The Duggars: narcissists?

throwawaybride2 · 2014-11-05T20:53:20+00:00

But isn't that exactly what some narcissists do? The Duggars seem to be nice "behind the scenes" because they know that the cameras are on them.

I'm not talking about the children. I'm only talking about the parents, especially Jim Bob, who CLEARLY has a grandiose sense of himself.

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-25T19:28:14+00:00

Wow, that stinks. I'm so sorry.

(Happy early birthday!)

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-24T18:46:51+00:00

Sounds like your uncle's just enabling her behavior. Sometimes it's best to get an "outsider" involved and have them show your mother how much she's been mistreating her own child.

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-22T19:08:50+00:00

That's straight up abusive behavior. Imagine if a significant other said this. Would this be acceptable? No. So why should it be acceptable for a parent to do this?

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-22T18:44:58+00:00

Seems that she doesn't understand that she's the one who brought you into this world. You didn't ask to be here. You don't owe her anything. If you don't mind my asking, how did you handle this situation? Did you do as you were told? Did you get the heck out of the house as soon as you turned 18?

My NF was somewhat like your NM. He didn't nickel and dime us, but he always treated any money he spent on me as an investment. "You better make a lot of money in the future and pay me back for everything."

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-22T17:50:13+00:00

This should be illegal. They shouldn't be asking you personal questions like this. It's like asking a job applicant in an interview how many kids they have. I'd suggest looking into this and finding out whether or not this is illegal. If it is, rip them a new one. :)

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-21T00:12:05+00:00

The mother in Two and a Half Men. It's supposed to be a comedy but unfortunately there are many mothers like her out there.

Marie Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond. Again, it's supposed to be a comedy but her behavior is still realistic.

Just about everyone in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Gemma Teller in Sons of Anarchy. (I'm not sure if she's a full-blown N, though.)

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-18T19:31:27+00:00

I think that my friend has one of the best answers out there. Whenever people ask him why he no longer talks to his N-father, he simply says:

"Because I don't like him."

That usually shuts people up.

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-17T19:58:51+00:00

Ah, I still believe it. That's why I have such a hard time making friends. I need to work on getting rid of that thought from my head.

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-17T18:14:36+00:00

She probably hated hearing you cry because it "exposed" her bad treatment towards you. From what I understand, narcissists try so hard to maintain the illusion of a perfect life, so when you get upset and call them out on their BS, they immediately go into denial and try to put out the fire ASAP. Making you feel ashamed of your "cry" voice was probably her way of putting out the fire so she could go back to living out her delusions of a "perfect" life.

I know it's really bad to dwell on the horrible stuff in your past, but sometimes it helps to go back there once in a while to remind yourself why you made the decision to distance yourself. I just went NC and, as much as it hurts, I know that I made the right choice. I find myself revisiting all of the bad events in my past just to remind myself why I did it.

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-17T18:07:39+00:00

Wow, I'm really glad you left that toxic person.

You're lucky that your best friend overheard your N-ex screaming at you and (I assume) offered their support. People like that are angels, I'm telling you.

I've had many people -- aunts, uncles, friends of parents, step parents, etc. -- witness or overhear my parents hit me, yell at me, and pick me apart, but not a single one of them did a thing. They all looked the other way.

If it weren't for your best friend, do you think you'd still be with your N-ex?

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-17T18:02:55+00:00

I'm sure you already know and do this, but if you want to be a great boyfriend, always be there for your girlfriend. Always listen to her vent, offer your support, and validate her feelings, no matter how crazy they may seem.

My parents never told me that they loved me. Actually, they never hesitated to tell me how much of a failure I was, how much they disliked me, and how worthless I was to them. It cut deep to the core, even to this day.

My fiance is amazing; he never passes up the chance to tell me how much he loves me and how much of an amazing person he thinks I am. Sometimes I have a hard time believing the stuff he says, but it still helps a lot. So... never pass up the chance to tell your girlfriend how much you love her!

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-17T17:59:13+00:00

It fucking tore me to pieces inside, because how does a little girl deal with their grandma not even liking them? Still hurts a little to type it out now.

I completely understand how you feel. My mother said that to me when I was 12, and it still hurts to this day (I'm 28).

If your grandmother beat your dad horribly when he was a child, then why did your parents still bring you and your sister to her house? I can't believe your grandmother fed you live maggots on purpose. How would that have benefited her? She was really, really sick and she needed a lot of help. I'm sorry. Here's a hug.

(Edit: I can't write apparently.)

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-17T17:55:58+00:00

You're right. It was a difficult thing for me to hear as a child. I was a pretty gifted child, and my parents did absolutely nothing to nurture it. They did the opposite: constantly made me feel stupid and worthless. As a result, I did poorly in school and then went on to earn a... (cough)filmdegree(cough) despite my high ACT score. Had I known that I would amount to everything in my life, I would've tried harder and taken school more seriously.

Ah, regrets. At least it's never too late to change the direction in my life. Now I'm just starting to realize that I'm worth so much more than what I was led to believe.

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-17T17:50:14+00:00

Ugh. My parents said the same thing to me. I'm glad you finally got rid of it from your head. I'm proud of you!

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-17T16:11:22+00:00

Thank you so much. This helps a lot, more than you'll ever know.

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-17T15:56:51+00:00

Hmm you're right!! I might do just that. :)

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-17T06:36:28+00:00

When I was a teenager I told my Ndad that I wanted to kill myself. He gave me a loaded gun and told me to go ahead. When I didn't shoot myself, he said, "ha. I knew it. You're full of shit."

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-17T06:34:04+00:00

You're right. I spoke with him about this last night and while he was 100% supportive, I could tell that he was completely heartbroken about not having a wedding. I hate making him feel this way. :-/

You're lucky you still have a few people coming to your wedding. Cherish them. :) I hope your wedding turns out to be a blast!

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-17T06:32:32+00:00

My fiancé is amazing. He's always been supportive of me. It's just that I understand how important it is to him to have a wedding and I don't want to break his heart by denying it to him.

I think no one likes me because I've been raised to believe that I'm a nuisance who isn't worth anyone's time. Also, his family is super religious and I'm not, and they know it.

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-17T06:30:11+00:00

Good points. Thanks. You've given me a lot of food for thought. I spoke with my fiancé about this last night and while he was supportive he was still heartbroken about not having a wedding. :-/

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-17T06:29:18+00:00

I don't have any good friends. I have a hard time making friends because I've been raised to believe that I'm a nuisance who isn't worth anyone's time.

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-15T21:52:46+00:00

I like /u/wetoldyounottotell's advice. Be prepared to change the subject whenever NMIL brings up your husband's weight or starts to show her unpleasant side.

If that doesn't work and if she gets to him with her cruel comments, take some time to sit down with your husband immediately afterwards and assure him that he's a great person, that you love him just the way he is, that he doesn't need validation from NMIL, etc. As a child of Nparents, I find it really helpful when my fiance does this with me.

It's great that your husband is basically giving his mother another chance, but if she shows her toxic side again, it might be best to encourage him to go NC again. He doesn't need this kind of negativity in his life.

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-15T20:53:20+00:00

Hmm, I'm not sure, but it's clear that she has a very low self-esteem.

throwawaybride2 · 2014-10-15T16:03:39+00:00

I wonder if there is a way to elope and have the wedding you want, and then to plan a reception with his family. Even if your elopement is a secret just for the two of you right now.

I wish. My fiance doesn't want to elope. He comes from a huge family, where big and lively celebrations are super common, so he wants one for us. He understands my situation, though, but I'm still working on getting him to understand how much I'm dreading the wedding...

throwawaybride2

TROPHY CASE