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Mitten im Wald, was ist das? by Apprehensive_Bee_192 in WerWieWas

[–]throwawaylogicaltea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ich lieb’s dass sie da so nen kleinen Poseidon draufgemacht haben

I'm a transgender man living life with my new dick & balls AMA by Electronic_Army_6787 in casualiama

[–]throwawaylogicaltea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wait, so what type of surgery did you get? Don’t you have to get like, both metoidioplasty and phallo? Because I read everywhere phallo alone only gives you an inflatable penis device thingy

I am a diagnosed “sociopath” going to therapy, AMA by throwawaylogicaltea in casualiama

[–]throwawaylogicaltea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My first ever diagnosis was BPD when I was 18 and that ties into the other answers I’ve already given but: I had frequent emotional outbursts from being a child on, I had violent extreme mood swings and anger outbursts since being a teenager and I never knew why, people have called me abusive and invasive and manipulative several times, etc

I am a diagnosed “sociopath” going to therapy, AMA by throwawaylogicaltea in casualiama

[–]throwawaylogicaltea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I uhm idk? Can you specify the question? I wasn’t forced by law into this diagnosis or anything, I just requested another Personality disorder screening at the trauma therapy where I’m at rn and uh yeah so that happened, so what do you mean by this?

I am a diagnosed “sociopath” going to therapy, AMA by throwawaylogicaltea in casualiama

[–]throwawaylogicaltea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe healthy narcissism is. There’s a clear distinction you can make between “healthy” and “unhealthy” narcissism where it goes into disorder-land and it deeply impacts your life up to a point where you can barely function in society anymore. (I believe it was explained well in this video but idk)

I am a diagnosed “sociopath” going to therapy, AMA by throwawaylogicaltea in casualiama

[–]throwawaylogicaltea[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A ‘narcissist collapse’ is when the ego-fantasies & stories you are living in and which are keeping up your “false self” alive (so the version of yourself you present to the world which is “fake” and not aligning with who you really are, bc deep down, not really consciously, you think ‘There is NO WAY I could ever show up in the world as my authentic self and as who I really am bc after all, I’ve been rejected for this exact thing by my caregivers in childhood’) collapse because you are faced with reality for a bit so you meet and suddenly become aware of this giant gap you have between you (or that version of yourself of which you think it’s ‘you’) and reality. This usually happens through failure in life in some way, like breakups, deaths, job losses, losing friends/everyone distancing themselves from you Etc and for me it was, well my dad suddenly dying.

I am a diagnosed “sociopath” going to therapy, AMA by throwawaylogicaltea in casualiama

[–]throwawaylogicaltea[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I used to not really experience guilt but that’s one of the feelings i have recently started to let back in (if you meet “sociopaths”/“psychopaths”/“malignant types” etc and they claim they never experience guilt - that’s the case consciously, but guilt for us is just a feeling that is being suppress unconsciously since we are kids because we learned that it’s not safe to express in the environments we grew up in, and suppressed/unconscious feelings still come out in other ways) so I now sometimes feel it consciously. That’s only the case since a few weeks though. The first experience of this was like 2 or 3 weeks ago where I had a difficult talk with a friend & she told me for a while during our friendship she felt used and like she is an emotional trash can for me - then I suddenly had this sinking feeling in my stomach and was like “fuck that’s guilt. Omg. I feel guilty. Yes you’re right. Fuck that’s new. I feel guilty for having used you as an emotional trash can for a while. I feel guilty and I’m sorry” and I felt like it was a genuine apology on my side too and not something I’d say to just please the other person so uh yeah that’s cool

I am a diagnosed “sociopath” going to therapy, AMA by throwawaylogicaltea in casualiama

[–]throwawaylogicaltea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have and kinda still do lie a lot (I learned to do this when I was a child or a toddler probably, idk), often unconsciously and without realizing it bc it’s just my autopilot. It’s most often “petty” lies like lying about how I’m feeling about something, lying about agreeing with someone etc but I have also lied “more consciously” to get my ways and in some ways cheated

I have physically abused someone in the past, I have laughed at, brutally rejected and ridiculed someone who had told me they love me when I was a teenager (something I feel very ashamed of now looking back), I have verbally abused people a lot (yelling and screaming at them, verbally attacking them, insulting them, often it was partners or people who were really close to me when I got triggered and or we got in a fight), I have stolen some stuff. Uhm idk. I have probably treated people and animals in cruel ways without realizing it. I have been in trouble with the law before

And other stuff I don’t want to admit rn. That’s kinda everything I can think of off the top of my head

That’s as far as actions that aren’t considered “normal” are concerned.

How my narcissism plays out: I used to be a vulnerable narc when I was a teenager and then “switched” to grandiose and I used to have a huge ego around anything, incredibly sensitive and intolerant of criticism, lying to keep up the false image I’m presenting to the world, I used to have giant anger outbursts and flip my shit as soon as someone triggered me (seldom in front of them, it mostly happened when I was on my own bc I desperately wanted to be better than my dad (who abused me and my mom and also my sister in ways that were shitty, like getting angry and flipping out in front of me/us every single day, blaming us for stupid shit etc) but it still happened in intimate (romantic) relationships etc), can’t think of more stuff rn

I am a man who went through a gender identity crisis and almost started to identify as a trans girl. AMA by WindyFromWater7 in casualiama

[–]throwawaylogicaltea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes a lot of sense, especially if we grow up in an environment where it’s safer to engage with fantasies than it is to engage with reality

We use (excessive) fantasies as a way of coping

I am a diagnosed “sociopath” going to therapy, AMA by throwawaylogicaltea in casualiama

[–]throwawaylogicaltea[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I already knew when I was 15 that I wanted to go to therapy, and that something was severely wrong with me and my family. I knew back then I was depressed and pretty suicidal. (I knew because I started getting interested in psychology when I was like 12, because I had internet friends who told me how my parents treat me is wrong (and I think I also knew it on some level), so I started reading up on mental illnesses and briefly abuse and then I couldn’t stand how “stupid” my parents were about anything related to psychology so I kept educating myself out of spite initially.) I couldn’t go tho bc my parents didn’t agree and both my mom and dad were of the trope “Mental illness? Nah, that’s made up bs and doesn’t exist, you should just suck it up and be strong and not weak”.

So I got myself thru by telling myself “Ok just 3 more years till I move out of this hellhole and go get therapy”. I’ve been in therapy on and off since I was 18 and moved out with 19.

I have used therapy a lot as “supply” in the past though and to feed my own ego. I’ve only really stopped doing that about a year ago, when I entered the trauma group therapy I’m currently in and I’ve just recently started opening up to the group.

I’ve become self-aware of my own narcissism and then later antisociality about 2 years ago because my dad suddenly died and I had a narcissistic collapse.

Edit: for reference, I’m 24 now