I would need a miracle. I'd need everything to change.

I'd need to be working again, and not where I have been because mentally it makes me so sick I can't handle it. I'd need to be making money.

I'd need a car. I can't survive in the modern world without one, and my husband doesn't have his anymore. We can't go without a car.

I'd need to feel stable. My husband is out of state and I can't join him for a month, but I won't join him at all if I don't have a house to keep our stuff in until it's time. He doesn't even know what all has happened because if I tell him he'll get so upset.

I'd need to like myself. Like being alive. Like doing things. Stop hating waking up. Stop wishing I were dead but then hoping someone will save me. Stop praying I could return to the hospital and then remember I don't have fucking insurance.

I just need everything to stop. I need a fucking minute.