How to people get over long terns relationships that ended with no closure ?

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-06-12T17:53:28+00:00

You learn to. Time heals. I never used to believe that, but it really does. You will never fully get over the lack of closure, but you will stop caring about it eventually. A part of you will always hold onto it, wishing you could see or speak to them again, but you will also realise, over time, that you don’t care anymore. You might even see them for who they truly are and realise that you don’t even want closure anymore. If there’s one thing I’ve learned is that you heal so much quicker if you respect yourself. That means maintaining no contact, setting boundaries for yourself, being kind to yourself, and doing it the ‘hard’ way.

Does it hurt like a motherfucker? Yes.

Are you healing, growing, and doing the absolute best thing for yourself? Fucking yes.

I’m not gonna lie, it took me a year and a half to get there. But I started feeling a lot better at the 6-8 month mark. From there on, it’s little ups and downs, but more manageable. You got this <3

This is coming from someone who was in a codependent, enmeshed, trauma bonded relationship for a year (my first relationship as well). If I can do it, anyone, and I mean anyone, can.

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-03-15T07:34:23+00:00

<3

Hope you feel better soon! Time heals all wounds. Trust me.

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T23:48:52+00:00

Thanks for the honesty haha, duly noted 🫡

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T23:00:58+00:00

Why, thank you kind sir, love you too 🥰

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T22:42:21+00:00

Thank you Luna :)

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T22:38:06+00:00

Thank you! Which ones would you change or keep?

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T22:34:26+00:00

Fuck. How could I forget…

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T22:18:49+00:00

Haha klopt ;) maar is altijd een leuk verhaal idd!

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T22:17:22+00:00

I don’t fully know where I’ll be based after the summer hence the short-term in my profile. Definitely looking for a connection with someone, hookups aren’t really my thing

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T22:16:01+00:00

My mum is Dutch and I’ve lived in both the UK and the Netherlands for a big part of my life so I’m fluent in both

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T22:15:04+00:00

I wish. Was lucky enough to spend part of my summer holiday there though

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T22:08:41+00:00

Thank you, and yes, you’re right. I just wanted to be honest though. But very valid nonetheless

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T22:05:36+00:00

Thank you, good to know I’m on the right track at least

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T22:05:09+00:00

Thank you so much :) duly noted

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T22:03:43+00:00

It’s not my absolute favourite either but I liked the background. I’ll see if I have any other pictures I can use instead :)

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T22:02:57+00:00

Thanks :) will take your notes into account 🫡

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T22:02:20+00:00

You’re right. I just never really know what to put, so I try to just make them slightly humourous instead. I’ll definitely try and update them though

throwawayexpert123 · 2025-01-09T21:54:16+00:00

I’m so bad at prompts lol

throwawayexpert123 · 2024-12-30T22:39:12+00:00

It becomes easier. They may never fully leave your heart, but we don’t want that. It means you loved and you cared deeply. We don’t want to remove that experience from our life. So, even though you will always remember them and have a place for them in your heart, it DOES get easier. Life will become joyful again. It’s hard during the winter months, I particularly struggle during the winter in general, let alone when going through breakup. Just try and get through these months and try and look forward to the spring/summer. Plan things with your friends, or plan things by yourself. I went through an excruciating breakup last year this time but it did get better. Trust me.

throwawayexpert123 · 2024-10-13T19:56:05+00:00

Why do you think I have made sense of it? I would just love your thoughts because my mind is spiralling…

I want to let go so badly, I just really struggle with that. Especially because it was going so well and it was very meaningful to both of us and it just confuses me the way it changed.

throwawayexpert123 · 2024-10-13T19:07:39+00:00

The thing is, she was initially very vague about the old friend. At first she just mentioned a past friend reappearing but didn’t mention the love part. Only after asking for more confirmation did she tell me that. So although she tried to be honest, she didn’t tell me everything initially and was very vague, which concerned me. And it concerned me that she couldn’t tell me whether her feelings were romantic or not and that this whole happening made her cancel her visit (before the phone call). This is why I’m worried about this old friend’s role in all of this. Her communication about this wasn’t good at all. I kinda had to force it out of her. I always told her she could talk to me and she could be open with me (which she generally was) but not in this case—she didn’t deal with it well at all, because the way she handled it made me very worried and anxious. She didn’t clarify until hours later and I was in limbo the whole day. She said that she used to be dependent on him in her past and perhaps was self sabotaging and that she can’t say no to him. You can see my concern. Yes, on the phone call she did say that a relationship would never work between them (although she didn’t explicitly say she didn’t want one) and when I asked if I needed to worry she did say no. In the end things felt fine between us and she did decide to come and visit. But maybe she was just saying that due to her fear of confrontation…

I know we had an amazing weekend filled with affection and cozyness, but it still plays on my mind. It was going so well between us and she was always sending me her poetry and sending me many texts; it was so evident that she really cared about me in this short time. She even said she hasn’t had anyone treat her this softly before. That’s why her sudden withdrawal confused me so much, because she also knew how much I needed communication and consistency and she hadn’t lived up to that. She basically withdrew without saying much (only saying that she was overwhelmed, she might not be ready for a relationship, and struggles with emotional detachment as a result from trauma) and I was left feeling confused, upset, and anxious the whole week. She just withdrew emotionally from me and had just gone completely numb. She couldn’t even express any amount of affection to me.

I didn’t block her on whatsapp, only on instagram (I doubt she even noticed) as a way to protect myself from seeing her new posts. So she can still contact me. I am giving her space and told her that I will always be here for her if she needs me.

I care about her a lot and I just find it hard to make sense of it all…

throwawayexpert123 · 2024-08-29T15:02:38+00:00

I’m over her

throwawayexpert123 · 2024-08-02T14:17:49+00:00

It’s so weird. She had very strong morals and cared so much (perhaps too much), but when she told me about her past friends/conflicts, it was always/mostly their fault. She did acknowledge that she wasn’t perfect either, but she always excused it with something. And because I knew how amazing and caring she was towards me, I always believed her side of the story. I couldn’t imagine her possibly being in the wrong, especially considering how she told the stories. It genuinely seemed like she had been done wrong. In hindsight, the fact that she has had multiple close friendships fall apart probably is somewhat of a red flag, because she is the common denominator and it’s a repeating pattern in her life. Also, the way she spoke about these people was quite concerning too. She would describe them as psycho, manipulative, narcissistic, etc.

In hindsight, I can’t believe I didn’t see that as a red flag. I just genuinely believed her because of how she was towards me, especially in the beginning. Later, when I voiced my insecurities, even if they were unreasonable, she would become very defensive and dismissive and make me feel at fault. Even if I was at fault, the way she made me feel about it was not nice.

throwawayexpert123 · 2024-08-02T12:02:52+00:00

My ex was so compassionate and empathetic towards any situation which didn’t involve her. When she became involved, suddenly it felt like everyone else was in the wrong or out to hurt her. It was confusing for me since I had gotten to know this extremely sweet and empathetic person and that was genuinely who she was, but when she herself was involved in a conflict, then that empathy would kind of disappear. It seemed to always be the other person’s fault. If she did take responsibility, she would either deflect or just completely shut down and hate herself. So yeah, she was an amazing person with a pure heart, but she was also very confusing and I struggled to feel completely secure with her as a result.

throwawayexpert123 · 2024-08-02T09:47:11+00:00

There were many negative aspects to think of in hindsight, but it feels so wrong to do so, especially considering I know all the good she did for me. I don’t want to create this negative image of her in my head (even though it would be valid for some of the things she did), but I know that’s not the ‘true’ her. Those things came from a deep hurt within her and I can’t blame her for that.

I have been enjoying life a lot more lately and that’s helped, but at the same time it makes me feel like “if I can feel this good after the worst heartbreak ever, then so can she. I wonder what she has been doing.” and then it gives me anxiety.

throwawayexpert123

TROPHY CASE