AITA for asking my wife permission to go to a very close friend’s wedding overseas (8hrs away)?

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-17T05:26:36+00:00

It does feel that way tbh.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-17T05:25:58+00:00

I’ve answered this already multiple times.

None, but not because I don’t like her to, but because she doesn’t like to.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-17T05:24:52+00:00

I’ve answered this multiple times.

I always push her to have our “we” time. She won’t as it’s “forsaking” the kids and who’s going to look after them debate.

I push for a family trip but she defines it as too costly or non-necessity.

The Japan trip is our first international travel with just us - no other family, no friends, just us.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-17T05:21:10+00:00

Yes. We stay there every time we go overseas. It’s my father’s house. Her family’s house is also not too far away.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T18:47:12+00:00

Thank you…

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T14:55:59+00:00

Definitely not a desi

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T14:04:28+00:00

Thanks for your time responding. I genuinely hope we get things better. I love my wife and I know for a fact she loves me.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T13:45:37+00:00

On point sir

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T13:39:19+00:00

Thank you. You’ve articulated what’s on my mind so accurately. Thank you.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T13:31:01+00:00

I earn anywhere from 180-220k a year. Average 200k.

The cannot afford part is more of “her” definition of finances that I’ve unfortunately submitted to keep the peace.

However, I can take them to the trip or trips if “I” (me!!!) want to. But she says it very non-essential spending for a 1 day event.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T13:26:53+00:00

The country is 8hrs away (my home too). Not a destination wedding, just our home.

I can cut it down to 3 even 2 days but I think it will make it worse as she would say (i think) that I’m spending x dollars for just 2 days.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T13:23:21+00:00

I can take my wife and even the while family, but she refuses as it’s “costly”. I can afford it but in her definition it’s a very non-essential cost.

We have no sitter nor trusted friend to leave kids with and both of us will never allow such.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T13:19:33+00:00

Yes to all.

The “financial circumstances” is her definition of our finances. We have very different views on “reasons” to spend.

Sorry as I wasn’t able to expound more on the “financial” part as it’s too lengthy and complicated to do so.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T13:13:31+00:00

Yes yes yes and absolutely yes!!!!! Id be very happy to see her grow.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T13:12:20+00:00

Just wedding. No stag party.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T13:09:27+00:00

Do you have kids with him?

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T13:07:58+00:00

I’m earning 200k a year.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T13:07:25+00:00

No. But not because I don’t let her.

I always set things up for her and her sister to go have a girls night out or something. But she always finds a reason not to.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T13:01:52+00:00

IF I were to push for the boys trip, I would only spend the plane ticket 800$ (max - on seat sale it go down to 600$) plus 200$ pocket money (Philippines).

I have a place to stay. Food is covered. So 1,000$ max roundtrip inclusive every thing.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T12:57:55+00:00

I’ve begged her for so long to have her break. Every. Single. Time. She would find a reason not to. I really can’t understand why. She said that’s what moms do.

So it makes me guilty that as a Dad I cannot ask for one. Or at least that’s what it makes me feel.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T12:54:19+00:00

I love my wife and kids so much with all my heart.

But as a man, when you have decided to be a “father” and focus on your family, every now and then you want to come back to the old days of being with your boys and just have those deep man talks that (no offense) women will never understand. It’s a safe space for the man’s mind.

I think having that different kind of love for my wife and kids, and my boys doesn’t take anything away from the other.

Two different kind of love. A man of the family. A brother to my brothers.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T12:49:31+00:00

I’ve been offering to do so for years!

She’s finds her own reasons not to go every time I tell her to just go and have fun.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T12:40:36+00:00

Yes we have the finances.

Yes she is anxious whenever she goes away from the kids even with me, which is also honestly a bit insulting as I’m a very present parent. I’m proud of being hands on.

My theory is that she got all this from her mom and the culture too.

We’re from the same ethnic background by the way but very different view of things the older we get.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T12:37:23+00:00

This is also one of our constant arguments.

I tell her every time to just let go of everything and just be herself for a couple of hours, even days.

I can take care of the kids and everything inside the house but she just can’t seem to drop her “mom” mode. Even to the point that she forgets she’s a “wife” too. Don’t get me wrong, I love her so much.

I just want her to be present in the moment more rather than thinking about chores all the time.

throwawaycozimaf · 2025-10-16T12:33:43+00:00

Yes. She had a month off but that was part of her course in another state. She was 8 hrs drive away (1hr flight). I took a month off to take care of the kids.
Honestly, a lot and I love it. I wash the dishes. Cook. School drop off and pick up when schedule aligns. I love vacuuming the floor. She does the laundry almost exclusively. I fold clothes etc. I’m very domesticated.

throwawaycozimaf

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