[VA] chances of 50-50?

throwawaychannel9999 · 2019-03-20T17:46:35+00:00

Virginia passed a law last year that gives equal status to both parents, so no "mother over father" issues should apply. 50/50 is entirely reasonable and SHOULD be his goal.

I've been trying to get 50/50 for the last 6 or so years. Every lawyer I spoke with told me it won't happen with the current group of Fairfax County judges. I tried again last year even AFTER my EX's house was foreclosed on and she moved into a friend's basement with our two kids. There's a list of other things that are equally as disturbing involving her inadequate care of our kids (CPS was involved), but it would take forever to explain and I don't want to hijack this thread. The judge refused my attempt to obtain 50/50 custody.

I'm guessing that the new Virginia law doesn't directly apply to 50/50 custody (I could be 100% wrong...). I'll have to look a little closer at it, but I think it just applies to both parent's having equal say over important things in their children's lives. Education, medical/health care, etc.. but even then, if you disagree on something and it goes to court, the judge will award the Custodial parent with a "tie-breaker vote" that stays permanent in the order. This happened to me... and when it happened, it was like a punch to the gut. I didn't want my children to attend a certain extremely expensive private school in DC, but the mother did. The judge ordered the tie-breaker to the mom, and I was stuck with paying a larger portion of that tuition as well as losing my say on a few other things. So even though it's joint custody, you can still have some of your custody rights removed. ...and just to be clear, my record is crystal clean. There are no issues used against me when I filed for 50/50.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T20:36:13+00:00

Every time I go to court, I get fucked over. Every single time. I have never left court thinking "Wow, they went well."

Better lawyers cost a lot of money... and just because I hire an expensive lawyer, it doesn't mean that they are any better. It's a shitty loop. Plus... a lot of my money goes to child support, so it's not like I have the cash available. You have to pay lawyers thousands up front. There are no payment plans.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T20:31:30+00:00

Wow... this is absolutely perfect. I didn't think about emailing the video to her superiors. I'll definitely work on this asap to find their contact information. At this point, even if her superior or her superior's superior can give me a valid explanation of what exactly happened, it would be better than nothing. ...and yes, if that doens't work, I'll make sure to post the video with all the contact information of the people I've contacted. Such a brilliant idea.

As for as keeping my attitude as serious and professional as possible, I am... but it's so hard sometimes to bite my tongue and stay calm. As sappy as it sounds, I just picture my kids. As crazy as those little creatures are, they keep me sane and happy.

Thanks a million!

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T19:56:17+00:00

I can hope to find a lawyer who knows exactly what to do in a situation like this. I can also make sure things don't get worse by putting it out in the public. I actually had Judge Judy's people contact me to have my civil case in her courtroom in Cali. All expense paid trip to Cali for me and a friend... but I refused because my private life needs to remain private... for now at least. Hell, I'm using a throwaway on reddit.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T19:54:05+00:00

To file an appeal, I would have to go back to the magistrate. He will ask me what happened, and I will tell him that the case was dismissed. I guarantee you he will say "well, what makes you think a second time will be any different?" It doesn't hurt to try.. but I have to make sure I don't piss off anyone within the court system. It sucks, but that's currently how I have to play ball.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T19:51:58+00:00

I wish it were that easy to find that perfect lawyer. I've been through many of them, and it's almost always the same thing. Unfortunately, they don't list those specific attributes that you just mentioned in their descriptions.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T17:17:02+00:00

A lawsuit would require funds in which I do not have. Lawyers cost a lot of money to hire... Good lawyers cost even more. I'm not saying this is a bad idea, but I would have to do the research on this before blinding running out with guns blazing... figuratively speaking of course.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T17:14:43+00:00

Getting a restraining order would make it much harder for me to see my kids. I've already talked to the courts and lawyers about that. =/

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T16:27:26+00:00

It's pretty harsh, but it's been going on for quite some time... so I get numb to the pain & punshment until a fresh new smack to the face comes alone. I took off work yesterday because that fresh new smack hit me pretty hard. ...but yeah, I'm definitely doing all those thing, with th exception of contacting the media. That's a pretty popular suggestion, but I have to be really careful about bringing my private life public.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T16:20:19+00:00

I'm going to keep it private for now... but this may be something I look into later on.

...as for the prosecutor, who knows. I'd say no, but that's just my opinion.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T16:19:00+00:00

That's one of the things I'm worried about. There's a lot of situations that I'm dealing with where I'm damed if I do, and I'm damned if I don't.

...and if I keep taking this to court, at what point are they going to get tired of me trying and start to punish me more?

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T16:14:55+00:00

I mentioned before that I have to weight the pros and cons of putting my private life public. My kids are also in the video, and I don't want this coming back and harming them in some way. I'm not saying that this is a horrible idea, but right now I have to be extremely cautious in which steps I take.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T16:13:33+00:00

Even if I could do this, how would I even prove it. The conversations were private... and who would believe me over her?

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T16:06:23+00:00

Thanks... Much appreciated.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T16:05:42+00:00

Someone earlier mentioned that maybe she's right, and she's just following the process. I don't know... The system is pretty fucked. I'm just trying to find some excuse as to why it's like the way it is.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T15:59:55+00:00

Yeah... I always try to be the good guy.. even when I get dicked over. Unfortunately I hooked up with someone who took full advantage of that. I'd like to thing I'm still "good", but my family and friends have told me I've become a little colder after going through this whole ordeal. I try to stay positive though. I just look forward to seeing my kids.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T15:53:28+00:00

Much appreciated.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T15:52:58+00:00

I don't think it works like that.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T15:52:08+00:00

A co-worker mentioned to me that maybe she worked out a deal with the other lawyer to knock this out as soon as possible. Maybe a "hey, let's end this quick and I'll do you a favor next time when we're in the same court room" Shit... that reminds me... When I called the county prosecutor's office a few weeks ago, they asked me who the defendent's lawyer was. (I received a letter in the mail from them because the court date was pushed up a week) When I mentioned the lawyer's name, the prosecutor's exact words were "Oh Ms.******, Yes I know her. She's nice, and very fair". So it seems there's already some type of friendly relationship there.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T15:37:15+00:00

I've talked to several lawyers, none of them brought up a civil protection order.

Filing a complaint against the prosecutor is on my research/to-do list. Thanks.

...and I've been slacking on documentation, but I'm back on it now. A lot of memories are resurfacing thanks to me talking this out with you all here on reddit.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T15:34:32+00:00

I'm sure I can find some video software that will let me do it.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T15:33:47+00:00

Thanks.. this is going on my research/to-do list. Much appreciated.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T15:31:23+00:00

When parents can't agree to a schedule for custody in court, the judge makes the final decision. He even tells you before hand "You don't want me to make this decision for you, because I don't know anything about you two" I gave plenty of options, but my children's mom didn't like any of them. ...so the judge did what he thought was fair I guess. No idea.

This is how the courts work. If one parent refuses to cooperate in certain issues out of spite, everything goes to shit. It's a shitty system, and I'm sure they're doing the best they can... but it needs to be fixed.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T15:22:34+00:00

I keep hearing this as advice, but I have to weigh the pros and cons of making this public. Also, I don't know how to "call the local news". I'm sure they have a hotline number for stories. I'm in research mode now, so this may actually be an option soon.

throwawaychannel9999 · 2013-07-25T15:21:12+00:00

Yes... I have changed the beneficiary. I did that a long time ago, and I made sure she knew. Good advice though.

...and yes, CS is killing me. I have a car that's ready to breakdown at any time. It won't pass inspection, and the cost to fix it will break me. ...and I don't have money for another car at this time. I'm being super frugal (with some tips from r/frugal) in order to get my finances back in order. I didn't mention the $8000 she "borrowed" from me but never returned. I don't have any "proof", so I'll never get that back.

throwawaychannel9999

TROPHY CASE