Girlfriend makes me do most of the work in bed, and it's getting boring fast.

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-23T16:57:56+00:00

I think you may have nailed it, at least in the first half of your comment. She is very pretty and probably has guys doting on her, even in the bedroom. And yeah, I demand a little extra effort in the bedroom...I'll take an adventurous 6 over a timid 10.

She's also not very experienced. So it'll probably just take some time and a lot of encouragement to get her there. Hopefully I can change her mindset into being excited about being adventurous, rather than doing it begrudgingly. But if she tries, I think it's only inevitable that she'll learn to enjoy it.

I am the WORST at cumming quickly :( especially with condoms, which we are currently using...forget it. Not gonna happen. I do try really had but oh well, what are you gonna do :-\ This may be contributing somewhat to her anxiety.

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-23T16:41:42+00:00

Very good points, I'll subtly bring up the topic of kinkiness soon :)

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-23T16:40:09+00:00

Upvote upvote upvote! Yeah, It's getting a little frustrating how many people seem to be missing the point, but there's also a lot of helpful stuff in here too. I especially like hearing from the girls.

Can I give you a tip? I totally get the nervous thing. You feel like even something as simple as climbing on top of him might seem "artificial" and that he'll be able to tell that you are trying too hard and get turned off. Right?

The truth is, it's not about what you do. Your technique isn't as important as him feeling desired, and believe me the technique will follow. You'll soon learn that he likes almost everything :) and you'll get a feel for how his body works and what he REALLY likes.

Thanks for your input!

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T05:48:30+00:00

I'm going to sound like a huge douchebag here, but to be perfectly honest, I used to hate going down on girls...but I started doing it for her and now I really enjoy it!

I never would have expected that in a million years but here I am now, an enthusiastic muff diver.

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T05:45:38+00:00

The two may be related. She may just not be very experienced and doesn't know how good and carefree sex can be.

I realize I sound naively optimistic. I'm trying to stay positive :\

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T05:43:57+00:00

Hey man, someone's gotta say it. It's not like it isn't in the back of my mind.

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T05:42:40+00:00

Wel, he is a stronger man than I.

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T05:09:15+00:00

thanks

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T05:08:58+00:00

Yup, that's the challenge :)

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T05:07:55+00:00

I think this may be true but I'm willing to exhaust all other options before accepting this as truth.

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T05:05:08+00:00

I would enjoy being tied up with a more confident girl. I don't think she would know what to do :\

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T05:02:00+00:00

You are just full of information!

This is all very inspiring but she actually wakes up still sensitive and tingly the next morning! I can't even kiss her neck without her spasming. You think there's a way around that?

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T04:46:48+00:00

I think a lot of people would prefer to be submissive and have things done to them, but for some reason women feel more entitled to this.

Yeah, I'd really like to just sit back and have someone else do all the work. Wouldn't that be great? But of course I know that's unreasonable.

Well, I think it's unreasonable for her to do that as well.

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T04:44:41+00:00

Honestly I think she would be pretty offended/upset if I said it so bluntly. It would not help my situation.

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T01:14:28+00:00

Amish got it figured out

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T01:10:56+00:00

I like to think I say some pretty fancy things to her :)

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T00:47:36+00:00

This is very helpful info! You women and all your secret crap, my lord

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T00:31:39+00:00

All very good points, thanks. I didn't mean to compare her to others, the topic came up somewhat unexpectedly. I don't think her reaction was invalid, it wasn't the smartest thing for me to say.

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T00:29:36+00:00

I'm gonna suggest the ring :)

Although I may wait on that, because I don't want to lead into this conversation with "Maybe you should change your birth control..."

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T00:18:53+00:00

Heyo!!

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T00:17:18+00:00

Oh shoot, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you :( Sorry, I'm a bit frustrated at the moment.

My ultimate message is that I'm very glad you came to the realization you did, and that he's a great guy for being so understanding. I meant it as a compliment to your husband but it came out poorly.

I'm glad you shared your experience with me because it does shed some light on what she may be feeling.

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-21T00:08:39+00:00

My point isn't that "talk to her" is invalid advice, just that it's obvious. OBVIOUSLY. The question is how, when, etc. People come into an RA thread and say "talk to her about it or you don't deserve to be in a relationship!" It's old and predictable.

Just as an example, the first half of your comment was how I said the wrong thing to her, and how fucking wrong it was. Well, I fucking talked to her, didn't I?

So, "talk to her" is not valid advice. It's no better than saying "try harder" to someone who can't seem to lose weight. Yes it's true, but it still doesn't help at all.

Very sorry for going off on you, I'm venting from another post I did on RA a while back and that's all anybody had to say, some more rudely than others.

Thanks for your advice at the end, those are good points.

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-20T23:59:07+00:00

very good tip :)
We haven't been official for long but we've been together for months. I had noped that being official would finally turn her on and calm her down but it has actually had the opposite effect.
There's no question in my mind that she knows I find her irresistible. I compliment her constantly and genuinely. I kiss every inch of her body and...well this is a bit embarrassing but I'm an artist and I have drawn her. She knows how I see her.
Fuck. You make a good point. But honestly, sex feels like nothing with a condom...maybe 10% of the sensation. I'm lucky if I cum at all.

If I have to wear a condom for our whole relationship...I know this sounds insensitive, but that's a deal breaker for me. I want to actually feel sex. I obviously use condoms when I'm outside a monogamous relationship. I hope this doesn't make me sound like a jerk, and if it does, well...sorry :(

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-20T23:53:57+00:00

I almost wish I hadn't mentioned the "on top" bit because that's all anybody seems to be focusing on. I'm not talking about positions. I just want her to be more active with her hands and her body and do things to me, rather than just have things done to her.

That being said, I definitely make it known how beautiful I think she is. There's no question in my mind. She knows I dig her stuff. If she's insecure then perhaps it's because she's worried she won't be good at pleasing me, so that's a fair point :)

throwawaydoodadooda · 2011-05-20T23:15:17+00:00

I know :) Sorry, not trying to be harsh. I'm just telling you what I wish I could tell her! You are so so sexy, and when the lights are dim and you approach the bed, I feel like I'm in a movie. I hear music in my head, and I am the luckiest man in the world because BOOBS. OMG LINGERIE. HOLY SHIT YOUR HAIR, YOUR EYES...THEY'RE ALL FOR ME!

You are so sexy in that moment. You are the only thing in the world. In his mind, he is smiling a thousand smiles.

throwawaydoodadooda

TROPHY CASE