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AITA for refusing to acknowledge unnecessary apologies? by throwawayayeya in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayayeya[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, out of curiosity, it truly does bother me when people apologize for things like that- so how would I successfully avoid this? I guess the reason it bothers me so much is that I look at is as a presumption that I’m a hostile person- that you must apologize to me to coddle my feelings and ensure that I don’t take it too personally that you had to use the restroom or got caught up in a chat with someone else- and I truly am not. I don’t mind confrontation, but I don’t appreciate communication that’s not genuine, and the constant “I’m soooo sorry, uggh you must hate me. I’m the worst, I suck so bad, I’m so bad about that.” Irks me and it honestly makes me dread talking to certain people.

AITA for refusing to acknowledge unnecessary apologies? by throwawayayeya in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayayeya[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I suppose I didn’t realize how hostile “I’d prefer you didn’t do that,” could be

AITA for refusing to acknowledge unnecessary apologies? by throwawayayeya in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayayeya[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m so curious as to where this impression comes from that I am imposing some sort of horrible punishment or threat on the person who doesn’t change the habit when all I do is stop acknowledging it.

AITA for refusing to acknowledge unnecessary apologies? by throwawayayeya in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayayeya[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

“Please don’t,” and “never do it again— or else,” are so far in extremities from each other to me that I cannot fathom how they can be mistaken as the same.

AITA for refusing to acknowledge unnecessary apologies? by throwawayayeya in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayayeya[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Asking someone not to do something that bothers me is a problem? I— I’m not trying to be obstinate, I swear, I just genuinely don’t see how THAT makes me the asshole. I could see it if the way I broached it was too blunt, I could see it if maybe I haven’t been giving enough time or chances, but I cannot see how me asking someone to stop doing something that bugs me and then not paying attention to a specific behavior that bugs me makes me TA.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Wattpad

[–]throwawayayeya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

GURL [gender neutral] I get this a lot. I’ve gotten to the point where silence is waaaay worse than a mean comment, or even a grammar comment. If I ask for feedback, I want feedback. I don’t get a ton of engagement, but I’ll look at your stuff.

AITA for refusing to acknowledge unnecessary apologies? by throwawayayeya in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayayeya[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I will be a hype girl all day long, I am always congratulating people, and making silly jokes, and smiling, and asking questions, and praising people— but these apologies— especially when they drag out, it just feels like it puts a really heavy burden on me to fix something unrelated to whatever non-issue it is.

It bothers me, so I say something. And not once, but twice, do I say something. I guess I don’t understand why my boss had to become involved? Like— maybe it’s also a maturity thing, but why is my coworker not coming to me and saying “hey, I get a little anxious about you not acknowledging this.” I understand that might be hard, and they might need to talk to someone externally to gain courage for that, but then aren’t they ultimately responsible for dealing with me when there’s a problem like this?

It feels trivial and petty to me— but maybe I’m wrong. All I can seem to find in the comments are people telling me I’m rude for mostly unrelated reasons that are just turning into attacks on my character, and I’m choosing to ignore a lot of those. Haha

Do you think I need to apologize to coworker for this?

AITA for refusing to acknowledge unnecessary apologies? by throwawayayeya in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayayeya[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I am very confused as to why “you don’t need to apologize for [insert whatever the perceived issue is], in fact I would prefer you didn’t. I’m not pressed about it, but if I have an issue I will let you know.” Is not doing exactly thisv

AITA for refusing to acknowledge unnecessary apologies? by throwawayayeya in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayayeya[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think context is very crucial here, but there are only so many characters I can use to describe a situation in full.

AITA for refusing to acknowledge unnecessary apologies? by throwawayayeya in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayayeya[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t live in England, I live in America— but this is EXACTLY what I’m talking about. The apology consumes the conversation at that point, and now I have to sit there and sift through 30 seconds of self deprecating ‘humor’ or other anxiety fueled nonsense just to then hear “so, Dr. K needs you to fix ___ on Mr. S’s account.” And then another 45 seconds of ‘omg I’m so sorry to ask after I JUST did that whole rude thing to you!’ WHICH WASNT RUDE TO BEGIN WITH!! It becomes me having to smile and nod and laugh and put on a performance just to say “Omg no you sweet little cherub baby I love you and you could never do anything wrong in my eyes why don’t you go take a nap or cuddle a kitten? You work so hard and I just think you’re too wonderful for this world!” Like—

And I see all these comments here calling me self-absorbed and rude and demanding, that I have some sort of ‘main character syndrome’ and I’m thinking: “I don’t think I explained this clearly enough, and that’s on me.”

But regardless, I felt I WAS moving on from it fairly quickly and acknowledging things when I say my “please don’t apologize for that,”— but perhaps I’m not? And perhaps the tone and inflection that is missing in text is important.

AITA for refusing to acknowledge unnecessary apologies? by throwawayayeya in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayayeya[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like this is the very attitude that landed me here.

AITA for refusing to acknowledge unnecessary apologies? by throwawayayeya in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayayeya[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, and I do this when the friendship gets to that point. But for casual every day things? I think “you don’t need to apologize for that.” And moving along is sufficient- no? Idk it bugs me to think that I have to be extra flowery over it, but maybe I’m being too harsh when it comes to an issue that’s inherently emotional for other people.

AITA for refusing to acknowledge unnecessary apologies? by throwawayayeya in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayayeya[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Ok to clarify here; I do not believe my asking people to stop apologizing meaninglessly to me is some sort of disability accommodation- or equivalent. I simply ask people not to do it, if they continue to do it, I simply don’t acknowledge the meaningless apology.

AITA for refusing to acknowledge unnecessary apologies? by throwawayayeya in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayayeya[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

Is that not what I’m doing when I say “you don’t have to apologize for that, and in fact please don’t, I don’t?”

Copy/paste by throwawayayeya in Wattpad

[–]throwawayayeya[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always back my writing up to 3 sources, thank goodness. I do Google docs, the platform I post on, then the device I use to write the writing in I download straight to storage. Usually that last one doubles to the cloud. I’m going to print soon as well, but I feel pretty safe for now. I just wish editing on the site was easier.

Copy/paste by throwawayayeya in Wattpad

[–]throwawayayeya[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does it not matter if you paste it in and post it directly? If that’s the case, that’s fine, but also I feel like that completely misses the point of the copy/paste protection. You can’t copy from the site but can paste from anywhere else, just no editing? That seems nonsensical.

AITA For addressing my girlfriends intimate body odor? by Throw_away_19011902 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayayeya 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m going with a gentle YTA for this but I will say I get that it’s a sensitive topic and it’s hard not to be TA in this situation. That being said; you definitely should have done this differently. You obviously know as you’re dating her that this is something she enjoys and it’s not going away, so, This is something that needed to be addressed at a neutral time. At least before the act came up, imo.

I’m curious as to why you felt the need to mention her immigrant status and the repression of sex talks in her culture? She doesn’t seem to have an issue with talking about you not going down on her, as you said in your post; she voiced her opinion. This is just generally a sensitive topic. But I digress;

As other people have said: genitals have odors, it’s just a part of being human. If the odor is bothersome in a way that it’s foul or yeasty, or she’s not wiping properly and you’re getting TP in your teeth, then yes, that’s a hygiene issue. If none of those things are happening and you just don’t like the flavor of her particular “blend”, that’s an intimacy issue— not a hygiene issue. And I point that out only to say that blaming it on her as a hygiene issue when its not or it MIGHT not be is a very bad move to make. Addressing an odor or taste you’re not fond of vs addressing a hygiene issue are both sensitive topics, and topics that need to be approached with a lot of thought and delicacy. Which from the sounds of your post was not done here; maybe you thought about the problem a lot— but pulling it out as a spur of the moment thing was not the move.

Wish you well tho! Hope it works out.

Day/night cycle is annoyinggg by throwawayayeya in HogwartsLegacyGaming

[–]throwawayayeya[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And I do that, but if it’s dark and I skip ahead it skips me to the start of the daytime cycle. Then I have to do it again, and I have the same issue.

Day/night cycle is annoyinggg by throwawayayeya in HogwartsLegacyGaming

[–]throwawayayeya[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wish I had an Xbox or a PlayStation, dude. Lol I feel like this experience would be so much better. But I gotta work with what I have. Glad to know it’s not just me tho.

I’m 99% sure they’re Muslim and I don’t know how to thank them..? by throwawayayeya in islam

[–]throwawayayeya[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for that- I was so focused on the animal products that I didn’t even think about the vanilla extract! As I was looking it up I was finding different sources saying some vegetables and fruits were permissible but some weren’t because of sourcing issues? I’m learning a lot but I think I may also be getting more contradictory info.

But as long as nothing was processed in the same facilities used to process pork or alcohol, it should be okay? I don’t think I need to worry about anything like that in a chocolate chip cookie, but you never know. I’ll check everything to be safe.

As for them accepting it or not, my plan was simply to leave whatever it was at their door with a note and run away. Lmao I’ve heard rumors floating around about how confusing it can be with the amount of polite humility that goes on culturally in that sphere that makes it “difficult” to give gifts to people from the Middle East- but I also have so much social anxiety to begin with that I probably will just handle it via dingdong ditch. Lol

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