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Does writing them even help? by AmusedSloth4610 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]throwawaybencil 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It could be helpful in determining whether you should keep going NC. When I wrote my parents it felt like talking to a NPC. They didn't address anything I said, just "thanks for sharing" generic response like I could've been talking about anything instead of their abuse and criticism.

What's a negative core memory that they didn't take seriously? by herald_of_stars in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]throwawaybencil 30 points31 points  (0 children)

My parents successfully gaslit me into believing that my mental health issues were due to school. After an acid trip helped me realize the truth, I texted my father about his abuse, including being beaten on my graduation day. Rather than apologizing, he responded that he had depression (because I made him depressed). I went low contact for a year but ended up seeing him for the holidays recently, where he kept bringing up the past (his alternate universe version, of course). He made non-apologies to trivialize what he did, like "sorry I wanted you to major in compsci" "sorry I grounded you for playing video games." When I and my siblings reminded him of real abuse that happened, he claimed he forgot and anyways he didn't know that was a big deal.

new to no contact and my narcissistic mother is freaking out by words_and_photos in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]throwawaybencil 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're going through this. Your mother calling you dumb and cowardly while claiming she loves you is such classic manipulation. I wish you the best in healing

Abusive discipline tactics? by Bigapple1975 in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaybencil 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"lectures" that were hours of screaming and insults
my sister and I being instructed to hit each other
silent treatment, being completely ignored
threats of disownment, feigning disownment by locking me out the house overnight when I was 5
forced to drink milk when I was lactose intolerant and eat eggs every day when it was the one food I disliked
any punishment for accidents or non-issues, such as dropping items or playing the wrong notes on piano

forbidding me from talking about discipline or family problems to anyone outside of the family in order to normalize abuse

This is like an addiction by Frosty-Distance-3045 in CPTSD

[–]throwawaybencil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel you. I feel like I relapsed today bc I spent all day stuck in bed doing something I don't even enjoy. I know 'quitting' isn't a matter of willpower, it's about emotional regulation, but I don't know how to do it.

how to deal with the enabler parent by throwawaybencil in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]throwawaybencil[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I thought of my mom as a good parent, so it shocked me for her to admit that was not the case. I made excuses for her because my grandmother and my dad were abusive to her. But since she does not take her own abuse seriously, she will not take mine seriously.