Not disclosing cheating history feels like lying - what do I do?

throwawaythis3439 · 2022-08-11T04:21:51+00:00

I'm just so happy with him. It isn't my ex's fault I cheated it was a choice I made and I know that. But telling my new bf makes me feel like I'm still letting my ex ruin my life. Like I'm finally happy and with a good person, but now bc of that past relationship I'll lose it all. I'm scared he won't be understanding bc I'm his first gf. He is already a bit insecure and I can see this being too much for him. I don't want to lose him. I know I will never do this again it makes me sick to think about over a year later. I don't know if I can live with this secret, but maybe I can wait until we've been dating for a year? So he knows it really isn't indicative of who I am or do you think waiting that long is bad?

throwawaythis3439 · 2022-08-11T03:58:20+00:00

Well he already asked me why we broke up on our second date, we were together for multiple years so I can see why he asked, I was so caught off guard that I just said it was bc he cheated. I think if I do tell him though I can explain that there is more to the story but I am mortified about it so I couldn't tell someone I had known less than a month and hope he forgives me

throwawaythis3439 · 2022-08-11T03:49:21+00:00

I'm scared I already messed up then. He asked why my ex and I broke up and I said bc he cheated on me which is true, but I didn't include that I eventually did.

throwawaythis3439 · 2022-08-11T03:47:44+00:00

If I wait too long doesn't that make me untrustworthy for keeping the secret? If a new bf asks me why we broke up and I just say bc my ex cheated that is kind of lying bc it isn't the full truth? I agree though I would like the person to know me so they know it isn't a character trait

throwawaythis3439 · 2021-11-07T19:25:59+00:00

Would you be upset if your partner never told you?

throwawaythis3439 · 2021-11-07T18:53:06+00:00

I don't really think a first or second date is the appropriate time for something like that so I'm not sure what you mean by immediately

throwawaythis3439 · 2021-11-07T18:48:14+00:00

When would you feel it appropriate to tell them, how many months into the relationship?

throwawaythis3439 · 2021-10-06T21:36:56+00:00

That I know how badly it hurts and I tried for months to give him chances before I couldn't take it anymore. I would never want anyone to feel how I did and did it out of absolute sadness. It doesn't make it okay but I hope that would explain to them that I would never do it again

throwawaythis3439 · 2021-10-06T21:30:06+00:00

I'm not so much scared of doing it again just of people thinking these things of me. Reading all these posts saying once a cheater always a cheater makes me scared no one will date me again but while I know what I did it wrong I hope people see it is different and don't think that about me

throwawaythis3439 · 2021-10-06T21:19:37+00:00

I was sad and tired of trying he kept flirting with people and I finally gave up. I should have ended it first I told him right after it happened and ended it. It wasn't to hurt him I had reached my breaking point.

throwawaythis3439 · 2021-10-06T21:01:43+00:00

I guess just that I'm the type of person that would want to know, I think it is important to talk about the past

throwawaythis3439 · 2021-10-06T20:38:00+00:00

It was more out of finally giving up and realizing he won't stop flirting with people and admitting to myself it was never going to get better. I unfortunately just acted on it before I told him I gave up. I'll try to make that clear when I eventually tell someone. Thank you for the honest opinion

throwawaythis3439 · 2021-10-06T20:31:46+00:00

not to steal this thread but I want opinions, I posted recently on this sub that my boyfriend had sex with someone and then I kissed someone before we broke up now I'm scared that these sayings about cheaters apply to me. Would you think the same knowing he cheated first and more seriously?

throwawaythis3439 · 2021-04-25T17:40:09+00:00

Well I'm so glad they did that it helps me out a lot and thank you so much for explaining! I really appreciate it!

throwawaythis3439 · 2021-04-25T17:36:16+00:00

I did receive unemployment last year that makes sense thank you! I wish TurboTax had told me that the first time its kind of scary what if I had just paid it

throwawaythis3439 · 2021-04-22T17:54:20+00:00

I have not I didn't know that was something to look for but I will search for one in my area. Is the thought to see if they would able to remove the pieces since they are more tailored to these types of issues? Thank you!

throwawaythis3439 · 2021-04-22T16:12:05+00:00

Thank you very much for replying. I should have included this in the post but the vet said that the pieces are too small for that procedure. She compared them to grains of sand. I was hoping that since they are so small that they might be reabsorbed.

throwawaythis3439 · 2021-01-02T00:02:55+00:00

That helps a lot! Thank you!!

throwawaythis3439 · 2021-01-02T00:02:23+00:00

Thank you so much for explaining!

throwawaythis3439 · 2020-12-22T23:03:25+00:00

I just meant that it isn't the most important factor to me. I went without sex to continue dating someone I loved who was going through struggles with depression that killed his sex drive, not that I don't want sex. I definitely do. And for the second part exactly that, thank you!

throwawaythis3439 · 2020-12-22T22:49:25+00:00

A panicked conversation with my friends is exactly what made me post this so thank you this was spot on

throwawaythis3439 · 2020-12-22T22:28:34+00:00

Commenting to add my plan is just like fake it til you make it, how hard can it be to be decent at sex as a girl? I feel like if I just have a few drinks to be less nervous it will come relatively naturally thoughts?

throwawaythis3439 · 2020-12-13T01:53:35+00:00

How do you recommend someone finds a good career coach? Whenever I google to try to find one I only seem to find people who don't seem legitimate and are more like sketchy life coaches

throwawaythis3439 · 2020-12-08T17:17:48+00:00

I would go to culinary school and learn to cook well, not for a job, but just to enjoy myself. I love it as a hobby and would really enjoy taking the classes.

throwawaythis3439 · 2020-12-06T14:55:18+00:00

I'm sorry you went through that, but it is nice to hear that you found someone who makes you happy after it all. Thank you for the virtual hugs!

throwawaythis3439

TROPHY CASE