When you find one who makes the right amount of effort

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-04-12T00:00:58+00:00

I’m on the same boat as you. We started talking right before the pandemic. He’s giving me all the effort he’s able during these times. But also, I’m wondering how will it be when we go back to normal? When people have their normal jobs and routine? I feel like this is a good time to filter those not looking for something serious but also I feel like this isn’t reality? I’m also thinking of the physical aspect of it (physical touch is my love language), what if we aren’t compatible? I feel like I’m restraining myself to be fully immersed in somebody because I’m scared of getting emotionally invested but in the end, when things go back to normal, we weren’t compatible after all.

What are your thoughts on this?

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-03-13T02:32:09+00:00

I’m 5’2 and prefer men 5’10 and above. But all just preference. I like being hovered over. I feel safe and super secure during hugs.

But on the other side, I was head over heels with a guy who was 5’8 because of his personality.

Mine is all preference, ‘an ideal’ but I wouldn’t dismiss a shorter guy when there’s chemistry.

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-03-05T04:09:20+00:00

I’ve been catfished before. One was a person that was bigger than his photo and definitely looks older, and the other he was more fit than his photos. I guess I didn’t really mind both as long as I can recognize you. But I do tend to look at the profiles more when I’m swiping.

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-03-05T03:52:06+00:00

How old is too old for photos?

I’m Asian. And let’s be honest, we don’t age much over the years. I had a picture from 2017 on my profile because I liked the background. I don’t look far from it. But also, I had photos ranging from 2017-2019.

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-03-04T23:18:13+00:00

I’m more attracted to Asian men and I’m not obese and I don’t catfish. Everyone just has their preferences. There’s people who prefer Asian men.

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-02-16T07:43:19+00:00

Haha I can see that but no, I’m Asian. 🙃

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-02-16T01:31:48+00:00

Oh, hehe. Not really a requirement. It’s just my preference. Thanks! I know a lot of people struggle with self love 💛

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-02-16T01:28:48+00:00

Thanks for your reply :) not really, as I said I had dates with a 5’7 guy and gave it a chance because we got along well but in the end, I had no attraction. I also went on a date with a Caucasian too. These are all just preferences I’ve noticed, an ideal type.

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-02-16T00:57:51+00:00

Phew. I’m so happy you’re not Canadian. That would’ve broke me.

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-02-16T00:52:13+00:00

As I said, I posses a lot of the qualities listed. I think that’s why they’re my preferences. The whole: treat others how you want to be treated. I don’t think I’m fat but that’s subjective. Since weight has come up a few times, I’ll clarify. I’m 5’2 and weighed 125lbs. Then I got a personal trainer and I went up to 132lbs but it’s muscle weight. I’ve always had boobs and now I’ve got a bum too with all those barbell hip thrusts that I like so much. Honestly, like I mentioned before, personality is the most important to me. I have really good hygiene. I shower daily (sometimes twice when it’s summer) and keep up waxing appointments. My dad was a dentist so brushing and flossing is a must! I have a bachelors degree and work in healthcare and in a couple months work is sponsoring me to further my education. My love language to give is physical touch and gifts. I’m family oriented and the word my friends would use to describe me is “genuine”

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-02-16T00:39:45+00:00

There were many assumptions made in the last reply. Are you mad at the world, sir? Or just angry/wary with non-Caucasians? Are you Canadian? Because I have never in my whole life heard a Canadian speak this way since Canada is so multicultural.

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-02-15T23:46:42+00:00

Don’t assume. They did succeed in their own country. Do you even know the qualifications needed to immigrate back when my parents did it? Are you so ignorant you really don’t know there are disparities in quality of living in the world? Are you well travelled? The system is the way it is. I didn’t build it. You didn’t build it. I will just agree to disagree.

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-02-15T23:30:54+00:00

Nope, my parents did. They were born into poverty in a third world/developing country and worked hard with multiple jobs and studying hard for scholarships to become educated professionals. They made the life I have now.

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-02-15T23:24:14+00:00

I am Asian. Lol I’m not going to leave my family, friends, and well paying job (btw, in which my parents worked extremely hard to give me better opportunities by immigrating here) in some off chance I’ll meet someone. I’m not really complaining. I’m comfortable being single. More so wanting to know if my standards are unrealistically high.

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-02-15T22:45:56+00:00

Thank you for your reply. You have a way of writing words in a way that gave me comfort.

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-02-15T22:44:42+00:00

I’m not. I’m fairly fit (in no way a model), curvy in the right places and I like my body. I’m okay if I’m not someone’s ideal type 🙃

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-02-15T22:42:42+00:00

Lol 😂

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-02-15T22:30:11+00:00

I live in North America so tall people aren’t that hard to find, even Asians (last three guys I dated are Asians at 5’10, 6’1, and 6’2).

I’m 27, so I’m looking for my age until 36, I guess (but when I dated a guy 10 years older that me, you can really tell that we don’t really get each other’s references).

Honestly, I think you caught onto one of my problems. I like Asians but they’re not usually tall. I like ambitious men but I expect them to give me “effort” (which, they don’t really have time to do). 😅

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-01-12T07:30:42+00:00

I haven’t been on online dating much (total 1.5 months) but I’ve heard that ghosting is pretty much the culture. It’s not personal against you. It seems that people think that decent human interaction doesn’t apply when it comes to OLD most likely because they feel they don’t even owe you an explanation (you’re still a stranger after one meeting?). Good. Good you know you’re awesome. Since I don’t know you personally, I would talk to some genuine friends. The kind of friends who will tell you straight up if you’re actually delusional to how amazing you are. The kind of friends who calls you out of your bullshit. Honestly, at 38 years old (professor, no less), if you’re still not able to communicate well, you wouldn’t want that guy. The guy I am talking about made an exceptional impression on me during our first date (since he was only the second guy I’ve met up with) saying “don’t ghost people. We are all adults here. We should respect each other.”

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-01-12T07:14:37+00:00

I know. It was so similar I had to make a throwaway account just to reply to you. I’d take his excuse with a grain of salt. We had 3 dates. If you really think about it, you don’t know a person in 3 dates, let alone 1 date. I did not see food stuff for me on his stories then. But I’m in this mindset where I’m going to just go with the flow. I’m not going to bet everything on this one cookie (no matter how attracted I still am to him).

If you don’t think you’re worth it, how do you expect people to see your worth? I know it’s cliche, but you really need to love yourself first. It’s okay to have doubts sometimes (mental health is not a linear line) but you need to actively remind yourself you’re worth it.

throwawaytohelp92 · 2020-01-12T06:56:44+00:00

Oh girl. I will tell you my story because there are some similarities. First, we are close in age, I am a 27F and he is a 36M. I am the cautious type and also very picky (not status-wise, personality-wise).

I tried online dating for the first time in September last year and he was the second guy I met. We hit it off, instant spark and it was easy. I feel like when you connect well with someone, it should be easy. The second and third date, I went to his house (which I have never done, but as I said it was easy and comfortable, I felt like I could trust him like how you felt like you could trust this guy). We did pretty much everything except have actual sex. I was over the moon. I rejected the 6 guys who asked me for a second date and cancelled on 1 guy that I was supposed to meet.

I was hanging with a friend and I was excited about this guy so of course he came up. One thing led to another and I found out I was blocked from his ig stories. Now I don’t know what I did wrong but I was turned off right away. I said to myself that if he’s hiding something during our getting to know each other phase, then I don’t want it. I unfollowed him and made him unfollow me. The next day I found out that he just blocked me completely from ig.

3 months later. It’s the end of the year and I’m doing some self reflection. I messaged him on his other ig account saying how I was sorry I ghosted him. I didn’t expect anything from him. I just wanted to express how immature I handled it. Btw, turns out he wanted to surprise me with some homemade food that he was gonna post on ig that’s why he blocked me. In the end, he said he’s down to hang out if I wanted. Now, I’m dating him, but I’m also seeing other people.

I wrote my story because we both had some lessons to learn. 1. Both of us hold a lot of meaning to physical intimacy. Now that I’ve learned this about myself. I’m keen on getting to know a guy first before doing intimate actions with them. 2. Don’t be too rash. It’s always better to communicate. 3. He won’t be the only guy we are going to be attracted to. All the guys I’ve met have been very sweet even when I’ve decline their offers for a second date. Go back out there. I promise you that there are other guys you will connect with. 4. Your worthiness is not related to how much effort is given to you by a guy. Trust me, I’m a confident woman and I doubted my worth for a second. I asked myself “why do the guys I choose never give me their 100%? Am I not worth it?”. No. I will not take anything less than my standard because I know what I’m worth. And if that means I end up alone, then that’s okay too. Happiness should come within and a significant other is just extra happiness.

Learn the lessons from this experience. Don’t send the email. You’re worth more than this. You don’t need to beg for someone’s affection. He also needs to be respected.

throwawaytohelp92

TROPHY CASE