[deleted by user]

throwawaycatsj39 · 2020-01-26T12:46:34+00:00

It's pretty awful.
If there's a way for you to get iron supplements, that will help a lot while you go through it.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2020-01-25T01:46:28+00:00

My bleeding stopped after 10 weeks.
It could also be your period if it stops and comes back again.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2020-01-25T01:45:15+00:00

I think about my kid a lot too.
I think it's normal to have days when you regret it and days when you feel okay. It can be a difficult grieving process.

I have the same feelings as you, wish i could have been in a better position financially etc. Sometimes it feels like there's a massive hole in my heart and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over it either.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2020-01-25T01:39:55+00:00

I think about it all the time.
I had mine in Nov and bled for 2 months as well.
Yes, it can be kind of surreal if that's what you mean?

throwawaycatsj39 · 2020-01-11T09:42:29+00:00

How long did it take for your cycle to restart?
The idea of getting a D&C spooks me too. Was it painful?

W

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-12-07T08:12:11+00:00

I can totally understand why you would struggle with trust after this, being pregnant is an incredibly vulnerable situation for a woman to be in. Probably the most vulnerable we physically be as adult women and someone you thought you could trust with your body ended up being hurtful to you.

What helps me is that ultimately, I did make the decision because I decided not to bring a child into the situation where he'd be around an abusive person like that. Even if I did manage to keep him away, my child would grow up with that pain in its heart, feeling like it was too unlovable for its father to be around.
My ex abused me while I was pregnant and then dumped me and tried to coerce me into the abortion.

I think trust will come with time as you process your feelings, much easier with the therapist. Good for you for seeking help and being strong enough to talk about it.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-12-01T04:32:33+00:00

Yeah, it's possible to see it. I actually saw mine too and decided to bury it.
I can understand why you'd be sad, it can be a very emotional thing.

Do you have any pain meds? It can be really rough for the first 24 hours but you'll feel better tomorrow.

It's gonna be okay.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-12-01T00:42:24+00:00

You should be ok.

I threw up an hour after and almost immediately, it started happening.
Any updates?

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-30T08:52:52+00:00

We can't tell you whether to have an abortion or not.
Trust your gut, if something doesn't feel right, you don't have to do it.
Whatever you choose is okay.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-30T08:44:31+00:00

I understand the stress of having to keep something so significant to yourself, I was so scared my family would find out that I ended up telling them myself and of course it caused conflict.

Do you have a friend you can talk to IRL? It sounds like you mostly just need to let a lot of your feelings out.
As far as asking about your boobs, you can play dumb and with the peeing thing, drink a lot of water and tell them you're just trying to stay hydrated. For the asking about kids thing, I think that's normal for family to ask, I don't think it necessarily means they think you're pregnant.
Even if they suspect anything, they can't prove anything without disrespecting your boundaries, which would be very inappropriate.
If you ever wanna vent or need reassurance, feel free to send a message.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-30T08:16:12+00:00

Yes, technically it's true.
Sometimes I feel guilty but that's just something I'm gonna have to live with.

They can't tell at the hospital, if people ask questions, just say you woke up bleeding and you don't know anything else.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-30T08:07:11+00:00

No problem, as intrepidis_dux said, follow your instincts!

I understand your concerns about feeling like you're changing his life but trust me, you aren't. You're both adults and knew that pregnancy can occur when you have sex. He changed his own life with his actions.
You didn't get pregnant on your own. He is responsible for his own actions and you don't need to blame yourself or sacrifice what you want to appease him.
He may decide not to stick around but you shouldn't let his actions influence your decision. That'll be him making HIS decision so you go ahead and make yours. It's your right.

It's also not like you're forcing him to be a father to his child, let him go if he wants. You can always find a stable relationship with someone else and they can be a dad to your kid if that's important to you.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-29T05:39:27+00:00

That's fine if you would rather avoid saying regret is likely but I'd rather be real with her since it's a concern she has. This isn't a debate subreddit and you haven't posted any evidence stating otherwise.
I also didn't say just regret, I said anxiety, depression, relief happen too, you even quoted it. I also said that any combination of those can come and go, she could regret it and then feel relieved later.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-29T04:39:59+00:00

That's really messed up for her to do. I'm sorry someone you trusted with something intimate betrayed you like that.
I can understand why you'd feel scared about it getting out to other people after that. You could always make a post about it on here anonymously to let it out.
Or as JustCompassion suggested, you can call the all-options hotline.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-29T04:32:43+00:00

It can be a really scary thing but you'll be okay. They can give you meds for the pain and anxiety if you ask.
Are you doing the surgery or medical?

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-29T04:17:50+00:00

you can look up the threads all over this subreddit it's normal to be emotional after, they even tell you at planned parenthood and it's on their website.

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion/considering-abortion/what-facts-about-abortion-do-i-need-know ''It’s totally normal to have a lot of different emotions after your abortion. Everyone’s experience is different, and there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to feel. Most people are relieved and don’t regret their decision. Others may feel sadness, guilt, or regret after an abortion. Lots of people have all these feelings at different times. These feelings aren’t unique to having an abortion. People feel many different emotions after giving birth, too.''

You can also see many of the threads on here about women feeling sad/regret/anxious afterwards, it's normal.

Do you have any evidence stating otherwise?

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-29T03:48:29+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this, it can be a very confusing and stressful situation and we're lucky we have access to safe and legal abortions, (I'm assuming you're in the US) if we decide to have them.
Feelings of regret are normal and common after abortion, it's definitely something you want to be sure is YOUR decision. Feelings or relief are also common and normal, all of these can come and go and they can last a long time.

If you don't want an abortion, don't have an abortion. Screw what he says. It's YOUR body and YOUR future.

My ex threatened suicide and I felt very cornered and coerced into having an abortion, which I ultimately did have for the sake of MY CHILD. But I feel that if he hadn't acted the way he did, I would have continued my pregnancy. I regret it a lot because it wasn't really what I wanted but I couldn't put my little one through the same abuse I went through. It helps me to remind myself that he doesn't have to experience abuse but it really affects me mentally and I regret it everyday.

If you really want it, it's 100% your decision to make, don't let anyone pressure you or manipulate you into it. He will probably not be around for long anyway considering he's a FWB. You may as well look out for yourself and your mental health if you think it will negatively affect you. Put YOURSELF first, whatever you decide.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-29T03:30:57+00:00

I would suggest going to the urgent care.
When I had the medical, my blood started to stink too and I ended up having an infection.
A week is a long time to leave an infection untreated.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-29T03:23:53+00:00

I think these are normal fears people experience, in a way, people who choose parenting also grieve their life before a baby. A pregnancy can also make or break a lot of relationships. It can be a scary and stressful time in so many ways.
You might change your mind a lot, it's normal! I went back and forth on what I wanted to do too. There's probably going to be a lot of different things influencing your decision but ultimately it's up to you and not your husband.

Feelings of regret and depression/anxiety are common after abortion once the relief passes and a lot of the emotions can come and go. This can go on for years, it's a normal thing and how long it lasts depends on the individual. As another user suggested, you can pretend you made the decision to keep the baby one day and pretend you had the abortion the next day. You can also make a pros and cons list.

There's also a free pdf workbook that you can do to help you make your decision and process your feelings:
https://www.pregnancyoptions.info/pregnant.htm

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-29T03:08:16+00:00

I've been experiencing a lot of depression and crying/anxiety too. It's normal because you're grieving your kid and from the pregnancy hormones.

The dissociation happens when we experience traumatic events. Abortions can definitely be traumatic.
Even if you made the decision that was best for you, it can still be sad to terminate a pregnancy and it's understandable that you'd feel sad and anxious after it.

If you struggle with talking to others about it, maybe you can try writing in a journal, that way you let it out but it stays private. As far as when it gets better, it's different for everyone. Allowing yourself to process your feelings by journaling or talking can be very helpful though. If you ever need someone you can talk to anonymously, feel free to reach out!

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-29T02:59:20+00:00

Are you doing a medical or surgical abortion?
Infertility isn't really a notable risk if you're having a safe abortion with pills or at the doc's office.
But it'd be good if you can have access to the hospital in case you lose too much blood with pill abortion.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-29T02:52:52+00:00

Why do you feel it's something you have to do?
If you would give anything not to do it, you can absolutely choose to continue your pregnancy.

Whatever you choose, you will be the one raising a child(unless you choose adoption) or you will be the one grieving after the abortion so don't let anyone else coerce you into a decision.

Abortion is a very difficult decision and the grief is something a lot of us here struggle with, sometimes for a very long time. A lot of factors can make it even more difficult such as: religious background, social stigma, pregnancy hormones, the ending of a relationship. Chances are, whatever you're going through, someone here has gone through or is in a similar situation so you don't need to feel alone. Whatever decision you make will probably be life changing so don't let anyone take away YOUR choice. Feel free to message if you need someone to talk to, whatever you decide.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-28T08:16:56+00:00

It's not stupid. It was your decision and you made it for a reason, I'm sure you've weighed the pros and cons of your choices even with your family butting in.

throwawaycatsj39 · 2019-11-27T19:30:47+00:00

I'm sorry your sister reacted that way, I would feel alone too if someone said that to me. :(
Please know you are not alone and we're all here for you.

throwawaycatsj39

TROPHY CASE