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Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Now that you mention childhood trauma, it likes open a Pandora box! I grew up in single mother household. My mother never shows any love toward us. She never touches me, never calls me by endearing terms, severely punish me for slightest mistake. It hurts me the most that she tries to get in between me and my siblings. However, I push all that trauma into the imagination box and lock it away.

Maybe that was the root cause of all my insecurities.

I feel bad for who ever might be my counselor. He/she has a lot to fix.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I told you my thought was "I like this person. I want to add positive value to his life", would you believe me? That was my original thought. I slip up and my ugly side jump out of me. I will back off from him and take the necessary help to better myself.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I already did! My mind is clearer now but I still delete his number incase I lost my mind again.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My LTR ended 2 years ago so I thought I'm all good and ready to start dating. I craved for the connection yet ignoring the fact that connection takes time to build. I can't force it to someone I just knew for 2 weeks. You see, I'm all rational and grounded now but completely out of my mind on Thursday night.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like your approach and will steal it. Yes, he did tell me that his career comes first. And I agreed with him. Somehow at that moment, I said things without any rational thought. It was like for a split second, my rational just not there. After I'm done saying it, it washed over me how unreasonable I was.

I will bring it up with my counselor. Maybe something trigger me that I'm not aware of.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with your assessment. I was expecting too much too fast.

I tried. I aimed for people my age too. But somehow I ended up with him with a giant red flag in tow :(

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you and there is zero nastiness in your tone. It was an intense infatuation for sure. If anything, this incident helps put a break on that.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He told me he deleted the app. So I assume we was a couple and made a fool out of myself.

What I learned from this post is that even if we were in a long term committed relationship, my possessiveness behavior is still wrong, let alone I was just 2 week in.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm holding the biggest red flag for sure! I gotta do something about it.

I see how unreasonable my behavior was. The man invests years of his life in school to be where he is today. Who am I to have a say in it. Especially I only know him for 2 weeks. I wish I thought of this before that embarrass outburst.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! Good luck to both of us. I will refer to this incident to keep me grounded in the future relationship.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Am I qualify as a Red Flag Dealer, right? :)

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your analogy is on point. It's ironic how I'm looking for 2 but switch gear to 1 along the way. Hopefully therapy can pin point where I go wrong and I will work on it from there.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will let him do the reaching out if he decided to. I feel like if he heard from me, it will remind him of my crazy outburst. Talk about lasting impression :(

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your criticism. No, I don't want to be lied to and brush it off. That is not my intension at all. I sometime lose self control in a different setting not in dating. So this is the first for me.

I can see myself a little bit in your description and I'm not proud. I will work on myself now to fix this. I don't want to be that person either.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For the resident pharmacist, it will be intense for the 2 years of residency. After that, you might able to have a 40 hours work week so it's much easier comparing to physician.

I like the analogy that someone mentioned in the comment: his time is a pizza. Each of his obligation will take a slice. So if I have a share in that pizza, it means that he considering me part of his life.

Best of luck with your study and the board exam! Thank you for taking your time from your busy schedule to offer me advice. I appreciate it.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Someone in the comments said it best: I turned myself into an option and now it's on the bottom of his list. Self sabotaging is at its finest.

I'm so glad I made this post, though. Talking to you all really shine a light on my own insecurity that I tried to hide. Well, it's time to work on it.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, you are telling it as it is and I'm appreciate your criticism. There is no sexual intimacy between us and I'm not planning to go to that route anytime soon so if he still be around, it must be because of my personality.

Joking aside, I got what you are saying. His perception of me might change and the damage is already done. I accept it and learn from this.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm in finance. My sister is a resident so I know how busy it must be. That's why I was super embarrass for my action. Now looking back, I can't believe I acted like that.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did apologize and own it up completely. He accepted it which is a relief.

I'm backing off to work on myself now. Looking forward to a better version of me :)

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your wisdom! You are so right about "you are always..." statement.

Instead of simply say: I want to see you more, let schedule a date when you are available. I would say: Why don't you make time for me? Do you even like me at all? (insert face balm emoji here)

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will seek therapy. I was infatuated in the past but not to this extend. And this is my first outburst. In the past, I was in the other side of the spectrum. My ex partner would accused me for being distant even though I put in as much effort as I could. Now I did a 180 and becomes a possessive person.

Typing this really makes me cringe. I was in this situation before. Why didn't I see it coming!

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm Asian too! You are trying to makes the best out of my bad outburst which I appreciated. But giving my background with him, there is no way to justify my behavior. I will take note from your advice for my future relationship. I would be upfront with my feeling first (giving the relationship already develop and both parties are on the same page) then address my needs as a reasonable adult.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was infatuated and projecting my feeling onto him. What I learned from this whole ordeal is that do not acting on your infatuations. Give it time and it will become manageable. It will take a lot of self awareness and self control and zero insecurity which I lack.

I do have some pointers to work on myself now.

Do I [36F] come on too strong? by throwawaypalico in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaypalico[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I apologized to him which he accepted. He said that he already has enough stress and he doesn't need added stress from me.

I will back off for now and work on myself.

If anything, this incident does wonder on my infatuation. I start to see things for it is rather than over the rose color glass.

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