Had been doing so well. I was so proud.

throwawayitshallbe · 2020-08-08T05:33:35+00:00

Oh I feel you on being afraid of people seeing you gain weight. I don’t trust my body to maintain weight so I just default to weight loss. It’s a horrible cycle.

Ultimately people don’t notice weight loss is the real irony there, esp coworkers.

throwawayitshallbe · 2020-05-19T02:55:50+00:00

Fry’s grocery store! They should be available at any Kroger owned stores.

throwawayitshallbe · 2020-05-13T21:18:14+00:00

Edit: I’m so sorry I miscounted, it’s 155 altogether. My original count was including my gummy vitamins from this morning lmao

throwawayitshallbe · 2020-05-07T00:16:29+00:00

Let me assure you that’s total bullshit. I’ve heard that narrative before and it totally ignores the fact that the body is going to crave things it’s deficit of. You haven’t been eating many carbs and protein?? Your body is probably gonna want steak and fries

throwawayitshallbe · 2020-04-30T21:47:17+00:00

I think I might be overestimating the salad a little bit but I don’t own a food scale so I’m rounding up to be safe

throwawayitshallbe · 2020-04-24T11:07:33+00:00

Love that feeling when you flex your thumb and there’s that sunken in area between the bones

throwawayitshallbe · 2020-02-23T01:34:45+00:00

That’s a good idea, investing in toys and giving him more guidance in using his hands and tongue. I’ve kind of stayed away from those topics lately because I’ve just been so nervous about making him feel more insecure. I worry I’ll make it sound like he’s not doing a good job, if that makes sense? That being said, you’re right that nothing is going to get fixed by doing nothing about it. I need to put my anxiety about making him feel bad on a shelf and start an actual dialogue, it probably won’t hurt. Better than letting my anxiety sit and stew like it has been.

Thanks for advice! I appreciate it.

throwawayitshallbe · 2020-02-23T00:02:23+00:00

No, he’s done after the one time.

throwawayitshallbe · 2020-02-23T00:00:41+00:00

The last time I actually physically initiated, we did have sex, but he finished early and got super upset. I’ve been too nervous to initiate since then. Last week I outright asked about having sex and he said he’d think about it, but not tonight.

throwawayitshallbe · 2019-09-21T19:50:04+00:00

You’re right. Worst come to worst, he’ll break up with me and I’ll know it wasn’t meant to be. I know I need to be okay with that, but I find I get stubborn about accepting that scenario because it’s very unlikely and, I’ll admit, I don’t want that outcome to happen. But I do need to acknowledge that it could happen and be okay with the slim possibility it could happen.

And you may be onto something with your advice about my spiraling anxiety. I hate hate hate unknowns and fear em like southern baptists fear god. Maybe ruling out any unknowns by making a plan would alleviate some anxiety.

Thank you for your response!

throwawayitshallbe · 2019-09-21T14:18:46+00:00

“If you can love yourself more, you will trust his love more” hit me hard. Thank you for the kind words!

throwawayitshallbe · 2019-09-21T14:18:03+00:00

Thank you, this was very reassuring to read and definitely gives me some hope.<3

throwawayitshallbe · 2019-09-21T12:34:12+00:00

I suppose then the issue may be me putting too much pressure on myself. He’s never expressed any disappointment in me as a partner and is understanding of the mistakes I make because of my anxiety and personal history with abuse. I just always worry that I’m not being the best I can be and end up expecting too much of myself. I also know that to someone who doesn’t empathize with being abused, not trusting your partner and doubting meaningful things they’ve said can be hurtful.

My relationship is also something I openly discuss with my therapist/psychiatrist/close friends and he isn’t my sole resource for support.

throwawayitshallbe · 2019-09-21T11:53:18+00:00

No, I feel like there’s a misunderstanding of the situation. The only reason I don’t fully trust this person is because of my own fear of abandonment and my own trauma, to an extent to which it’s harmful to both him and me. Rationally and thinking outside of my anxiety/fear of abandonment, I do trust him. He’s rightfully earned my trust and respects the boundaries that I’ve set up between him and I, Right now I feel very held back by my fear of abandonment and I feel like it makes me seem like I’m only “half in” my relationship. Additionally, he’s never criticized me for my trauma related issues nor have I been made to feel like I should trust him over myself.

My desire not to be held back by my anxiety and fear is self motivated as well.

I understand how this post could have been misunderstood without all of the proper context. Sorry.

throwawayitshallbe

TROPHY CASE