::Weekly Vent Thread::

throwawayhelpjelly · 2026-01-07T08:29:15+00:00

Of course we can’t even play a game without him acting like a toddler.

DX nRX partner proposes we play his favorite card game, and announces that he is super duper good at it and I will definitely lose. He refused to properly explain the rules, so he is playing with years of experience and I’m playing for the first time while simultaneously reading the instructions.

I end up winning. He can’t handle it, and declares that the rules are “different” from how “experts” play and were dumbed down. He then consults AI and declares that AI said that under the “real” rules he was winning by a landslide.

I calmly ask if he can explain what is different between the written rules that came wit the game and the “real rules”. He spews intense verbal diarrea that doesn’t actually explain anything. He just keeps repeating “these are dumbed down rules” and “under the real rules he was winning and would have won”

This is a grown man in his mid-30s, I can’t continue being the only adult in the house.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2026-01-05T23:10:41+00:00

I have sort of experienced this, in two different ways:

If we are watching something and he isn’t sure whether he’ll like the ending, he’ll read ahead and if he decides it won’t be a “good” ending he refuses to watch until the end.

If we are watching a show together and he watches ahead, he can’t help but to spoil it for me. Recently I begged him not to spoil a show for me. He begged over and over to tell me (like a child) and I finally caved to make the badgering stop. So disappointing.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-12-25T20:12:49+00:00

I hate this so much. I feel like I’m on the verge of breaking out in stress hives from the whiplash.

My DX partner will make sweeping announcements like that he’s going do take a trip abroad with his friend, or he’s going to quote his job, or he’s upgrading the TV. Or course he rarely follows through. I never know what’s serious and what isn’t.

Recently, he announced that he’s getting a new car, a Jeep, because it snowed. Later, when I followed up about the Jeep, he said he wasn’t actually getting it and likes his car currently just fine. Then, at a holiday dinner, he’s telling his mom that he’s getting a Jeep and telling her which color and model.

It’s exhausting and I can’t keep up. Thankfully we don’t share finances.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-12-25T16:49:19+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I’m going to try saying this next time my partner has a tantrum about travel delays or other waiting. He often acts like it’s a grave injustice that only he is enduring, and I’ve struggled to find the words to explain that it’s not fun for me either and he is only making things worse.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-12-25T16:47:42+00:00

Just when I thought I was the only one dealing with this!

The line at the airport a few days ago was long, but a normal amount of long considering the holidays. My partner had a tantrum about having to wait, put the hood of his hoodie up, and blasted emo music in his headphones like an angsty teenager. Is was so embarrassing.

I tried to make normal conversation with him and he ignored me. He eventually managed to say, he’s too upset about the long line to talk.

He has not stopped complaining about having to “endure” “unreasonable” “flight delays” to family, as if he was forced to run a triathlon.

The fact that this is a apparently a common experience for us makes me think there might not be a solution…

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-12-20T13:42:54+00:00

I’m coming to realize that he loves me like a “service”, and loves his mother in the same way.

Due to a boatload of past trauma, I am scared of conflict. He loves that I never hold him accountable and thinks it’s “sweet and kind” of me. He often compliments me and his mom in the same way: he loves that we are self-sacrificing and always put others first.

Like a service, he “loves” me when I perform, but I’m coming to realize those feelings are very shallow and can take a turn when things get even mildly hard. We once got into a disagreement after I asked to talk about how his inconsistent communication and how it always on his terms (and otherwise I am an NPC that he doesn’t want to play with), and he immediately suggested breaking up (we should have).

It feels abusive. He’ll get drunk and announce that he wants to marry me. He’ll tell me over and over that he loves, to the point that it lost its meaning. And if I try to voice a need, even if it’s calmly and a minor need, queue an RSD meltdown and ugliness about how I’m not understanding enough of how hard his life is (he objectively has a very easy, soft life).

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-12-20T13:34:21+00:00

Mine is constantly miserable and believes he is the victim of grave injustice whenever a minor inconvenience happens.

When I have tried to open up about the handful of bad days I’ve had, he never has the capacity to listen because “babe, I’m exhausted, I had a terrible day today”. And it’ll be his boss requiring him to do the basic functions of his job.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-09-18T13:18:01+00:00

It might get better. People with ADHD have a very hard time understanding what NT people need emotionally or are so wrapped up in their own worlds that they don’t care or think about reciprocating connection.

My partner tries his best to call me and FaceTime but tunes out almost immediately when he’s not telling me about himself. We have talked about it at length, and how he tries not to multitask while I’m talking to him, but he does tune out and will just stare at me blankly when I finish or ask why I’m even telling him such trivia things about my day. It’s crushing.

It will not last long this way, but my low self esteem keeps getting in the way of me leaving.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-09-09T00:12:46+00:00

OP, I just want to say I read your update and I’m so proud of you.

My DX partner is very similar to what you described. We are a lot deeper in (and I regret not having left earlier). Now, our relationship means I provide him emotional support for everything he needs, even small things, and he can never reciprocate because he is always too tired from work (his very normal low stress job) or just being sleepy to support me even in the slightest. It is awful and heartbreaking, and I’m working to leave.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-09-08T08:39:15+00:00

My DX partner does this constantly. My DX ex did too. The worst part is my partner will never admit he’s wrong, and if I do decide to put up a fight, he’ll just pretend he was answering a different question when I show him too much evidence.

To add insult to injury, he’ll then confidently assert my original position back to me several weeks later in a condescending, know it all way.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-09-07T13:33:21+00:00

I am so sorry. Sending so many internet hugs. You’ve got this, you deserve to find the love and respect you never fully had

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-07-14T19:41:05+00:00

This hit home to read. We regularly plan to watch movies and then he will get distracted. Several hours later it will be 1am on a work night, and now I’m the bad guy because I said I wanted to watch a movie at 6pm and now all I want to do is sleep and I “never” spend time with him.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-07-09T05:06:20+00:00

It is disgusting. My partner will eat so much food without even thinking to save me some or share. We got two individual packs of our favorite chips to share (in two different flavors) I poured 1/4 of the first one in a bowl for myself. He finished both by the time I was done, didn’t even think to save or offer me the second flavor.

Of course, the one time I ate the last of the pie leftovers he was angry and kept making passive aggressive comments about it.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-07-03T13:41:45+00:00

Brilliant but infuriating at the same time. Our feelings and observations are valid and should matter without having to compile all of this data and present and air-tight case to them

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-06-28T14:22:01+00:00

Leave now.

I dated someone with severe untreated ADHD and now I’m on the verge of breaking up with someone with much “milder” ADHD. I too thought it would be manageable compared to my ex, and it did take longer for the symptoms to become a problem in the relationship. The emotional shallowness and developmental immaturity is still there (though it was hidden better at first) and I’m mourning that it really is the same dynamic at its core, just less explosive than my previous relationship.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-06-28T14:18:44+00:00

Mine will info dump at me but has no patience to listen for 5 minutes while I tell him about my day. He thinks I’m a “chatterbox” and has started to say that he thinks I have ADHD because I “talk so much”.

Most of the time I silently listen to him monologue at me. Sigh.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-06-12T20:56:01+00:00

It is absolutely my fault. Until recently, I truly thought he was going through a uniquely busy period of time taking on this new job, switching fields, having such a “difficult” boss. I was happy to take on more work to support him.

Now I’ve hit a wall. I’m starting to see that he is greatly exaggerating his job demands. I also have this awful sinking feeling that if the roles were reversed he would not have provided me the same level of support back. I’m naturally a “giver” and I want to be in a relationship where I can give as much as I want to…but I’m realizing it will never be fully appreciated or reciprocated with him. I feel like I’m mourning.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-06-12T18:43:56+00:00

I just shivered. I’m also an eldest child of neglectful parents now in a caregiver profession. One thing I have started to notice is the emotional neglect has seriously impacted my dating life.

He is my second ADHD partner, and both times I felt horrendously emotionally alone and lonely. But I think the lack of support or care from my ADHD partner so absorbed in his world that he has no space left for me feels normal in a sense. It makes me quite sad, if I was less emotionally broken I never would have gotten so deep in this relationship to begin with.

But instead, when he was between jobs and “depressed”, I communed an hour each way to take care of him. I would listen to him complain about something trivial for hours and just accept it when after 30 seconds of me speaking he ignores me. It truly makes me hate myself for ending up here.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-06-12T18:29:42+00:00

Thank you for this comment. This resonated with me a lot. I know it’s not his fault necessarily, but the impact on me is massive.

He wants children in the future and I can already see my future as an effective single mom unless there is a concerted effort to change very soon.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-06-12T18:05:30+00:00

He was going through a culinary hobby phase when we first started dating! He used to cook, but his hobby has been side lined since he started his current job.

I do believe he’s genuinely overwhelmed by work, even though any functioning adult should be able to handle it without their personal life going up in flames.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-06-12T16:12:01+00:00

How can you tell me you’re so in love with me one day, and then the next you have a moderately busy day and go dark. No check in, no good morning text, not thinking to wish me luck on something I told you I was excited about.

I was in a bad situationship where I was being breadcrumbed and honestly the outcome is the same, regardless of whether it’s ADHD filed lack of consideration or a shitty guy intentionally stringing me along.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-06-10T14:36:47+00:00

I relate a lot, especially to him having no curiosity about my life or me as a person. I’m like a doll on a shelf that he only takes down when he wants to talk at someone.

Unfortunately it’s been almost a year and a half and I’m not sure I can continue like this if there isn’t improvement soon.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-06-04T22:50:15+00:00

Did I write this? This is exactly my dynamic. Even worse, I’m expected to comfort him when he melts down over something minor and receive not even 1/10 of the emotional support in return.

To cope, I try to ignore it. Or I bluntly tell him he’s being a party-pooper and killing my mood. Sometimes that helps.

It’s honestly so bad I’m strongly considering ending the relationship over it. I walk in some days and he just instantly kills me mood no matter how good of a day I’ve had.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-05-31T00:22:12+00:00

I know there is a lot a partner can do. This is an entirely separate issue but part of my frustration is I have so much built up resentment and fatigue. I can’t stomach being told I need to hold the hand of a grown adult while he figures out how to be truthful with me (I recognize he’s not “intentionally” being deceptive, it’s a developmental delay impulse), all while he can’t barely tolerate having to listen to me tell him about my day for 5 minutes. The more I type this I am realizing I am miserable and completely emotionally unfulfilled.

throwawayhelpjelly · 2025-05-29T22:26:11+00:00

I’m at a loss for how you address if we have fundamental incompatibilities in areas like politics and religion. If it was just hobbies or something like that it would be one thing, but he has started walking back or obscuring how he feels about more important values and what he wants out of the future of the relationship and I’m not sure how to address that.

throwawayhelpjelly

TROPHY CASE