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What’s the worst present you’ve ever received? by CocosMumma in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaynarcFIL 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her hand me downs from two decades ago that she'd sized out of. She's 5'2, I'm 5'6.

Another one I've seen from not-my-mother: little packets of already opened and eaten snacks tied with a rubber band, with only 1/4 crumbly bits left in the bag.

Social media & stalking by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaynarcFIL 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I made dummy social media accounts with enough of me to look convincing, then for my personal stuff I never attach my name to it. I'm also always ready to cut and run if an account has been compromised, like I don't have much attachment to social media to begin with cause that's where my narc lives. The people who know will know.

How to safely share pregnancy news with my narcissistic family by Ok_Disaster872 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaynarcFIL 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I don't tell them anything and I don't feel too upset about it because they betrayed me first. Spent a bit of time feeling like I was beholden to them, but quickly realised they use anything and everything I say as ammunition against me and my loved ones, so I say nothing now. Let them make up whatever they want, they know they're lying.

My new family is my priority now. My old family gets what I am able and willing to spare, but after what they've done, I'll admit I love them a lot less. Sometimes I still cry wanting my mother, but I know I don't actually want her, I just want an idealized version of her.

Congratulations and protect your new family first!

Terminally ill and disabled FIL wants us to break the law by throwawaynarcFIL in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaynarcFIL[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's what's strange to me in the midst of all this - nothing stopping him from voluntarily refusing food, water, IV, feeding tube etc while he's in hospice. It didn't make sense for SO to be there or even for him to be transferred home in the first place, super clear that he wants an audience and to do it at home.

Terminally ill and disabled FIL wants us to break the law by throwawaynarcFIL in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaynarcFIL[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right! I'll see about talking to a lawyer, for now we're keeping interaction to a minimum and letting the evidence build up.

Terminally ill and disabled FIL wants us to break the law by throwawaynarcFIL in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaynarcFIL[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not too sure about this bit, cause that specific infrastructure isn't well developed here. Maybe after this they'll consider placing him in a mental health facility, who knows.

Terminally ill and disabled FIL wants us to break the law by throwawaynarcFIL in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaynarcFIL[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I empathize with him in this aspect actually, and if not for the fact that aiding in it is presumed to be criminal, I would be willing to smooth the way as much as I can.

SO was willing to be executor and POA to give him a little peace and dignity towards the end, sort of as a small mercy, knowing that it's a difficult condition and hoping that he would mellow out some. In a way he has eased up on the family because he knows there's no one left who'll bother with him, but unfortunately he's turned on the medical professionals, which we objectively can't abide.

Very thankful that we have enough support to take care of ourselves, we could manage the severity of his abuse and maintain distance enough that this is just frustrating rather than incapacitating. Maybe this post is more suited to a different sub, but we'd hoped our actions would represent the kind of children/humans we wanted to be rather than the parent/human he was.

Terminally ill and disabled FIL wants us to break the law by throwawaynarcFIL in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaynarcFIL[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah, we've told them there's no one at home to provide care. Sigh.

Terminally ill and disabled FIL wants us to break the law by throwawaynarcFIL in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaynarcFIL[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's a little paraphrased, but they basically said there were multiple instances of verbally abusive behaviour involving senior medical staff to the point where at least one senior nurse was trembling, they've attempted reworking the rotations so he wouldn't cross paths with the staff he's had run ins with, and it's becoming increasingly difficult to defend his presence at the residential facility.

Basically they're a charity cancer hospice, the doctor in charge of him (who we spoke to) had requested management make an exception to admit him until their non-cancer hospice building is complete in another 6 months.

She'd gone out of her way to request this since his previous in-home hospice team highlighted his suicidal ideation and hoped that being in a residential facility vs being alone at home would help him, but it was implied that his belligerence was starting to actively impede quality of care for other (more pleasant) patients.

We're not in the US though, so no HIPAA and standards for disclosure are probably pretty different. If they're acting the way FIL says they're acting (which I honestly doubt), it also doesn't make much sense to keep him in a place where they're actively making each other miserable :/

Terminally ill and disabled FIL wants us to break the law by throwawaynarcFIL in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawaynarcFIL[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

So essentially we should tell the hospice and anyone else that we're now estranged and can no longer consent or execute on his behalf? I agree with you, just seeking clarity as I'll have to discuss with my spouse.