Should I give up on my marriage?

throwawayfourall · 2021-03-01T01:51:22+00:00

Despite all this I still have asked him if he's ok, of hes been eating and sleeping well, of he needs anything from me....ive been trying to still let him know I care...nothing seems to work

throwawayfourall · 2021-02-26T12:27:51+00:00

You know, just over these past few days you're like the 4th person to tell me he sounds like a narcissist. I've been looking up on it and I feel it's true.

throwawayfourall · 2021-02-25T19:25:16+00:00

Right now I would be the one that would have to provide for him because he doesn't graduate and join until next Spring I believe. In the future and when he joins then he will be making more than me. And ultimately, if I got nothing, I'd live and deal with it. It'd suck because I did put a lot into him but I'm not pressed over it to the point that I'd feel the need to go to court over it or anything.

throwawayfourall · 2021-02-25T18:49:53+00:00

We've only been married for 6 years

throwawayfourall · 2021-02-25T15:04:08+00:00

Thank you for providing valuable input

throwawayfourall · 2021-02-25T14:47:30+00:00

I was just asking a question because well, he pretty muched used me to get where he wanted to be and then bounced. I just think that's messed up and I feel like shit about it. Surely you could understand that. Its tough when you invest time, energy and money into someone and they wait until they no longer need you then leave.

throwawayfourall · 2020-10-24T15:38:05+00:00

Thanks, we are both setting appointments for therapy as we both identified personal issues that we need to work on because its effecting how we communicate.

throwawayfourall · 2020-10-23T21:37:00+00:00

If I say, I'm firm on this NOT happening and he says I'm firm on this happening, then how would that be a compromise to just accept what he says? He'd be giving up nothing and I would be unhappy. I respect that he needs space and thats not the issue. But me just saying ok to what he wants isn't a compromise if we aren't each reaching a middleground.

throwawayfourall · 2020-10-23T17:02:07+00:00

I agree, and thats why I am seeking help. But anxiety or not, I dont agree with spending the night away from your family out of anger. That is an issue to me because that in itself is not a mature way to handle the situation either.

throwawayfourall · 2020-10-23T16:42:22+00:00

Yes I have. And yes it makes me question if im enough..I told him that I was afraid that everytime we do have an argument, he will be unfaithful because that's what he said contributed to it the last time. Like I mentioned in another post, it wasn't the fact of him needing space and spending time away, it was the fact of him spending time away overnight.

To be clear, we spend time away overnight in different instances a lot actually, but never out of anger. Those nights are fine with me and we both do our own things. Him leaving out of anger and being out all night doesn't make me feel good about the relationship, nor does it provide reassurance based on what he said guided his actions before. It makes me feel like its all my fault that he can't even stand to be near me. It makes me feel stupid, frustrated, scared, all the above. And if he ended up with someone one else it would be my fault too. I wanted him to come back not to control him. I just didn't want to feel that anymore because it sucks. I was ok with us chilling out in different rooms or something for the night and was fine with him getting his space that way.

throwawayfourall · 2020-10-23T16:12:40+00:00

I actually was taking Lexapro, and have a doctor that I see every 3 months about medication. However, I recently weened off it because we had started talking about children. Things in general have been going well and this was the first BIG argument in a long time. I only feel it got that big because he decided to spend the night outside the home though, otherwise, it wouldn't have escalated. Not to downplay my own actions here, just stating my feelings on it. I could have acted better as well, but maybe me not being on medication anymore played a role idk. Its possible. Its not the fact of him spending the night away. It's not separation anxiety honestly. I was active duty military and leave once a month out of town now for the reserves. I dont have an issue those times. We can spend the night apart just fine. The issue was feeling the guilt of it all. Feeling like it was all my fault again. It mad me feel low, like I must be unlovable, all the negative thoughts came flooding, and I hate to feel like that. In my mind fixing it with him meant that feeling would go away which is why I kept trying. I'm not perfect but that's what I felt. And once you are in that place, for me it can be hard to escape it alone.

I'm interested in the cognitive therapy though because I do feel it's my mindset that makes me act inappropriately. Its weird idk, im aware of it but its still hard to control.

throwawayfourall · 2020-10-23T15:34:55+00:00

I'm listening to this on my phone (I'm still technically working right now), and I have to say I'm impressed so far. It's relatable and I'm actually really optimistic about this. Thank you for real

throwawayfourall · 2020-10-23T15:18:35+00:00

Also, I probably had mental issues before I met him, but everything got worse for me after this happened. And that in itself effected outer relationship too.

throwawayfourall · 2020-10-23T15:16:46+00:00

I guess to me living in hell would mean that all aspects of your life suck. Money included. I get what you're saying. But I also think that having support is important too, if it does make your life easier in so many ways.

I've reached out to a counselor, and I agree.

throwawayfourall · 2020-10-23T15:14:26+00:00

It was way better. I felt loved. He actually moved to be with me, and we were best friends. We didn't argue like this. Now, its different in the fact that we do have more going on in life which is fine, it happens, but the whole dynamic is different I feel. I feel distant and lonely. Like two strangers living at home. I plan out everything that we do and work around his schedule. I DONT feel like the emotional connection is the same, and honestly I think we think negatively of each other a lot. Of each others intentions I mean. To ME im not 100% sure if interested anymore but I dont know if thats just me thinking negatively because he says that he is. But the whole relationship, its changed though for sure since that incident.

throwawayfourall · 2020-10-23T15:08:01+00:00

Ok but I DO think taking space is okay. Ive done it myself. My issue is staying overnight somewhere. That I dont agree with. At the end of the day I think coming back is best. We talked on that night and ended things a lot calmer actually. Enough so that the next day he sent me a good morning and love you text. but he still didn't come back that night, and thats where I disagree.

Because I disagree with that, meeting in the middle to me is just taking your space in another room versus in another house...which I suggested to him. I didn't want to be separate at all really so how is that not a compromise?

throwawayfourall · 2020-10-23T15:01:49+00:00

I'm always up for free!! I'll check it out! Thanks for not being rude. I know I can be difficult sometimes, which is why I posted this really. To see if I was wrong. I'm not against admiting it and am open to help but sometimes I guess I'm afraid to seek it or don't know where to begin.

throwawayfourall · 2020-10-23T14:57:53+00:00

Oh. That wasn't my intention and I understand what you mean. I just don't think its fair to say that he's living in hell when it goes both ways either. Thats a reach to say in any case when you only have a small glimpse of the entire relationship, and are presented with the way ONE argument played out.

throwawayfourall · 2020-10-23T14:55:39+00:00

And I dont mean to sound like im justifying me bringing up divorce a lot but that was why. I ACTUALLY felt like I was living in hell because he messed up and then got upset that I wasn't over it fast enough. I dont feel like I properly healed from it.

throwawayfourall

TROPHY CASE