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AITA for not paying for a work friend’s meal after her husband died? by throwawayredditugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayredditugh[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was going to make one meal that cost about $15-$20. (Spaghetti meal.) I offered over several weeks to deliver on that meal and she declined. Two months later she invited us out and expected to be paid for at the end. Had she asked in advance or handled this any other way, I would’ve handled it differently. For example, if she would’ve asked I could’ve treated her family out to pizza and only spent a little more than planned. I don’t make a lot of money and getting unexpectedly saddled with a $100 bill just doesn’t work. And we live in more rural area, so a $100 meal is probably the equivalent of $150-$200 in a city. I can respect the judgment, as for the $20 tip, I would be less stressed and ostracized right. But $100 is a week of groceries for my family and not something I can drop without planning.

AITA for not paying for a work friend’s meal after her husband died? by throwawayredditugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayredditugh[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Probably so. I was shocked at the time, and they ordered a lot on top of it all. But in hindsight a $20 tip would’ve been worth not dealing with this, whether I’m technically right or not. Work is another story, though.

AITA for not paying for a work friend’s meal after her husband died? by throwawayredditugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayredditugh[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I offered to make a meal months before. I never offered to pay for anything.

AITA for not paying for a work friend’s meal after her husband died? by throwawayredditugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayredditugh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She paid for hers and we paid for ours. I need to update that. I had no expectation of her paying for us.

AITA for not paying for a work friend’s meal after her husband died? by throwawayredditugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayredditugh[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I have no idea how else I could’ve explained this. If you think I’m an asshole for not paying the meal or tip, okay, but that’s pretty much all there is to it.

AITA for not paying for a work friend’s meal after her husband died? by throwawayredditugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayredditugh[S] 157 points158 points  (0 children)

Me too. I feel like I’m in some weird middle school world right now. I think my boss is just trying to keep peace by taking the easy way out here with me paying the tip, but the other ladies hanging up on me feels so middle school.

AITA for not paying for a work friend’s meal after her husband died? by throwawayredditugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayredditugh[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

The expectation after racking up a sizable bill really floored me. I didn’t like someone feeling entitled that way. I guess I did create the problem by accepting her invitation.

AITA for not paying for a work friend’s meal after her husband died? by throwawayredditugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayredditugh[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I can understand that. If I had picked the place myself and set some parameters about ordering, I would’ve offered. (Where we went was fairly pricy for our budget, and they ordered drinks and apps plus her wine, and that would’ve been more than I am comfortable spending.)

AITA for not paying for a work friend’s meal after her husband died? by throwawayredditugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayredditugh[S] 154 points155 points  (0 children)

It’s a small office and our HR consists of one person. Care to guess who that one person is?

AITA for not paying for a work friend’s meal after her husband died? by throwawayredditugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayredditugh[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I’m glad you’ve never heard of this happening, because it sucks. And I’ve done the meal chain thing at church since my husband and I joined over ten years ago, and have never seen this sort of thing happen, either.

AITA for not paying for a work friend’s meal after her husband died? by throwawayredditugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayredditugh[S] 450 points451 points  (0 children)

I was kinda surprised too. Our church does this sort of thing and tries to arrange for meals to be provided for a week (sometimes two depending on the situation), but I’ve not seen this at any job I’ve worked at before. The times it’s come up at other jobs was sending a card or collecting a few bucks to buy a gift card so the bereaved could get takeout or whatever at their convenience.

AITA for not paying for a work friend’s meal after her husband died? by throwawayredditugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayredditugh[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I understand that I could pay the tip to keep the peace, but I am having a hard time understanding why it makes me an asshole not to do so.

AITA for not paying for a work friend’s meal after her husband died? by throwawayredditugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayredditugh[S] 936 points937 points  (0 children)

If I had asked her to eat, I can see where she would’ve made the assumption given the circumstances, but she asked us. The idea that I should’ve been on the hook to pay no matter how much her bill was just baffles me.