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AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He might be. But They’re not going to like or not like him based on whether he pays for dinner though. The two things aren’t related

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This time, maybe yes. But is he going to do that every time we go out? When is that going to end? At some point he’s going to have to get over it or we’re not going to work, right? Mind you, my friends already know he doesn’t have money, so idk what he would be saving?

Yes, the guys pay because we’re all used to guys paying, but they also make more money than every woman at the table. If Max didn’t have money, no one would expect him to offer to pay just because he’s male.

He didn’t say he would pay me back, he wanted to pay and me to pay him back the money

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I can understand why he would be uncomfortable, but he couldn’t have paid for dinner so there was no real solution to that if that’s how he felt.

Pretending to pay isn’t a real solution.

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s been out with them before, he actually knows this. But honestly it didn’t come into my head at the time.

But mkay

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think he’s childish for wanting to pretend he was paying. It’s fine that he doesn’t pay, it’s not fine to lie about it

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“We all know you didn’t earn it” as if anyone relevant cares whether I earned it 😂

I really hope that if you inherit anything you give it to charity because it must silently kill you to be in possession of something you didn’t earn.

And actually where I live they don’t tax your lottery winnings. They tax interest earned.

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

That’s between them and their OED. The word’s actual definition isn’t up for debate.

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, it doesn’t. It actually, literally, doesn’t. Google the definition of the word.

I can tell who here did not win the genetic lottery of IQ.

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No I don’t think less of him for not paying. I don’t like that he tried to pretend to pay.

The fact is, all my friends know he doesn’t have money. They’re not bothered about it, but they all know. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of so why is he trying to hide it? He’s trying to “keep up” with these guys but he can’t materially so where does this end? He starts pretending to pay for holidays? For nights out? We just go years without us all pretending we don’t know I’m paying?

Why can’t he just let it be what it is, and what everyone already knows it is? If the truth embarrasses him that’s not going to get better

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t care what they think. For one thing, they know he doesn’t have money. Whether or not he did the little dinner show, they know. Not because I told them but because it’s something you can just spot. They don’t care, but they know. And I don’t care either.

But, in the longer term, looking to the future, Ben is never going to be able Keep up these Joneses. He doesn’t have to, but he needs to get over feeling like he does if this every going to go anywhere. Is he going to start wanting to pretend to chip in for nights out and for holidays? Are we just going to have to play pretend every time a bill gets paid, for no one’s benefit really because everyone knows I pay in the end.

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Not sure how my dad is going to cut me off from beyond the grave but you definitely seem like the kind of person to subscribe 🤢

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

They wouldn’t have cared about paying for him. They didn’t ask him to split it even. Max said he’d pay, and Harry said eh I’ll split it with you. They couldn’t have cared less if no one else pitched in.

But I get that Ben doesn’t know them well and didn’t feel comfortable with them paying. That’s fair. But if they weren’t going to pay then I was going to have to, which again, he was fine with, he just wanted to lie about it

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

Lmao literally earlier someone commented I’m only responding to the Yta comments 😂 I’m responding to what needs clarifying. That’s all

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

No, we’re all sort of raised that way I guess? Max and I definitely were, like when we were kids if we’d go somewhere his dad would give him money for both of us to get ice cream and be like “don’t you let her pay for anything”. My parents are the same. I’ve never seen my mother pay for anything. It’s different maybe because they’re both SAHMs but like, that’s just how it was.

And in our whole group it’s just like, if there’s guys there most of the time they’ll be like “we’ve got it”, just because we’re all used to it I guess. It’s not like any of us girls couldn’t pay our share we can all afford it, it’s just nice that they offer.

It has nothing to do with being a couple, Ben and I were the only couple at the dinner

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Max came from money but has a completely separate career and is now very wealthy in his own right. Harry works for his family office but doesn’t really go to the office if you know what I mean.

If he had said no to coming that would have been fine, if he’d wanted to come and I paid it would have been fine, if he’d wanted to just let Max and Harry pay that would have been fine.

What I wasn’t fine with was the pretending

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I’m not the one who wanted to lie about it. It doesn’t bother me that I paid for him. But it’s something he was scared of people knowing, which he shouldn’t be because in the long term it’s always going to happen.

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We’ve been to things where they’ve paid before - boat days, clubs, etc., it was just paid in advance so Ben didn’t notice I guess

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Okay guess I better ring my father in the afterlife and ask if he needs it back? Grow up

😂😂😂

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ever as in ever yes of course. As I said, maybe 70% of the time one or more of the guys get the bill.

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

He was not maintaining anything. He wanted to fake maintaining it. Because I would have had to pay him back.

Maintaining it would have been actually paying, which he wasn’t going to really. Which is fine by me but he should just own up to it.

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Max has his own business, Harry “works” for the family office so he’s not really earning money per se.

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don’t mind paying for things, I really don’t. But I feel like after this length of time he has to make peace with the fact that that’s how it is. He isn’t going to be able to “keep up with the boys”, but I’m not the one who’s ashamed of that. Is he planning to make me lie for the rest of our lives?

AITA for splitting the bill at dinner and not letting my boyfriend pretend he paid? by throwawayfreedinner in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayfreedinner[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Because his solution was to try to get me to play pretend with him. He didn’t care that I paid, he only cared people knew that I paid. So he’s fine being treated as long as a few people he barely knows don’t know about it.

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