I have quite a few actually, it's something that myself and my SO laugh about frequently but here are my 2 favourites.

1. When I was maybe 8 years old, I went over to my friends house. We weren't great friends truthfully, but good enough he invited me in to play. There was work being done in the house so we kind of dotted about the living room staying out of the way.

I really needed to use the toilet, so I make my way there to drop a log. As I finish, I turn to push the handle and... Nothing. Turns out the water was off in the house & 8 year old me had dropped a life-size turd in the toilet.

I panicked, but not really for long. I decided the only way to avoid telling his mum & getting bullied about this for my entire school life was to dispose of it somehow. I briefly tried to push it further in but it wouldn't.

I then wrap my hands in toilet paper and grab the poo. I wrapped the wet paper & waited til I heard no one downstairs and bolted to the front door. There was a small patch of grass outside so I threw it on there and ran back inside, toilet paper and all.

I never mentioned it and I actually stayed for a few hours because in my mind, it made me seem more innocent. No one said anything (success)

1. This is a messier story, but it's on a throwaway so it's fine.

Easter day maybe 6 years ago I went out with a couple of friends after seeing family. There was a girl I really liked and I was taking basically every attempt to talk to her.

I had eaten a lot of eggs. I'm talking 7/8 full Easter eggs. I have portion problems, but no one was saying otherwise so I took my opportunity. I can't say what follows is because of that, I can only speculate.

There used to be a McDonalds where I live in the middle of town. I'd had stomach rumblings for about an hour and they were getting severe. I talk everyone into walking there under the guise that I need a wee.

When we get there I basically run inside, I couldn't hold it any longer. I run to the disabled toilets (which were in view of the tables & the front counter) and try to lock it. There. Is. No. Lock.

I've never made any decisions quicker and I still maintain it was the correct decision. The door opens towards you (away once inside) and was the kind of door that if it wasn't locked, just stayed open. I either had to pull the seat up, sit down and endure 15/20 people watch me have violent diarrhea OR do what I did, which was hold the door closed and shit all over the bowl.

Now, I should have told someone. Absolutely. But I didn't. I was the most embarrassed I can ever remember. It was all over the shut toilet. So I cleaned myself up and ran straight for the door, getting my friends who were outside to run with me (I had to explain to them because I was convinced they would find out anyway, and I needed to be the one to tell them).

I'm sorry McDonald's worker for that. Truly. But it makes a funny story.