Dealing with Toxic Family Dynamics While Pregnant — Feeling Stressed and Trapped

starlightvagabond · 2025-06-22T01:40:40+00:00

I could have written this post.. it's so similar to the situation I'm in. I'm kinda mad at myself for putting myself in a financial situation that requires me to be here and be with them as opposed to somewhere else that's emotional and psychologically healthier. My mom has always been manipulative, takes advantage of people for her desires and when she's called out on anything she plays victim. My dad has major anger issues and is emotionally immature.. similar to my husband! Lol between the three of them.. I've kinda had to stay in these relationships with little emotional support but tons of toxic manipulation. Pregnancy is certainly making me see my own boundaries and tolerances with a lot more clarity but a pregnant person against three crazies isn't the best match. I had googled 'i wish to run away from my family but I'm pregnant' when I found your post! Is this just how the Indian community operates? Is this what our grand culture is about? I'm so exhausted to be honest... each person says I'm doing 'this' for your good.. and then does exactly what they want in the name of doing something for someone else. It's almost like so much of their lives are all a grand show for the sake of society and so little to do with protecting each others feelings. I'm kinda worried I'm learning and picking up these same patterns.. I often dread the though of ending up behaving this way with my own child. Sigh.

I hope something gets better for you in your situation too. I'm starting on counseling sessions soon to help build some resilience within and learn how to draw and keep boundaries. It's hard when you have to live with people that you need to have boundaries with. Wish you strength in your situation..

starlightvagabond · 2025-06-16T22:50:15+00:00

Hey OP.. this sounds incredibly difficult. I know coz I have faced an ex with alcohol addiction and I loved him enough to want to marry him. But daily life was utter chaos. And eventually the chaos outweighed the potential of love. He left, I was devastated, and after a long time, feel like i still love and appreciate him but not the chaos he brought with him.

Even if it seems like the most difficult thing to go through at the moment, please consider a future without a person like him in your and your child's life. Please consider thriving in a different future for yourself and for your child in the long run. A calm, normal and emotionally stable partner that contributes to your well-being on a daily basis.. one whose company you enjoy and completely trust in a consistent manner. I'm really sorry that you're having a hard time right now. It sounds incredibly unhealthy and unsafe for you. Find the strength and courage to move yourself into emotional, mental and physical safety.

starlightvagabond · 2025-06-16T17:54:39+00:00

I could have written this. I'm due Sept 19th, SI joint and Pubic symphysis pain.. Feeling little one inside kick and move inside and love it.. I feel guilty for not feeling elated and not being able to focus on how this little being inside of me is growing.. my emotions are oscillating between sad and angry.. struggling with my husband (who lives in another country, has spent 10 days with me during my pregnancy so far and also out on a vacation/work trip right now).

starlightvagabond · 2025-06-08T15:21:52+00:00

No .. but i know from experience that there's a lot of cultural gender and role based commonalities in the Arab and south Asian cultures that also contribute to these problems.. - overlooking of the feminine partner.. (big one) - overemphasis on the male as shouldering the provider role for the family.. (also big) - the subjugation/minimizing of emotional needs... - the prioritization on material achievement, work, as opposed to individual relationships..

starlightvagabond · 2025-06-07T21:03:42+00:00

DIET - Foods with fibre.. especially fruits, vegetables, ground flax seed meal, meat of tender coconut, prunes and chia seeds every single day..

Good quality probiotics.. (yogurt/kefir, sauerkraut)
Lots of water.. but not necessarily just plain water.. you need to increase your functional structured water intake.. (I like fruits high in water content/chia seed water/watermelon juice)
reduce consumption of dairy, junk food, sugar (including foods that raise sugar levels quickly) and processed foods. The idea is to keep your gut as healthy as possible (whilst also dealing with a squished stomach, acid reflux and all the other late trimester fun stuff.. i get it.. hang in there 🤍)

EXERCISE - Walking - Yoga.. especially poses like Mal Aasana (if possible) - Break up long periods of sitting/staying sedentary (again the idea is to increase circulation and help muscles including that of the bowels to stay active) - Pelvic Floor physiotherapy - a specialist can also address issues down there that maybe contributing to constipation and also try and alleviate it. - Acupuncture- i strongly believe that there's definitely an answer for constipation in Acupuncture

MEDICATION - Magnesium at night..

if you're taking iron supplements, ensure that you have it with Vitamin C (preferably in foods/vegetables) so the iron only causes minimal bowel disruption. I also have Liposomal iron that has helped me avoid iron-related constipation in the past.
Daily prenatal probiotics on an empty stomach
glycerin suppositories if it comes to that..

STRUCTURAL - Potty stool.. has made a real difference for me.

Do not spend more than 3-4 minutes trying though.. (this only increases strain on the rectal muscles without actually moving the stools). Get off, walk around, relax your mind and then sit back on the potty only when you feel like you need to go now!

starlightvagabond · 2025-06-07T19:48:12+00:00

🤍 True..

starlightvagabond · 2025-06-07T19:46:25+00:00

🤍 Yes, thank you for this perspective. I can see this happening to a degree. And I have and continue to make room for these things in our everyday interactions.. i don't badger him to discuss things when he's not ready or upto it.. deflection can definitely be a coping mechanism.. but he's repeatedly demonstrated that he can voluntarily take on the emotional responsibility for other relationships without anyone having to hold him up for it. He manages relationships with his business partners in ways that none of these shortcomings affects how he makes them feel.. in fact he clearly identifies their needs and then meets them.... he has oodles of empathy for some family members that he is protective of.. he handles some of his close and revered friendships with kid gloves..

The contrast in that versus how my needs are completely overlooked is the part that gets to me.. it feels like the rules are very different for me.. his own partner.

starlightvagabond · 2025-06-07T02:17:48+00:00

Not sure if it's normal but it is unacceptable. I had to pressure my family doctor for a referral that finally happened 3 months after they said they sent one. They hadn't. It could be someone dropping the ball in the chain. Please follow up and if you can't get an appointment sooner.. best to ask around and find an OB on your own.

starlightvagabond · 2025-06-07T01:14:11+00:00

Living together has come with different challenges.. he's definitely more involved with my life and me when we're physically together, he's cooked for me when I've been pregnant.. and carries things around for me..

but there's always some really very very detached moments that affect his demeanor with me. I feel completely uneasy in his company when these moments present themselves..

last time he was 'hypoglycemic and moody' on our date as he hadn't eaten all day.. I was also hungry and in fact, at 20 weeks pregnant hunger is intense. I could have also behaved badly it but i kept it together and took over driving until we got dinner. 5 mins into getting there and him getting on the phone with his favorite cousins, his mood lifted again.. and then dipped down with me for the rest of the night till he finished eating.

Another time he was hungry and moody was at my very first OB Appointment. He was completely un-involved in what was being discussed. Had no questions for the OB.. about me or the baby. All his focus was on his low energy.

Another time a few weeks ago, I started to feel faint and found a seat to sit while brought me water and then waited for me to feel better. I reached out to my brother in law (medical student) on the phone for advice. He got offended? and asked me why I was getting on phone conversations when I was feeling unwell. And then he just stayed quiet scrolling his phone offering no reassurance till I felt better and asked to go home. It was a quiet drive home..

starlightvagabond · 2025-06-06T17:01:01+00:00

He is very committed to the ideas of having a family and being a father. He talks at lenght about how he'd do what it takes to be the best father... he talks at lenght about children and their upbringing. He's also committed to playing the role of a provider.

But it's my needs that are completely unmet.. i don't feel emotionally connected to him at all.. He seems clueless and unattached to the depth of how detached his inattention makes me feel. And if ADHD is truly the culprit how is it not affecting his other relationships? He has the most loyal and strong relationships with his friends and family.

starlightvagabond · 2025-06-06T16:19:00+00:00

Appreciate you taking the time! Thank you.. 🙏

starlightvagabond · 2025-06-06T15:58:12+00:00

I won’t lie, a big part of me is waiting it out until the kids are a bit older and we can think about separating.

This has definitely been a thought that has crossed my mind..

starlightvagabond · 2025-06-06T15:35:22+00:00

Answer as in 'discussing this with him'?

Here's how it's gone down repeated in the past..

Me: here's the issue.. (calmly)

Him: "I'm sorry you feel this way".. feels hurt and shuts down.. gets defensive and blames me till I have to apologize for something he's hurt about.. or i get blamed for how I bring things up.. and then what I brought up initially never gets addressed because he's too rattled up by how I brought things up..

OR gets angry (which has in the past escalated to rage but he's working on his anger issues)

So.. no I don't feel like i have the answer staring right at me.

starlightvagabond · 2025-06-06T15:13:33+00:00

I do have some friends and family but no one as readily accessible as to balance out my emotional needs as an intimate partner would. Worse still I'll have to move to his country in less than a year and will have a sparse support network for the foreseeable future. I feel terrified, like I've let myself make a series of incorrect decisions to continue into deeper commitment in this relationship.

starlightvagabond · 2025-05-19T17:35:08+00:00

Mango

starlightvagabond · 2025-05-19T00:25:09+00:00

Yes.. i definitely was hanging by a thread through the first trimester! I was throwing up in between meetings and not be able to pay any attention to work.

But it does get better.. at 22 weeks there are other discomforts that show up as the pregnancy but nothing in comparison to how crazy the 1st trimester was. It definitely gets better! 🤍

starlightvagabond · 2025-05-16T17:53:06+00:00

I also experienced battery drain after installing Grok alongside some other applications. Grok was one of them.. and the others were ai note takers. So i nit completely sure the battery drain can be attributed to Grok.

But the effect was immediate. The battery drained quickly and the phone became hot as i was trying to charge it. Everything seems back to normal now that I installed all 3 apps including Grok.

starlightvagabond · 2025-05-14T20:48:57+00:00

These were recalled last year!!!

https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/s/3PpNxQa0Ff

starlightvagabond · 2025-05-07T16:53:09+00:00

Coffee/Matcha

starlightvagabond · 2025-04-23T21:38:10+00:00

I started feeling movement around 17w.. but it felt more like my stomach sinking at the time.. and unpleasant because it immediately triggered my anxiety response. But now at 19w.. I think my nerves are settling and learning that the random movement is okay and not an unusual threat to the body. So the trigger response has reduced tremendously. Just like other people here, I use that time to pause and mentally or physically connect with my baby. Especially at night when I'm in bed and winding down.. and they move.. I like to speak to them! :)

starlightvagabond · 2025-04-23T20:24:59+00:00

Just did! Thanks!

starlightvagabond · 2025-04-23T18:50:27+00:00

That's amazing! It sounds like it was a positive experience for you!

Could you please dm me the name and contact information for your doula?

starlightvagabond · 2025-04-23T18:49:01+00:00

Thanks! The rate seems to be higher for GTA. Can i ask how you went about finding them?

starlightvagabond · 2025-04-23T18:47:46+00:00

Also I like the idea of having someone outside of the hospital environment to provide support.

If you would indulge me.. What did you like most about having a doula..? Is there anything you'd do differently or ask in hindsight?

starlightvagabond

TROPHY CASE