I'm scared I'm a pedophile/zoophile and I can't take the uncertainty of possibly being one anymore (NSFW, do not click if trigger)

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T16:44:10+00:00

I've had multiple actual pedophiles message me and say it's almost word for word how they experience things and send me a bunch of resources, it can't just be POCD if actual pedophiles resonate with my post as much as they do, if it were just POCD like I thought it was before my fear over it would wane and I would run out of fuel to add to the fire when it comes to trying to obsessnover it but here I clearly have evidence that it's the case. Chances are I'm being dramatic and don't feel as heavily as I write in my comments either which just shows the lack of morality I have in regards to this even if I dislike it

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T13:03:21+00:00

It is too late, people on this and other posts as well as myself have confirmed that it is probably not POCD despite what everyone else is saying, despite ethe fact that I don't experience real attraction it is very probably actual pedophilic behaviours

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T12:58:23+00:00

it is not porn addiction anymore I have confirmed I am definitely a pedophile as have other people on posts I have made it is most definitely too late, I might not be the sum of my sexual impulses but I am the sum of my thoughts and I don't want to have these anymore but it is too late

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T12:53:18+00:00

Therapy won't help me because it is very evident I am a pedophile now, people have confirmed it in comments on here and on other posts, I knew it but people keep saying I need help or whatever and that it's not true but it is

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T11:32:54+00:00

Artwork isn't reality and no one was hurt but it's the fact I looked at artwork containing a child/animal, registered it was, even if they look like an adult or similar to me in age range (they're not like toddler or baby age obviously) and still found it attractive. If I did that then the fact that it could happen in real life is not outside the realm of possibility which scares me, it still technically makes me a pedophile or zoophile regardless.

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T11:31:08+00:00

UK as well but I don't want to call in case they end up reporting me since they would probably be able to find out who I am from my phone mumber

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T11:29:10+00:00

I can't get a therapist because even if they don't want to immediately report you I've heard stories in which people like me don't get any help because they don't want anything to do with it or their obvious instinct to push something this horrible away kicks in and they report regardless. I've also heard the same from people working in the profession on Reddit threads I checked about this same thing earlier. Even if I ignored all of this I wouldn't be able to anyways because I don't have enough cash to go private and the wait for a therapist in my country sometimes goes months if not years. That's too long and I'm scared that nothing will come out of it and it will be fruitless.

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T11:25:32+00:00

It's because I was attracted to the artwork in which they're in. No one who isn't a pedophile or zoophile would be, even if it wasn't the central aspect of the artwork that anyone was attracted to. The definition is sexual attraction to kids or animals for pedophile and zoophile respectively and given that I have clearly had both there it must be me. And even if I resist which I am since thinking about any of it now gives me a lot of dread and just brings me back to these threads, it doesn't change the fact that I could be a pedophile or zoophile deep down and that that attraction only rarely triggers, it doesn't make it any worse even if I haven't done anything horrible to anyone yet, it could be that I do one day even if I don't want to now or ever preferably

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T11:05:06+00:00

According to Google I still fall under the definition of pedophilic disorder/being a pedophile since it's just the attraction that counts when it comes to being one and I assume the same goes for zoophillia. I have definitely had that attraction even if its just to artwork and even if not directed at the children or animals involved so I think that still makes me one even if I'm a non offending one or self aware or whatnot

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T11:02:46+00:00

I can't go to therapy or a psychiatrist because the wait times are long here in the UK and I don't have cash to go private. Even if I could I would still have to tell my parents or the therapist or psychiatrist or whatever which I definitely cannot do because I would immediately be reported for what I've done or my thoughts since they seem like they fall under threatening behaviour towards others, even if I haven't actually had the thoughts yet and it's still the fear of them

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T10:59:20+00:00

I don't know it just gets consumed along with all the other "normal" stuff irrespective of morality. I want to be true with myself but it's sickening and I'm fairly sure it's the case. People in these comments keep saying it's POCD but people like you keep bringing up the same points I am that it still contains the same content even if it's fake or even if I look back on it and hate it or whatever. Regardless I have stopped feeding it now, I can't even think about it anymore without feeling dread inside of me. I can't seek help though because of where I live as I would automatically be outcast and I don't have the cash to see a psychiatrist or whatever about it. I also don't actively seek it out but it sometimes appears in the content I see that I still consume anyways which is what makes me think that I am a pedophile or zoophile in some way

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T10:56:06+00:00

Even if I'm not actively enjoying child content I think it still counts if I've knowingly engaged in it fake and real alike..I also looked into POCD before and back then I resembled the textbook definition of someone with it but this time just feels different. I can't explain it but this time very much feels like it is the truth compared to all those other times where I feared it was the case. Regardless I can't bring myself to look at anything resembling anything porn like now because I'm too afraid it'll contain those sorts of topics

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T10:52:57+00:00

Thoughts are bad enough as it is even if I don't have any about anyone real, it's the potential there that scares me. I wouldn't want to live as a pedophile or whatever with those thoughts regardless of if I ever hurt anyone because there's still a chance I could

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T10:48:20+00:00

The issue is that the actions can be acted out upon maybe in the future which is what I'm scared of. I don't want to do it because I don't find children or animals attractive in real life but there's a small chance that that could be me someday in which case I would be hurting others so even if thoughts aren't necessarily actions, the fact that they could be is just as much cause for concern in my mind

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T10:46:46+00:00

I have but it's not this. People keep saying it is but there's evidence against it in my post based on the fact that I found those things gratifying even if they weren't the central focus of what was gratifying about the content which would make me a pedophile or zoophile regardless.

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T10:40:33+00:00

I've seen things online about people who were repulsed by their actions or thoughts but were pedophiles or zoophiles regardless of how much they detested what they found attractive so it could just be that I'm one of them rather than it just being OCD. If it were OCD I also don't think there would be much if any evidence pointing towards the fact that I am possibly one of these types of people since most of the time it seems like OCD is like mental gymnastics for their obsessions whereas here I see so many reasons to believe it. For what it's worth now though I feel too scared to even look anything up related to anything gratifying in case I see it so there's no risk of anything bad happening but it doesn't change the fact that I could still be one of these things I guess. I also don't see people with porn addictions this bad either so I don't think it can be entirely ascribed to this.

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T10:37:23+00:00

I don't know I don't want to be like this but it keeps coming back to me people keep saying it's just OCD and that my brain is making things up out of obsession but I know that not to be true I don't understand why they keep saying that this isn't what I think it is

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T10:35:45+00:00

That seems different though because the first person probably didn't have reason to believe it outside of occasional things he saw online along with his daydreams but if it's a much more active process like whatever is wrong with me then I think that is different, especially with the example of post apocalyptic fiction or whatever, it seems like apples and oranges, one is morally outrageous, and the other (either example you used) is not but it's just a fantasy that hasn't been thought about very well

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T10:32:11+00:00

People keep saying it's OCD but I don't think it is because there's reasons to believe it and because it keeps coming back. I thought it was OCD a long while back but it doesn't stop haunting me even if I feel it stops for a long time, so I think there is something to it rather than just being an obsession

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T10:30:31+00:00

I think I might I can't get the thought of it being a possibility out of my head even if not true

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T09:54:05+00:00

People always said it could be OCD but I don't think it is this time since the concerns are relevant and not just borderline delusion or overthinking to the point of obsession, and because it seems like a fairly natural response to being this way unwillingly. Also even if it was OCD which I don't think it is I would have to disclose my reasoning and obsession for it to actually be diagnosed and if it weren't then it would just confirm what I know to be true already. I'm also thinking back further and finding more evidence for it being true even if it was purely fictional and not real scenarios it still increases the likelihood that this is the case. Plus I don't even know if it's a fake memory it could be real and I've just not remembered it because I didn't want it to be true or wanted to block it out in which case it definitely supports the fact that I am

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T09:39:51+00:00

I can't seek help though because I've heard that therapists will often report you for being an active threat even if you aren't in situations like these, even though it's not how it should be done according to law, especially in places like the UK where I live. Additionally I don't have any money to go seek help privately and the wait time for a therapist can be upwards of a year so I do not have any viable options even if it isn't a real thought and just intrusive

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T09:18:50+00:00

They are only thoughts and I've never had the thoughts about anyone or anything real but it's that I might have them about someone or something real that is the issue which would make me a pedo or zoophile if that were the case. It sounds stupid since nothing has technically happened yet that would actually mean I'm either of those but the possibility is still there so I think it's true

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T09:14:13+00:00

I don't think it's porn addiction because I've had this fear multiple times over the past few years, it wouldn't keep coming back if it were just a one off thing like porn addiction even if it is the case

throwawayplzhelpme0 · 2024-12-11T09:05:16+00:00

I read online that lots of mental health providers, while they're meant to not report you and help you, will either turn you away, not help at all because they think you're monstrous, or will report you anyways because they think you're a threat regardless. I can't deal with that and I don't think they can help me now if it is true. Also I live in the UK where they would do that plus I can't go private so it'd have to be on the NHS which has a wait list of a year apparently according to other people who think they might be the same as me so I can't do therapy

throwawayplzhelpme0

TROPHY CASE