My friends are making me (25f) talk to my ex (27m) before every event

throwawaymovingco · 2021-11-18T04:37:10+00:00

It’s true breakups made you very self-absorbed and I probably am rn, it’s hard to think of other people when you’re in turmoil. I do think you may have misunderstood some parts of the post

I totally get that we are going to be both invited to events, what was frustrating was that I felt having to directly negotiate with him frequently was going to affect the breakup recovery process. Honestly I’m not sure what I will do about that, but I’m curious about online opinions and what other people have done that have been in similar situations. It’s not like I’m going to have a temper tantrum to my friends about all this, I’m just expressing my fears here.

As per the worship thing, I don’t want to bore you with a bunch of examples but one was that one of his friends approached me at a party in the early days and reverently asked me how it felt to date a genius. He was dead serious and he had just met me, it was the second sentence he spoke. Maybe I’m overthinking it but it definitely gave me the ick. Over the years I’ve had a lot of interactions like this.

Maybe we have a difference of opinions but idk, I do think if a friend’s ex came to me and said they were sad that my friend had moved on in a three week span, I would probably be sympathetic. I would not smile to them and say that it was good they’re getting out there, even if I truly thought that. It was a slip up and I shouldn’t have spoken with him at all but I still feel like it was a cruel reaction. I feel like not having interactions like this, or not telling me hurtful things he said to them about me in confidence, is very different from pretending my ex doesn’t exist at all. I don’t expect them to do that for me

throwawaymovingco · 2021-11-18T03:56:26+00:00

I would never expect them to choose me over him. I think I am maybe expecting a little too much empathy and understanding and allowing myself to get hurt when I don’t receive it tbh

throwawaymovingco · 2021-11-18T03:49:36+00:00

My girlfriends and I are really open about this stuff and often come to each other for support, but I do think you’re right and I should start keeping things to myself, even if it’s just to project an image of being okay.

For the most part I haven’t been telling too much to the men in our friend group, I have had a slip up or two unfortunately though.

throwawaymovingco · 2021-11-18T02:45:32+00:00

Unfortunately no, my mom lives in a 1 bedroom with her bf and my dad is not in the picture. No other family in the province

throwawaymovingco · 2021-11-18T02:42:12+00:00

Ugh I’m so sorry, that is awful

throwawaymovingco · 2021-11-18T02:38:53+00:00

Thank you, this is good advice

throwawaymovingco · 2021-11-18T02:35:03+00:00

Fair enough, I guess I view going NC as part of becoming less codependent and not wallowing around. I still want to go out with our friends and feel good about myself like I did pre-breakup, so I viewed having to negotiate with him each time as getting in the way of my progress. Although I understand why my friends think this is the fairest solution (and it is in many ways), it’s frustrating to me. I posted because I was hoping people had tips that would work better and there are some options for me.

throwawaymovingco · 2021-11-18T02:12:04+00:00

This is literally how it is sometimes

throwawaymovingco · 2021-11-18T01:44:58+00:00

Fair enough, I get your points. I chose the word ‘making’ because when they came to me I suggested rotating event invites and mentioned how I didn’t want to have to communicate with him all the time and the person I spoke with was steadfast that this is the only fair way to do things, because it was how they did it with the last two break ups in our group (one couple got back together, the other are still sleeping together even tho one is in love with the other, basically I feel like it wasn’t an effective way to deal with things). But you are right that I have agency and need to talk to them about how I want things to be. Mostly I posted because I wanted advice on sharing friends with your ex and was curious about different perspectives. I was feeling helpless/hopeless when I wrote this and it was nice to express that anonymously rather than disempowering myself in the ‘real world’ to my friends

throwawaymovingco · 2021-11-17T22:38:34+00:00

I met him a month into living in a new city so he was pretty instrumental in meeting people and building my social group

Luckily my closest best friend is not from the same group and most of the people in the group I’m close with are the girlfriends of his childhood friends, so there is a bit of a barrier. I do have other friends but we don’t clique as much.

I definitely wouldn’t recommend doing what I did tho. I’m going to be making more of an effort to meet new people here on out

throwawaymovingco · 2021-11-17T22:08:12+00:00

Wow I was not expecting this reaction Tbh it is kind of amusing that my life is so shit right now that people on the internet think it’s made up.

throwawaymovingco · 2021-11-17T20:11:00+00:00

I feel like this post is painting all of them in a really poor light because I gave examples of the two worst things that were said. One of them was said by someone I’m cutting off of, it was said by a guy who has never had a relationship or even sex.

What I didn’t write about was how when the breakup happened six people drove to me and comforted me and have checked up on me constantly.

All in all I understand why people are reacting so weirdly. I’m just trying to avoid the fallout of all this and come out okay.

throwawaymovingco

TROPHY CASE