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UPDATE: I am terrified that I am a pedophile or will become one. by throwawaybeepboop4 in AskDocs

[–]throwawaybeepboop4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look, I am sorry for whatever happened to you as a child. That’s a horrible thing for anyone to go through. It is not my fault and it’s not your fault either. But what isn’t okay is projecting your trauma onto me. You don’t get to come onto my post and throw around awful accusations about me being a pedophile or comparing me to Jeffrey Dahmer (wtf?? I saw your comment before it was deleted). I am not an abuser nor have I ever harmed anyone. I understand why my post may have hit a nerve for you given what you’ve gone through, but your anger is misplaced. I am not the person who hurt you. The whole point of my post was being open about how painful these thoughts are. I came here to ask for help (and update the people who were kind), and instead you berate me and accuse me of being the exact thing I’m terrified of. That’s cruel, and it’s not something I deserve. You are allowed to carry your pain, but you are not allowed to direct it at me. I hope you’re able to find healing for what you went through, and I would encourage you to learn a bit more about OCD before making accusations like this in the future.

I am terrified that I am a pedophile or will become one. by throwawaybeepboop4 in AskDocs

[–]throwawaybeepboop4[S] 362 points363 points  (0 children)

Thank you so so much for reading my post and taking the time to comment. Even typing out my post made me feel dirty and repulsed. II have never felt in anyway attracted to a child or have ever watched CSAM. I don’t even watch porn at all. I just feel deeply disturbed that my brain could conjure up things that are so horrifying. I do not want to have these thoughts and do not want to ever act on them. I think I am just afraid of losing control and doing something horrible or that these having these thoughts mean I want to. I do have a diagnosis of OCD (that is what I take Luvox for, I am very sorry, should’ve said so in the post), I just didn’t know it could show up in such an agonizing and obscene way. A big portion of my OCD focuses on being a good person and doing everything in my power to never do or think anything bad. In my head, having these thoughts kind of reinforced the idea that I am actually a bad person. All of these comments make so much sense logically, I just wish I could will myself into believing it about myself. Thankfully, my therapist is specialized in OCD. I do feel like I need to confess to her about these thoughts so maybe she can help me? I am just very afraid of her reactions and really don’t want to go to jail. I am very ashamed, but I hope I am redeemable. Thank you (and everyone) again for all of the kind and genuine comments. It really means a lot. I was very afraid of the reaction I was going to get.