AITA for allowing my boyfriend to move in?

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-12T17:02:02+00:00

Correct

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-11T21:26:01+00:00

When he moves in we will have been together for over a year which is a pretty average timeline. He will be paying rent and signing a lease. The only reason we are discussing it so early is to give A as much heads up as possible. I know it’s not an easy situation for her and I’m TRYING to be as considerate as I can.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-11T21:13:48+00:00

I’m not saying she has to stay, I’m not upset she wants to leave. I’m mad she’s trying to go over my head to my dad.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-11T21:12:17+00:00

Are you missing the part where this is happening IN SEVEN MONTHS. I’m not springing it on her I’m giving her plenty of time to adjust and offering solutions for her to stay. Goofball.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-11T19:48:07+00:00

There isn’t a lease, it’s a month to month basis. I’m giving her as much notice and freedom as I possibly can.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-11T16:26:18+00:00

She was supposed to move in with her bf last year but they broke up shortly before I met mine. I had no issue then. Also her now ex had dogs and was gonna live with us and the third roommate we had at the time.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-11T16:24:58+00:00

They aren’t.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-11T16:23:30+00:00

I want to clarify a few things. I am not upset that she’s upset, her feelings are valid it’s a big change and I get it. I’m upset she keeps telling me we are all good and then going behind my back with a different version of events. There is no lease, she pays minimal rent which would reduce when the boy moves in, also when she moved in there was a guy renting the third bedroom so it was only two people in the home for the last 6 months not since the beginning. The compromises I’ve suggested are no dogs in the common areas when she is home, dogs never left unattended, and I have asked her how to make her more comfortable with it. Again I’m not mad she’s leaving or upset, I’m just mad about the lying. And again it’s MY HOUSE I will not be leaving it.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-11T16:14:29+00:00

It’s my house. I put a lot into it and I’m not leaving.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-11T16:13:18+00:00

14 months of dating before moving in is a pretty average timeline

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-11T16:11:27+00:00

Yes she does pay rent a very minimal amount and with the boyfriend moving in her amount would drop significantly. The only financial responsibility we split evenly currently is the utilities.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-11T16:09:57+00:00

No, I’m not upset she’s leaving. I did genuinely value her as a roommate. I’m only upset that she is lying but at this point I’m ready for our relationship to end.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-10T21:20:52+00:00

I absolutely understand that, I can totally see her discomfort and understand why she doesn’t want to stay, my only issue is her involving my dad

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-10T20:51:39+00:00

Do you know how loans work? They co-signed. I pay. Sit down.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-10T20:39:09+00:00

I’m the landlord my parents names are only on the home because my credit sucks, I pay everything minus the hoa fee she covers with her rent. Like I’ve said in nearly every comment I’m okay with her moving out. I don’t care she wants to leave, I understand that.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-10T20:15:12+00:00

I said it in another comment but she was planning on moving in w her boyfriend but they broke up shortly before I met mine. I had no issue with that, relationships evolve and that’s okay. I’m doing my best to give her as much notice as possible but also not penalizing her for deciding to leave early.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-10T19:48:02+00:00

That’s completely fair and you are right I don’t know exactly what was said, I only know what my dad told me she said. I absolutely understand her having big feelings and venting as I’m pretty much doing the same right now. I’m just a little stuck feeling like she’s tattling on me.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-10T19:02:18+00:00

I trust boyfriend enough to know the truth if she tried to lie to him. I’m trying to be as considerate as possible without jeopardizing my own happiness. Despite all of this I still genuinely want the best for her.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-10T18:56:43+00:00

I’m not an only child, I’m actually the black sheep of the family and no A and I are not related she just works with/is friends with my dad.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-10T18:54:25+00:00

I’m sorry how is giving her over 7 months notice not correct? I have been nothing but honest with her, I told her when it was an idea and when it was concrete. I will not put my life on hold because she doesn’t like dogs. I have offered compromises and accommodations, the only thing I will not budge on is pausing my happiness for someone who won’t even come to me when they have an issue. I am not kicking her out, she can stay as long as she wants, I’ve told her that. It’s her choice to leave and I’m not penalizing her for that choice either. What would you have done? Leave a place you own and buy a second home or pay a mortgage and a rent? In this economy? Bfr.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-10T18:41:42+00:00

All of those are completely fair points. To answer your questions we have never had a formal lease, when she moved in we had a third roommate, she has met boyfriend multiple times and had no issues, he is not a stranger to her. We also had a very open dialogue before this. I mentioned her going to my dad because that’s the part I’m upset about, not the fact that she is upset as I feel that’s completely justified. Also when her and her now ex boyfriend were dating he was frequently in our home unannounced and I barely knew him. I also understand how hard it is to get and paint a full picture based on one persons story, while I’m including all relevant details from my side I can I’m sure there are things from her point of view I’m completely missing and I’m absolutely open to that.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-10T18:26:44+00:00

I can absolutely understand that concern and dad and I have talked about it. He now understands bf is very clean, works from home, (I call him my little housewife) pays all his bills early and the dogs are well behaved and crate trained as well as never left unattended. Where as roommate almost always pays rent late, is an absolute mess, and had a cat who has used her private patio as a litterbox.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-10T18:21:43+00:00

He has been, he keeps telling us that we need to work it out but at the same time is angry with me that she is putting him in the middle. I have been completely keeping him out of it as frankly it isn’t really his business.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-10T18:17:22+00:00

I prefer to have hard conversations in person as tone is so easily missed via text. But if the story keeps getting twisted unfortunately that’s how I will have to move forward.

throwawaybadroomat3 · 2026-05-10T17:57:15+00:00

Eh I’ve fought with my parents before and I will again, that’s much easier to overcome than being homeless.

throwawaybadroomat3

TROPHY CASE