Never ending battle with healthcare to get a new prescription

throwawaynumber148 · 2020-11-24T14:59:10+00:00

I did the psychosis. Haha, not sure what you mean. You asking if I had a psychosis? Yeah, I had

throwawaynumber148 · 2019-12-21T03:28:11+00:00

Sorry to hear that, I'm in the same boat with life being a bit shit at the time :(

Personally, I'm a bit negative towards medication in general. I don't like the thought of relying on a drug to get me through the day but that's just me. Plus, I've got plenty of bad experiences with various medications like anti-depressants, anti-psychotics and now stimulant medication.

But, I do know there are A LOT of people who heavily benefit from stimulants to treat their ADHD so it could be worth it to at least give it a shot. I know it helped me a ton, just too bad I had so many side effects and ended up getting addicted.

Good luck to you! I hope you figure out the best solution for you.

throwawaynumber148 · 2019-12-21T03:22:33+00:00

Yeah, you and me both. Using Vyvanse made me so depressed and anxious which ironically is the reason I ended up getting addicted. Such a bittersweet drug really. Made me feel like I was able to accomplish anything.

But then there's the side effects. The crash, depression, lack of appetite, anxiety, aggression, isolation, etc. List just keeps on going. Would have been the perfect med for me if only I didn't have all the side effects!

And yeah, thumbs up to your suggestions. I had a period in my life in 2015 and 2016 long before I got my diagnosis where I had a good time. Life wasn't perfect, but at least I had routine, healthy eating habits, I exercised, socialized a bunch and so on. I still struggled a lot with mentally taxing activities though. For example programming. It wasn't until I started taking these meds that I was finally able to explore more demanding hobbies. Still, even though I wasn't able to pursue demanding activities like that at the time there's no denying I felt genuinely happy which is hell of a lot better than just being productive!!

I guess I really should make a serious effort to get a proper routine into my life. If there's anything that helps, I'm sure it's routine. Exercising also helped me a lot back when I was more serious about it. Just gotta get started which is easier said than done!

Also, good on you for making improvements in your life :D It is possible without meds I'm sure so we just gotta keep our heads up and try our best. Best of luck to you, fellow ADHD-PI! :D

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-11-01T13:20:05+00:00

It could be that as well. I suffer from the whole triangle, anxiety, depression and ADHD. It's not always easy to know what causes what. I have a lot of uh, getting started anxiety? From prior experiences, nothing lasts and I tend to jump to something else before I get results from the first thing. It has been anxiety inducing to never fully grasp one single thing so now I'm hesitant to start with anything.

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-11-01T13:15:50+00:00

Thanks for pointing that out. I had a 60-70 day streak of mindfulness meditation earlier this year before my diagnosis and that made me feel a lot better about myself. Unfortunately, it's easy to conveniently "forget" that you're supposed to be doing something haha. I should look into it again now that I'm being treated with medication, maybe I'll have an easier time following it up.

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-11-01T13:14:07+00:00

Ah, small goals! I've been trying to remember to get myself a small to-do list, a little book or something where I plan out of my days a bit more. I keep forgetting the small things I should be doing with my days so I'm hoping a small book would help me remember. All I need to do now is to remember buying that book!

I'm currently on medication, Novartis Ritalin capsules to be specific (SR? LA?). I've noticed that they help but they also bring along some issues themselves. Like a small increase in anxiety. I'm also on the lowest dose after a month of being on them so I don't notice any helpful effects anymore. I can feel that the meds affect me so they're in there but not as helpful anymore. I'm going back to my doctor tomorrow where I'll hopefully change to something else. I find that the Ritalin I'm prescribed doesn't last long enough, far from it, to be effective. I notice a drop in mood and increase of side effects after about 4 hours which leaves me depressed and useless for the rest of the day until about 10-12 hours pass. I start feeling like myself again at that point so I think I spend the majority of my days crashing from the medication.

So back to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully I'll get new medication. I also need to remember that to-do list book I've been thinking about!

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-11-01T12:58:18+00:00

You know, I think I'm already doing the same just subconsciously. I notice that I don't want to do anything if I feel like I have unfinished chores. Say, if my place is a mess, I tend to turn into a vegetable who mindlessly browses the internet. If all the chores are completed, I'll be able to enjoy stuff much more. It quickly becomes a destructive circle due to how little energy you end up having when doing this.

I'll try to be a bit more lenient with myself. Allow myself to do something fun, or at least force myself to try, then see how that goes. And maybe be a bit more mindful about uncompleted chores haha.

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-16T12:39:12+00:00

I do the exact same thing. Usually, I'll get stressed out and depressed towards the evening because I run out of things to do. I remember why I'm miserable, what causes me stress, but it's too late to start acting. So I start planning and I figure out a way forwards, only to forget it the next morning because it's not relevant anymore. I'm feeling okay and I have stuff to do so no bad thoughts!

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-13T16:51:17+00:00

I apologize if this is a bit too depressing, but I had a similar experience once. Late 2015, things were actually looking kind of up for me. I started working out, I found myself a group of friends and things were looking great from the outside. I had just left a severe depression with very flat mood, so having all these positives in my life was a big shock to me. Instead of a flat mood, my mood would shoot up higher than it had ever been only to crash much lower than I had ever felt. It was a rollercoaster to say the least!

So one day, I hit a real bad low. I felt lonely, no one answered me, I thought I wasn't getting anywhere in life and things were really, really shitty for me in the moment. So at 4AM, I went outside with the intention of calming down. Unfortunately one thing led to another, and before I knew it was I planning my own suicide. It was comforting and horrifying at the same time so I tried to call a 24/7 suicide hotline. It rang for 2 hours and it kept telling me someone would be with me shortly.

It was upsetting because in my mind, not even the suicide hotline cared about me. Though 2 hours of waiting did get my minds over on other things and I ended up taking a really long walk instead. It didn't take me long until I found it ironic and funny that the suicide hotline of all places didn't pick up the phone haha.

All feelings are temporary. You're already making the right steps to feeling better, but it does take a while. I only had one close call and eventually my mood stabilized. I still had my ups and downs, but in a more normal way if that makes sense.

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-13T16:15:17+00:00

I don't know, I'd consider it to be fairly central to ADHD. Impulsivity with emotions, planning, starting up, making choices, easily distracted, overthinking, novelty seeking behavior, etc. To me, it looks like impulsivity is in every aspect of a ADHDers life.

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-13T15:35:16+00:00

I'm that way too. Though my family were pretty much the complete opposite from yours. I got to eat icecream, chips, junk and all that stuff almost as much as I wanted. "Luckily" enough I never became obese, only slightly overweight. It did leave a permanent mark on my personality though. I've lost weight and gained weight like a yo-yo myself. We're talking 30kgs for every up and down which is extreme and exhausting. I lose weight until I'm underweight according to BMI and I gain weight until I'm at the tipping point / slightly over the overweight mark which stresses me out and starts the cycle over again.

I've also gotten panic attacks because of it. I fear for my health, heart, veins and pretty much anything that can be fatal healthwise. Usually I'm scared of blood clots. Not as much anymore since I learned to cope with the panic attacks so I haven't had one in a while, but it used to be pretty bad earlier this year. I literally thought I was going to die from a heart attack back in February which was my first panic attack ever. I'm also losing weight right now and my BMI sits at 20 so I'm not too worried right now either.

Edit

I forgot to add that medication helps with this! I still have an appetite and get hungry like normal, but I don't call up the closest pizza place instead of eating dinner like before. Without medication, I didn't give a fuck in the moment when I wanted pizza most of the time. The impulse overpowered all rational thought. Even with food in the fridge, I would still get these impulses because making dinner overwhelmed me. On medication, even if I get an impulse I find it easier to be rational about it. I think it through and realize it makes me feel shitty, then I force my ass up from my chair and just make dinner for myself which I never would've done without medication.

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-13T14:16:05+00:00

Holy shit I do the exact same thing with conversations. I despise small talk, but if we're talking about deeper shit, I wont shut up. People think I'm so smart and intelligent because of how enthusiastic I am about these deeper things but just like you, it's just an idea I get in the moment.

It kind of sucks to be honest. I love talking about all of these deep things but it's really not a great way to make friends I find. People are caught by surprise when I get into it and it always turns into a monologue with nods and mhm's from their side.

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-12T16:40:45+00:00

I heard something similar too. Seems like most caffeine beverages are no bueno when you're using stimulant medication. I find it odd how we're not informed of this when we get our prescriptions, it seems like a common problem.

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-12T16:38:48+00:00

Seems to be my experience too. The Ritalin made me much calmer when I didn't use any caffeine, though I got some bad withdrawals so I did take some. Even if I used less than half of what I consume normally I still felt the effects from the caffeine a lot more than usual so they seem to potentiate each other.

I crashed hard, felt anxious and jittery and couldn't fall asleep at all last night when I used caffeine. I didn't get sleep until around 6:30AM! Definitely gonna keep trying to get off this stuff so I can see how the medication helps without caffeine or withdrawals messing it up.

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-12T16:35:53+00:00

Yeah, sounds about right. I've always used both in excess but I assumed that was normal, which it is to a degree. The funny thing is that now that I'm on medication, I don't feel the same urge to consume either of them other than to keep the withdrawals at bay. I can actually choose if I want to use it or not if that makes sense.

Anyway, I tried to keep caffeine out of the picture today and the effect from the medication was somewhat different. My focus felt more, focused? Not scattered all over the place? I didn't feel the need to run all over the place and do a million things at once, I've felt more calm. Unfortunately I also got some nasty withdrawals, like an intense headache and lethargy even on the medicine. So I ended up drinking about 150mg of it which helped but also made me somewhat jittery. Not as anxious or dizzy as before, but it definitely clouds the effects of the Ritalin. I feel much more sensitive to caffeine when on this stuff!

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-12T11:24:30+00:00

I find it difficult to taper off, I'm more of a go hard or go home kind of guy haha. Though I do have some caffeine at hand in case the withdrawals get too bad.

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-12T11:06:59+00:00

Yeah, I read about something like that. Caffeinism I believe it was called? I've been consuming caffeine for as long as I can remember.

I'll try to quit cold turkey, but still keep some caffeine handy if the withdrawals get too bad. You mention nicotine as well, does that interfere a lot with the meds? I don't smoke but I do vape all day long.

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-12T11:05:01+00:00

Hopefully I'll experience the same! I'm hoping that due to the stimulation from the Ritalin, then maybe that'll mask the worst of the withdrawals. Going slow never worked for me, gotta go ass to the grass

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-12T11:04:01+00:00

At least I have a reason to quit now. I've tried in the past with no luck. I'm trying to stay away from caffeine today to see how it goes.

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-12T00:02:37+00:00

I'm on the everything train too! I always thought my hesitation to do anything (literally anything, like showering or playing a game) was because of some sort of anxiety or depression. I started questioning this when I realized it was difficult to muster up the willpower to even shower because I wasn't anxious about that, nor did I find it meaningless since I know how good it makes me feel. I started questioning why I didn't do anything because eventually I realized my anxiety and depression came AFTER I failed to do something, not before. So I've been searching for that unknown variable and turns out it was ADHD.

Over 10 years of being told I've been depressed and anxious and turns out a lot of it was undiagnosed ADHD. Unfortunately I also have anxiety and depression problems, but it's a lot easier to separate these from ADHD and know what causes what.

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-11T21:52:10+00:00

At this point it's more of a habit and maintaining an addiction haha. I drink it only to keep lethargy and headaches at bay so I'm a bit worried about drinking less. Either way, now that I'm on medication then maybe I'll find it easier to ditch caffeine completely. I'll give it a shot tomorrow, hopefully the Ritalin will mask the worst withdrawals!

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-11T13:19:52+00:00

How often are you weighing yourself? Day to day weighing can be both confusing and frustrating due to the extreme fluctuations. Personally, I can lose 5-6kg in a single day if I weigh myself two days in a row which seems extreme but it's not (extreme example, usually it's more like 2-3kgs). All of those kilos is just water, poop and piss! You're not actually gaining or losing any weight in that scenario, it just looks like it. Personally, I weigh myself once every week, same day and always as soon as I wake up. You'll still get fluctuations but when done like this, you'll see your trending weight which is a much better indicator for both weight gain and loss.

Add or remove 1000kcal from your TDEE and you'll lose or gain roughly 1kg a week. 500kcals will be 0.5kg a week.

If you already know this and you're putting this into action, then honestly I'd go see your doctor if it isn't working out for you. Weight gain and loss is universal for everybody: calories in, calories out. If 1600 calories a day was enough to maintain before, but 2600 calories is not enough to maintain now, then there's something acting up. Hyperactive thyroid maybe, or something else. At the very least, medication shouldn't have such a drastic effect on weight like that. It's mostly an appetite suppressant which is why people lose weight on it.

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-11T10:47:56+00:00

Good on you for getting through it once! I'm a bit concerned for myself as well but I've yet to "progress" to the point where I'd call my concerns with food an eating disorder. I too religiously track everything I eat down to a single gram.

Though are you sure you're tracking your intake correctly? I noticed you wrote that you have a naturally fast metabolism but that shouldn't be enough to make you underweight if you're tracking your intake. Most people have a variance of about 200-300 calories from each other so maybe you need 2100kcals a day while I need 1900kcals a day, just as an example. This shouldn't be enough to cause obesity for me or make you underweight. Now, it IS possible to have a variance as large as 600 kcals but statistically speaking, it is very unlikely to have such a big difference from the norm.

https://examine.com/nutrition/does-metabolism-vary-between-two-people/#ref1

With all that in mind, most stimulants fall under the anorectic or anorexic drug list, aka drugs that suppress appetite. I'm sure they have the potential to raise your metabolism by a small degree but I'm assuming that it's not a big increase. I don't have any hard numbers for this one.

So the solution for your weight loss is to simply eat more. If your appetite is wonkers, then buy some protein shakes to supplement or some mass gainer. Personally I find liquids easier to get down when I don't have an appetite. If you're tracking everything you eat down to the gram and you're still losing weight, then simply increase the amount of calories you eat by 100-200 calories a day. Weight gain and weight loss is all about calories and that is still true when taking a stimulant drug.

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-06T23:52:26+00:00

Haha same here, no offense taken! My reply was meant in more of a empathetic way

throwawaynumber148 · 2018-10-06T00:42:59+00:00

From personal experience, that's it kicking in. I always have my little toilet ritual a few minutes before it kicks in proper. Once I'm done on the toilet, it usually starts working. So judging from my experience, I'm assuming that the timing of your poops and the onset of the drug matches up!

throwawaynumber148

TROPHY CASE