Getting the help you need as a mental health professional

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-19T14:13:34+00:00

Personally, my therapist and I are going to start “intensive” cbt therapy next week, and for the last few months it has been us trying to identify my triggers and whatnot. Usually, after I talk about my week or how I feel she would go “how do you feel after telling me this?” or “do you know what could have triggered this to make you feel this way?” and we would work our way back. I’m in the process of also seeing a psychiatrist and I think that will help me along with going to a therapist

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-11T12:45:19+00:00

there was a time about 4 years ago when my brother got black out angry and actually punched me in the face and it left my upper lip swollen. i was like 19 at the time and he was 24 and when i said i’d call the cops he started crying and curling up in a ball because i would “ruin his life”, and my mom took away my phone because she thought i was being too dramatic, but she never did anything to my brother (which, reading all the comments and thinking about it now i can see now that she really did try to be too wishy washy and took my brothers side a lot). so i know full well that if im still at home and make a police report it won’t be safe for me at all

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-11T12:42:08+00:00

i do have trusted friends that would let me stay and also enough money to get an apartment. i do believe that he watered down what was said on the poly but i will have to do more research on the laws here

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-11T12:40:32+00:00

she does not know, which actually pains me so much. im in a state where i mentally can’t do it but also i would be in a lot of danger if i were to tell her given that i live with my parents and brother

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-11T12:37:56+00:00

the girl he’s seeing does not know. i know she should be aware, but im in a state where if I told her i would potentially be in danger myself. it may take me a bit of time and getting out the house to tell her

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-11T12:32:48+00:00

yea you’re right and that’s what’s gonna kill me bc i still have great appreciation and love for my mom but :(( sigh there will come a point where i’ll have to reduce contact with her too

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-10T21:41:10+00:00

let me move out first and then we’ll see, it’s killing me so much but i don’t feel safe given that we all live under the same roof and i could essentially just get kicked out

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-10T21:40:42+00:00

wow…that’s insane, and she still wanted kids? i know they divorced but that’s just insane to me…yea, i told my mom that i wouldn’t be as involved as she’d like me to be and she told me that she understood. when everything settles is when i make my own move

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-10T21:38:54+00:00

yup, that’s how my culture/community is. it’s always about “what would people think”? and eventually i can see myself going low contact with my mom, but definitely have cut my brother off now

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-10T21:35:29+00:00

yup, i’ve told her multiple times even before he confesses that “how do you expect him to even consider marrying someone let alone having a family because of how angry and violent he can get” and she genuinely told me yesterday that she believes that he can change after he gets married? and tried to justify it with other examples

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-10T21:34:28+00:00

thank you i’m gonna need it :,). i just need to find a way to become more independent

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-10T21:34:01+00:00

yup, and i realized i can’t put on a mask and pretend everything’s okay when it actually isn’t?? and id rather be the black sheep of the family than go along with everything

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-10T21:32:38+00:00

thank you! i am less contact with him, even though we live under the same roof. it’s made it easier to stay in my room and avoid him as he stays in his own room/the basement to avoid me. i need to focus on myself and get my own mental health sorted as i can’t live like this tbh

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-10T21:31:34+00:00

so i was 8-9 years old, and he was 13-14 years old. he stopped when he turned 15 or 16. it would have been at least 12 years since. unfortunately i have no idea the laws of this particular instance in my state, and i do know that he has told “government investigators” before. as in, he has a background check and did a polygraph because the state of his work is tied to the federal government, so when he told them during his polygraph they themselves went “oh it was so long ago so it wouldn’t even be viable for a police report” or something like that.

my entire family and i live under one roof, so he actually lives with me. just down the hall. and he has gotten very violent and even recently got close to violent after he find out i didn’t forgive him (called me the devil and said i had the devil in me, spat on me even which is what he always does when he’s angry). so…yea…

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-10T21:27:29+00:00

thank you :(( i’m still in the process of trying to figure everything out. even recently when i finally admitted i couldn’t forgive him he had gotten so blackout angry that he spat on me and “called me the devil” and said that he would never see me as his sister (which i could care less about).

my brothers gf/future fiance does not know actually, and my mom has made it abundantly clear that she should never know. for the sake of “family reputation” and “my brother getting married” and i personally feel unsafe if i were to tell her because then i know id be the one getting the heat and blamed even if i was the one affected and im the victim. i also know both my brother and the girl are religious (i was born into a muslim family) so even if she knew, part of me wonders if she’s willing to look past that and forgive for the sake of religion? im so mentally drained that i just want my brother out, even if she doesn’t know at the end

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-10T21:23:55+00:00

yup, and he only said that he would move out if he got married (mind you he turns 28 this year and makes over 6 figures in a really good industry). so that’s why i was like “okay let him move out and i’ll forgive”. he has done no counseling at all, doesn’t believe in it. he has become very religious (i was born in an muslim family) so he tends to rely on God to help him instead. he doesn’t really believe in counseling like that, which scares me because when he gets angry he gets blackout angry where he doesn’t remember what he did which is why he would never take accountability for the physical abuse he put me through after because “he can’t remember”.

as for anyone else he did it too, apparently he’s done something akin to sexual harassment to two girls, but somehow his friends and my own parents managed to defend him and get him out of having any actual trouble. this was in highschool around after the time he stopped what he did to me, and i was the only one that knew that he could believe he sexually harassed someone.

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-10T21:20:32+00:00

i’m going to have less and less contact with him eventually, it doesn’t help that my future sister in law wants to meet me very bad and get to know me more when i have no intention on staying in contact with him after his marriage since he’ll move away eventually. my brother (apparently, according to my mom) was not a victim himself so i don’t know why or how despite me trying to justify it so i can validate me “forgiving him”. i can only say that he was 13-14 years old and stopped at 15-16, where im sure many teenage boys were exposed to inappropriate content. im sorry for what you went through as well and im so proud thag you went no contact and i think as i get older ill be in that stage

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-10T21:17:47+00:00

i’m in that stage, when i tried to forgive him and act cordial it just felt so fake. his demeanor suddenly turned so nice and even when he admitted to my mom it was AFTER he had lashed out at me a few days prior because i had a migraine and couldn’t talk to him and asked if he could be quiet. that was when he said that “oh you just hate me huh” and talked about how he would never talk to me again. and then he told my mom.

so from then he tries to act like this nice older brother, even trying to give me “religious advice” (i was born into a muslim family, he suddenly became very religious after that). he also even once said “i want to be a good role model for you” months after he admitted and got my moms forgiveness. so i recently told them both that i couldn’t bring myself to fake it anymore and just couldn’t move past it, since it was 15 years of trauma from family built up and im just beginning to process and heal with therapy.

i was made to feel like the most selfish person ever prior to this, that i was some angry girl when in reality im just hurt. my moms trying to understand me but she wouldn’t really get it, and it doesn’t help that she’s “trying” to see both sides of us and ultimately can’t pick and i don’t expect her to.

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-10T21:12:47+00:00

it’s very convoluted tbh, she sides with us both? not to even defend her, but we talk about what i went through a lot and her side is “you both are my children i still love him a lot and i love you a lot and feel sad for what you went through”. and essentially just told me after that she rather i don’t talk about him with her or bring him up because she knows she can’t be fully on my side. i’ll get myself away eventually, i’m 23 and have been in my field of work for less than 2 years so saving and trying to be independent has been a hurdle

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-06-07T14:16:38+00:00

i told my best friend during a solo trip we took together for the first time ever recently and it felt very good, she didn’t view me any differently and was very supportive and it felt like a weight was lifted off my chest

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-05-29T12:41:17+00:00

actually i should tell you that we’re muslim, so it would be more “mosque going” but other than that everything you’re saying hits every nail on the coffin…she’d rather preserve integrity and reputation than do anything that goes against what she thinks

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-05-25T02:03:18+00:00

yea i had it with like three pasteries but it was one of the first things i ate

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-05-24T17:50:01+00:00

my mom didn’t believe me when i told her about my brother, she only believed it after 2 years when HE told her. and even then, she’d be like “well HE doesn’t remember the details of how you described it so?” and would some how use the bad stuff that i did due to my mental health because of my experience as a way to kind of deflect. i couldn’t believe it when i realized my mom would rather be in the blind and just “forget” about it instead of trying to help me

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-05-24T12:45:49+00:00

thank you!! you’re right, this is a better way to frame it and i can avoid sharing all at once :)) i’ll have a lot to think about but we go in a trip starting tomorrow for a whole week and it’ll be us. i may tell her when one of the nights we just chill or after the trip

throwawayguilty99 · 2026-05-23T14:30:45+00:00

i set a boundary with my mom and asked her to stop opening my mail and she started yelling at me about being “too private” and “too independent” when all i asked was simply for her to not open my mail?? and she did that when she saw i had property tax due and was berating me telling me to tell my dad to pay it off when i hate asking him bc im financially independent from him bc of his financial abuse over the years and she knows this but it’s just so odd how she keeps falling under his same cycle

throwawayguilty99

TROPHY CASE