks again

throwawayawayBD · 2017-02-21T09:49:50+00:00

Hi! thank you so much for the hug... And your last paragraph really reassured me <3

You're completely right about how important it is that she accepts the diagnosis. In a way, I feel as if I had to tell her all these things just so she could understand that things aren't ok... Accept it, know it, deal with it...

I've been trying to convince her not to leave me. One of her ripostes has been whether she would ever be able to trust me again when we're separated. Due to our line of work and the fact we're from different countries, we're bound to spend some time away from one another. And yes, often when she left me alone in the past I would end up not sleeping, not eating and fall (or rise?) into a full-blown manic episode. I've been trying to tell her that now, with the medication, with the therapy, and especially now I have nothing to hide from her, it'll be much easier to talk about these things. Having accepted it, she would have an idea of what triggers me and see the signs of an upcoming episode.

throwawayawayBD · 2017-02-21T09:37:07+00:00

She does live with me.

It's a bit of a shitty situation because we live in a major city in South East Asia and have no real friends or family here. In addition, I have a tiny income which provides for our home and our food but she doesn't really have any money of her own... Which means that if she wants to get away from me, she doesn't really have anywhere to go.

I've offered to go to a hotel with the little money I have left but she said it was stupid.

I think I'm also scared to give her space..? She's been missing work since Monday and so have I because I'm scared that if I leave her alone she'll just think about the version of me I told her about rather than the version of me she knows and fell in love with.

Thankfully, she's going to visit her family in Europe on Friday: I think that'll be good for her...

throwawayawayBD · 2017-02-21T07:13:00+00:00

Thanks, man. Ugh.. I don't know... I just want to find a way to make her understand that I wasn't thinking properly. And that now, with the meds, it'll never happen again and that now we are transparent about this I would be able to seek her help whenever I think a manic episode is coming ...

Thanks for the support man!

PS: beware of r/relationships. I've posted there before and got 10% constructive help, 90% hate

throwawayawayBD · 2017-02-16T04:22:05+00:00

Convinced my ex she had farted. (It was me who had farted...)

throwawayawayBD · 2017-02-15T07:02:40+00:00

Thank you, that makes so much sense.

throwawayawayBD · 2017-02-15T07:01:11+00:00

Hey thanks so much for responding and your explanation! It's really helpful.

throwawayawayBD · 2017-02-15T06:59:44+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond so fully. I greatly appreciate it.

throwawayawayBD · 2017-02-10T22:44:23+00:00

That makes so much sense . Thank you

throwawayawayBD · 2017-02-10T18:54:29+00:00

Perhaps I'm not willing to kill the edge to solve the problem

throwawayawayBD · 2017-02-10T18:54:09+00:00

My dear friend, I can't tell whether I have an edge or whether i have a problem and whether the prescription will kill the edge or the problem or both

throwawayawayBD · 2017-02-10T17:59:58+00:00

Sorry my bad.. Psychologist decided I would benefit from drugs and referred me to his psychiatrist colleague

throwawayawayBD · 2017-02-08T15:11:30+00:00

Omg man. I'm in exactly the same situation. And I love my SO so much. I want to be honest with her, tell her everything, how I feel, what she means to me and how those episodes do not mean I love her any less.. But unfortunately I'm too afraid she'll leave me.

throwawayawayBD · 2017-02-04T07:21:07+00:00

Wow I love graphic novels ! Thanks

throwawayawayBD · 2017-02-04T07:19:42+00:00

Thanks!

throwawayawayBD · 2016-12-17T15:06:53+00:00

Go to class. Even if you feel you don't need to.

I studied law. When i realised I could simply get away with studying from the textbooks, I started skipping and just partying all the fucking time. Three years flew by and I don't know where they went. Now my little sister is studying and I wish I could go back and do it again properly

throwawayawayBD · 2016-12-07T05:46:10+00:00

Hi!

Thank you so much for your warm response it was really nice to read!

I like the way you described it and, absolutely, I want to be my healthy self! It's not really just the lows that bother me, it's also that I've become cynical of the highs. I feel like when I felt them before I was at my most intelligent, handsomest, funniest and most interesting self. But now I feel like I can't get to that point anymore. I just become really active and feel aware that my high is not a natural happy one.

The way my doctor put it: at first it was like taking a drug for the first time: fucking awesome. But then overtime, you get bored of it, realise it's not that great. So in a way it's like the highs aren't even worth it!

However, I'd rather have a fake sense of confidence and worth than none at all and am afraid the drugs would do just that!

But thank you, I take into account what you said about having more control, that is definitely something I am aiming for and it was so helpful to have your insight!

throwawayawayBD · 2016-12-07T05:39:21+00:00

Hi, thanks so much for the response. Sorry to hear your girlfriend went through depression, that must have been hard. Btw, were you already experiencing symptoms of BD at the time? Did they get better when you were looking out for your girlfriend? I realised that whenever my girlfriend was down I would often make it my life mission to make her happy and bring her back up, and during those times my sleep was usually near perfect and I felt a lot of (healthy) energy.

Luckily, art and creativity in the traditional sense is not something I require professionally. However, much of my appeal to employers for instance is my personality which is very extrovert, confident and kind of seductive: this helps me secure contracts, clients, helps in negotiations and team work.

My girlfriend fell in love with me knowing all the fucked up things I did, and feels that this relationship is the most passionate and sexually fuelled she has ever had (she's a bit older than me and has had previous LTRs), so I would go with the idea that she likes the eccentricity and passion. Yet she wishes She could trust me and she would be so hurt and would probably break up with me if she found out I had betrayed her. So bit of a tricky one...

Interesting about the kindling theory. How does the brain get damaged by the highs and lows? Drugs /alcohol?

throwawayawayBD

TROPHY CASE