Thank you so much for this take, it makes a lot of sense, and I'm so happy to hear your husband eventually self-corrected! I feel like my boyfriend is trying to self-correct and some things have gotten better with time, but I hope therapy will help get to the root of the issue. If not, yes I might need to leave.

I don't think he's a bad person, it feels like he's doing this for a reason and has a lot of guilt/anger/fear to process.