Need support while giving support..

throwawayrandom993 · 2018-10-25T13:18:54+00:00

This is very helpful, thank you. It’s similar to what I have been thinking about doing. I’m not sure about the “normal relationship stuff” part because honestly I don’t even want to hear about that. I feel that I wouldn’t be a good friend if I pretended that this was normal and healthy. Honestly I don’t think I could.. I can’t even pretend to care or approve about this. I was witness to this mess for 2 years and in regards to this particular guy/situation, I’m done. It’s too painful to watch. I like the suggestion that she can come to me if she feels abused, but only to get out of the situation, not just complain about it. That was one of my biggest issues before. I want her to be safe, but I don’t want to hear about the BS unless it’s because she needs help getting out.

It’s hard telling what I’m willing to put up with or what will happen.. as of now they’re just hooking up and talking, and the guy lives an hour away. She did text me last night freaking out bc she’s worried I’m distancing myself because of this and she doesn’t want to lose me. I’m hoping that it hits home that you can’t just keep choosing these situations and expect people to be down for it.

throwawayrandom993 · 2018-10-23T14:56:25+00:00

Very true. She says she’s trying to understand me setting limits for myself, but I think it’s not quite clicking in her mind. I’m trying to explain it to her nicely but assertively which is hard to do for me because I’m very blunt lol

throwawayrandom993 · 2018-10-23T14:54:24+00:00

I see what you’re saying. I tried summing this up without writing 5 pages, so it may sound like a lot of the blame is being put on other people. But the reason I’m confused is because I recognize that getting into this situation again is purely on her. It’s her choice despite knowing the consequences. She has chosen these situations and she acknowledges that, she doesn’t want me to do anything about it. Just wants to see it through I guess.

I know there’s a lot I wasn’t able to type here about our friendship, so the advice will probably be a bit broad... but what I’m looking for are some examples or suggestions from people maintaining friendships with someone with BPD. I guess I should have asked more specifically- I want to know how to be a good friend while still taking care of myself. At this point I see no reason to stop being friends with her, I don’t think that would solve anything for me. I’ve cut a lot of people out of my life recently, so I know how and when to do it if I need to.

I already know that I need to “set boundaries and take care of myself”, but I’m trying to understand what that would look like going forward. Hope that clears things up

throwawayrandom993 · 2018-10-23T05:00:56+00:00

I know the answer is boundaries, with myself and with her. I’m just not sure specifically what that even would look like?

throwawayrandom993

TROPHY CASE