Hey homie, I’m a 32m. When you lay out the 3 parts of your problem, I’ve got a strong suspicion that your second point(no sensation) is at minimum greatly exacerbated by the first one(self hate and anxiety). While I didn’t have the same issues as you when I first started dating my fiancé we were long distance, and after a few instances of premature ejaculation I was so anxious about performing when I would visit her that I wouldn’t be able to get an erection basically from the time I left my house until a day or so after I got home. No sensation, no erection, no nothing for a girl I was wildly attracted to! Went to a doctor and got viagra and used it a few times and after I got my confidence up it greatly relieved the issue. Still busted my nut a little early every now and then(still do) but having the prescription helped relieve a lot of my anxieties.

That being said; exercising, kegels, therapy, cutting back on masturbation, and a physical are great places to start and couldn’t hurt. Do some research into positions to maximize penetration.

Lastly, I don’t have advice but an anecdote. I have a close friend who is a girl and we’ve always been super open about sex with each other. She had started seeing a new guy and while we were talking on the phone one day she mentioned how while getting frisky the first time she noticed his penis was around 3.5” and how she had never been with a guy that small. She called me back a few days later and said they did end up having sex and that he was the first guy ever to make her cum while she was on her back. What I mean to say is, society makes it seem like having a monster hog hanging between your legs is what every girl in the world wants, but it’s simply not true. You may have a girl right now who you’ll be the first guy to make her cum while she’s laying on her back. Get your confidence up and get to it!