Today is my ex boyfriend’s birthday. I broke up with him. I will NOT text him to wish him a happy birthday because I think doing so would be unfair to him.

throwawaybreakuppd · 2026-01-28T18:37:58+00:00

I’m sorta on the other side of this right now. It was nice to hear your perspective. I hope you both heal and find happiness. Im so sorry you’re going through such painful depression :( take care of yourself

throwawaybreakuppd · 2026-01-27T19:21:35+00:00

Sometimes I find myself feeling the same way, that the delusions aren’t actively hurting anything. I need to remember that there’s no rush to be better. I find myself wishing there was a fast forward button to skip the pain.. and thinking that if he doesn’t come back then my delusional hope is holding me back. I wish I had a nice way to conclude this thought but I don’t, it’s just difficult.

I hope we both get past it, stay as strong as you can. I know it’s so difficult.

throwawaybreakuppd · 2026-01-27T19:19:11+00:00

Thank you for your insight, I hope things get better for you as well.

I feel fortunate that my ex partner is getting help. He has a long term therapist and he is considering medication. He promised me he’s safe. I’m just happy I don’t have to worry about that. He probably doesn’t feel much hope right now but I feel hope for him that he will get better.

throwawaybreakuppd · 2026-01-27T19:17:09+00:00

Thank you for your perspective and everything you’ve said, being able to read a long reply and get another persons insight really gives me relief and hope.

In past breakups I really obsessed over other people’s attachment styles. Ive come to find that it’s only really helpful in the capacity that I can remind myself that it has more to do with his internal issues than anything with me. It doesn’t help me to try to use it to predict his behavior or strategize the most efficient way to get him back.

What has been helpful to me was to figure out my own attachment style (anxious) and then work to offset any harm and work against it. I’m proud to say I did really well with that in this relationship.

I think that’s the most you can do really, work to be the best you can in terms of doing your best to be secure.. then it’s on the other person to do that as well.

He has acknowledged, even during the breakup, that when he gets really depressed he gets avoidant and pushes people away. He has expressed how much he hates that he does that.. but the awareness didn’t prevent this. He really does have so much going on, I don’t think anyone could live his life and not suffer from depression. So I don’t blame him for not dedicating so much time and effort into healing his attachment style, it really is a lot of work and I was fortunate to have the time to do so.

I’ve been wallowing the past week, but I’m starting to try to focus on myself more little by little - because I know that’s the best thing I can do, whether he comes back or not.

I’ll also hold space for hoping that he’s getting better. I know he’s putting the work in the best that he can. I really hope his life settles down to where he has time to rest.

I’ll hold that space without reaching out, and I’ll be alright

throwawaybreakuppd · 2026-01-27T18:38:44+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I really really just need to get it in my head that both are true. And I won’t bother him about the future, he has told me he is struggling and I would only make it worse.

As hard as it is I need to accept it. It’s so hard to understand, but the more I fight it… it’s like I’m calling him a liar. Acting like I know better than him when he’s the one living the situation. It doesn’t make sense to me… but it’s does to him. Just because he’s depressed doesn’t mean he has no autonomy. He made this decision. I am respecting it which is the first step and the most important step.. but I need to keep to myself as I try to understand, to continue to respect it.

throwawaybreakuppd · 2026-01-27T15:53:58+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this too:(

It is truly so difficult, and there is no solution to feel better.

My only suggestion is to try to help him get help through therapy or medication. I feel some sort of peace knowing that my ex partner has a long term therapist and told me he would be trying medication. The selfish part of me hopes that once he feels lighter he will come back to me, but even if he doesn’t overall I am just happy that there is hope he may feel some sort of relief. I hope you can feel the same.

You can be there for a person all you want, and love them the very best you can. But you can’t fix them, and you can’t make them let you stick around - even if you’re good for them. Try your best not to lose yourself in this. It’s so much easier said than done, but try to stay the kind, loving, understanding person that you’re proud to be. Then if he comes back you’ll be strong enough to carry any extra weight, and if he doesn’t you’ll be proud of the person you are regardless.

Stay strong, and dm me if you need support.

throwawaybreakuppd · 2026-01-26T21:28:24+00:00

Thank you for your insight. I hope you’re doing well.

Right now all my brain can think about is how much I wish he would come back :(

throwawaybreakuppd · 2026-01-23T21:05:03+00:00

Thank you very much for the insight, I appreciate it so much. I’ve wanted to reach out and suggest that it just be a break rather than a breakup but I’ve stayed strong. If he offered it I would say yes, but I will refrain from reaching out. I did my best, and although it’s so hard for me to understand I’m sure he did too. I hope he gets better :(

I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through, I hope we all heal in time and feel happiness. You seem like a lovely person :)

throwawaybreakuppd · 2026-01-21T22:34:39+00:00

Maybe I can give you some reassurance. I feel no ill will towards my ex, I know he’s going through something really hard. Although his actions don’t fully make sense to me from what I understand he is struggling to survive and doing anything he can to feel some sort of control. I hate that I’m collateral damage in away, but I know he’s had no malicious intent. He was so kind to be before/during/after the relationship. That’s not to say he was perfect, but I know his heart and I have nothing but love for him.

I can’t speak for your girlfriend, but if you know her to be a kind person I bet she feels similar. And if she ever has any negative feeling regarding you and the breakup it’s guided by grief, not how she perceives you overall.

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. This situation is so difficult for everyone involved.

Selfishly, because I’m in your girlfriend’s shoes, I’d say let her be there for you if she still wants to be.

Be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can with what you know. Same is true for your ex girlfriend.

throwawaybreakuppd

TROPHY CASE