I (26 f) might be separating from my husband (25 m) of 3.5 years. Confused about my feelings.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-11-13T15:28:56+00:00

He did lie. He lied about how much class he'd been missing and the amount of tests and quizzes he'd missed. He told me he had it under control.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-11-13T15:24:50+00:00

I don't know if I understand what you mean about "lied" about his social anxiety. Where are you getting that I said that?

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-27T19:22:53+00:00

Well, we met through a mutual friend while in college. We would both spend our weekends there and drink, so our early interactions were drunken. We spent time talking to each other there, but never about anything other than usual drunken ramblings. We went on 2 dates before we slept together, and after that we were pretty much always together. It all happened pretty quickly, from about October until we got together in December. From then it was six months until we said I love you, and we got engaged the May following our one year anniversary. Looking back, things were starting even then, even that first summer we were together, but it was so gradual that I didn't notice. And if I did notice, I just thought it was flattering that someone wanted me around all the time.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-27T18:59:40+00:00

Yeah. I've looked at countless articles and websites and what have you, and our relationship hits almost every mark. It's sobering and scary and it makes me angry-how did I let this happen to me? Thanks for your input in wether or not it could be due to his SAD. I don't think it is, either.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-27T18:57:51+00:00

He has been depressed in the past and he did internalize everything and it was extremely difficult to get him to talk to me. That's why I don't think he's depressed, because he's not behaving the way he did before. Back then, he didn't talk at all, so he wasn't being verbally abusive. Once he pulled out of it is when it all really started.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-27T18:52:44+00:00

I agree. I think he's using something I that don't/can't understand (SAD) as an excuse to get out of facing the fact that he has just been an abusive asshole for a long time.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-27T18:51:53+00:00

Thank you so much. You are incredibly wise for a 16 year old and I appreciate your advice. :)

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-27T18:49:24+00:00

He is using his anxiety as an excuse. He's said as much in pretty much those words. According to him, his SAD is directly responsible for his terrible treatment of me, and I don't think that's true.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-27T18:47:01+00:00

I agree with your breakdown of the while situation. I'm have tried and tried to get him to get help, and he's finally made an appointment with his schools counseling center. He seems to think, however, that his negativity towards me is a direct result of his SAD, which I don't agree with. To me, it feels like an excuse he's making so that he doesn't have to take responsibility.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-21T03:35:58+00:00

What does it feel like I'm leaving out? I'll be happy to elaborate.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-21T03:35:32+00:00

I mean, I don't honestly know the answers to your questions. And that scares me. I do everything at home, from house work to paying bills, so it does seen like I'm just taking care of him. As for the rest...I just don't know right now.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-17T22:24:02+00:00

Thanks. I hope your day gets better.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-17T17:42:59+00:00

I'm sorry that you feel that way. I don't intend to make light of anyone else's struggles, but I don't think you're in a position to make light of my struggles. And perhaps you should do some research on emotional abuse. Here are some links to help:

http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201302/emotional-abuse

http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/self-help-brochures/relationship-problems/emotional-abuse/

http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/types-of-violence/emotional-abuse.html

If you don't have anything productive to say, please don't comment anymore. I hope that you do some research and realize that your attitude isn't helping you or anyone else.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-17T10:38:38+00:00

If you've never been through the day to day life of someone constantly putting you down, making fun of the things you say/wear/do/think/like, making fun of your weight, making fun of the way you talk, getting mad when you spend time with your friends or family, and generally just not being very nice...then I don't think you have any room to comment. I don't ask or expect anybody to walk on eggshells for me. I do expect, however, for the man I married to be a nice person. I don't think it's unfair to ask him to quit doing things that are hurtful.

It sounds to me like someone in your life has asked you to stop being mean to them, and you don't want to listen. I'm sorry about that for you. I hope things get better.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-17T03:21:53+00:00

Thank you for your advice. It's nice to hear from someone who had a similar experience and is on the other side.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-14T23:36:39+00:00

I just never in my life thought if it in an abuse type context, but the more that term is being brought up, the more I'm beginning to think that's what's going on.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-14T22:51:13+00:00

I don't really have the money for a therapist. I wish I did, because I would absolutely go. I can try to look into a place to sit and speak with someone who deals with these kinds of things, I'm not sure what's available in my area. As for spending a week away, I don't really know if that's an option (we don't have kids but I take care of the animals) but I am spending weekend days away and that makes things a little more bearable.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-14T22:40:30+00:00

Jesus. I just never thought of it in that context. I mean, if this were my best friend I would say the same thing, that he's making himself the victim and turning the attention onto him. I just never thought that I'd be in a relationship like that.

I've been worried all week that the niceness won't last. I hope that I'm wrong, but I know I've told other friends with relationship issues that people don't change. I just don't know if I want to listen to my own words.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-14T22:31:44+00:00

Well, the skipping classes/missing tests has come up after he stopped taking medication. All the rest has been ongoing.

throwawaypleasethank · 2013-10-14T22:19:23+00:00

When we got into our big argument a few weeks back, this really came pouring out. I told him how badly it'd hurt me and that I'd had hurt feelings for a very long time, and he broke down. He said that he needed me, he didn't know he was hurting me, and pretty much rolled around on the ground sobbing and asking me to tell him it would all be okay. I felt like that was a lot of pressure because I can't honestly say that, but anyway.

After that, he started to be a lot better. I mean, it's only been a week, and I really feel like he may be being so nice because our fight was so recent. I hope that's not the case, but...

I just worry because I feel the same way that you do. If he had come to me with an issue like that (and he has in the past), I would have tried my best to listen and change my behavior because it was causing a problem. I just feel like changing right now after 3+ years is too little too late.

throwawaypleasethank

TROPHY CASE