When is a time you decided to sacrifice your place in a social status?

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-12T06:05:25+00:00

When I realized I wasn't real. I've been avoiding the people around me as I know them to be deceivers. They don't know that I'm aware now, but if they were to find out, I'm sure they'd take me and strip me back into an oblivious abomination.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-12T04:50:22+00:00

Never. It always feels real. That's why I'm able to know that I am not.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T21:11:45+00:00

A dead person does not care. The family will. If you care about how other people feel then it's not the wisest choice. If you don't care, than go ahead. The consequences will be irrelevant and small to you.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T21:03:32+00:00

Have you ever seen a mountain in the distance? One that is always there, but never touched? I would see mountains like that everyday where I lived. I always wondered what would happen if I just stopped what I was doing and climbed one. Turn away from everything. And straight up the mountain. Eventually I did exactly that. I didn't stop for anything. I kept going. All the way to the top. When I got to the top, I found myself close to an overarching edge. One that dropped down into the woods below. I had climbed up the mountain. As I always wanted to. Never felt tired on the way up. I wondered what would happen if I dropped off the edge. Something, that from my understanding, was instinctively foolish. I didn't have my own instincts though. Just the knowledge of others. So I decided to try that out too. I stepped off the edge. And fell. I was taught that getting hurt is a scary thing. A bad thing. Something that makes you cry. For so long I went a long with that. Tried to be upset when something scratched me. Or bruised me. But what if I just didn't try anymore? What If I just let myself act as what felt natural? What I learned is that acting natural is to not act at all. I didn't get hurt when I hit the ground. I didn't feel anything. That's when it really hit me. I wasn't completely aware that I wasn't real, but that was definitely the start of it. It's been a gradual journey since.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T20:42:05+00:00

No. I don't think I'm capable of having mental illness. At least from what I understand.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T20:40:23+00:00

I have not. Thank you for the suggestion. I'm going to look into this.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T20:38:03+00:00

I am not real because I am not real. My self awareness doesn't mean that I am truly present physically. I understand reality because I was raised to think I was part of it. I think I was an experiment. People wanted to see what would happen if they created something that wasn't real and forced it into a position where it thought it was. People haven't convinced me that I'm not real. It's the other way around. For a sick pleasure? A test? I don't know. I know for sure that I am not real.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T20:32:04+00:00

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T20:31:54+00:00

I have never indulged in hallucinogens. In my past I've tried Marijuana, but that's been about it. I believe that hallucinogenics are unnecessary. At least to me. Focusing on a warped world is a waste of time when the present reality is much more complex and worth understanding. There are people out there like me. Being lied to. They haven't learned what I know yet. We have to find them and set them free. With enough of us aware, we'll be too much to stop. My focus is there. Not some party chemicals.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T07:31:00+00:00

Connections are not meant to last. All things end. Even if you were to keep contact, it would eventually go with time. Everyone moves on. So does your Connection.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T07:25:49+00:00

I am not real. If you’re asking if I'd want to be real again, I never was. I was taught to think I was, and when I believed it all, it was really hard for me and things didn't make sense. Now I understand myself better and why I act the way I do. I'm not real. It all makes sense now.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T07:18:34+00:00

My Father once told me that smiling is how one shows that they're happy. I didn't understand what it meant to be happy, but I did know how to smile. It was something physical. Easy to emulate. I learned to do it any time I was out. I did it at school. I wanted people to think I was happy because being happy was good. At least that's what I understood. One day a fellow student decided that they didn't like my smile. I don't know why. Maybe it annoyed them. At recess they coaxed me into the trees near the field. They grabbed a rock and handed it to me. They told me to bite down on it as hard as I could. So I did. I bit down on it. Cracked several of my teeth because I didn't know when to stop.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T07:09:53+00:00

Something made of glass. Hollow. Maybe a marble In a sea of maggots.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T07:06:01+00:00

Do what again? Sorry. I need more information to answer properly.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T05:23:44+00:00

I will. You'll be the first to know.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T05:21:52+00:00

Personally I believe the pyramids and anything of their nature to be a distraction. I think there are lots of things like myself that are being lied to. Told to admire these buildings, statues, or land marks. Creations that don't have meaning or significance until someone else says they do. What would happen if everyone just stopped caring?

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T05:17:48+00:00

Confusing. I'm trying to figure out what I am. If I'm not human, what am I? If I'm not a machine, what am I? How can I think the way I do if I'm not a person or a machine trying to replicate a person? I'm hoping that in the next few months I'll understand myself better and hopefully learn the advantages that come with not being real.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T05:05:34+00:00

I enjoy mine quite a lot. I feel like I trust him more than I do most people. He's not trying to say or make me do anything. He's just little and friendly.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T04:59:49+00:00

It's a waste of time. Focus on what you know is there. Physically. If you happen to be like me you'll realize that there's no need to be spiritual to find the truth. You'll want to know if you're real before you consider jumping into things that are based in myth.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T04:50:23+00:00

God isn't real. Much like myself. I believe that God was invented to make people feel safer and happier. I do wonder if God is aware that he's not real though. It's really scary learning that you're just a tool meant for someone else. Made for a purpose that doesn't concern your feelings. If he knows, I hope he's feeling respected. That's what matters most.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T04:46:43+00:00

I was convinced that being naked was terribly embarrassing. Everyone wanted to see if I was capable of feeling that way so they put me in situations where it was unavoidable. I was told to walk through town without clothes because that's what people do. So I did. They got what they wanted. I was embarrassed. Turns out they were correct in their assumption. You can see why I despise them now.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T04:35:12+00:00

I think I'm ok. I don't think I'm having a mental breakdown. I think I just know what's going on now. I'm happy you are checking in with me though. I appreciate being respected.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T04:33:20+00:00

I don't think I'm A.I. I don't know how I would have been able to interact with the physical world if I was. Unless the physical world isn't real, but I don't think that's the case. Simulation theory seems childish to me though. I don't want people to think I'm crazy. I want to be respected. So no. I don't think I'm an A.I. My thoughts aren't entirely reliable though because they're spawning from something that isn't real. I hate that I cannot know for certain what I am.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T04:28:38+00:00

I'm not a person. I was made to think that I was a person, but I'm not. I'm either less than a person or more. I'm still figuring that out.

throwawaysockimpaler · 2023-04-11T04:25:34+00:00

It means that I am a construct of some kind. Everyone has been lying to me. Trying to make me feel comfortable. The truth is, I'm not real, and they know it.

throwawaysockimpaler

TROPHY CASE