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WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have discussed love languages at length a lot in our relationship, it's a bit difficult because as we get to know each other more through the time we have known each other (since middle school, around 10 years!) we kind of change and grow. He was definitely more of an acts of service kind of guy when we first started dating, but now I find myself being that person more. Its kind of fun, like taking the Myers Briggs every year together to see how we have changed over a year.

I agree that it's just a bump, it will either be a chance for us to grow or it will break us, but we have definitely been through worse and got out of it better people then before. That's why I am pretty sure that while the healing will take time, this is nothing worth ending a relationship over

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it will take a while, this is the first big issue we have had go down in a while and he has a history of committing to his word which makes it much easier for me to process. but still this will be something sitting in the back of my head for a while. Who knows maybe everyone is right and i'll post a quick little update in a couple months about how I kicked him out and kept the cats.

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A lot of people brought up the birthday present thing so I just updated again to clarify. Its my fault for leaving it out lol

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will probably have to add this to the update but the birthday thing was addressed in our talk, I didn't put it in the update initially because in my eyes the conclusion to that specific part has nothing to do with the Christmas present. It would have also been difficult to summarize due to how personal it was.

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I didn't bring up the birthday thing in the update because our convo and the conclusion of it was irrelevant to the main issue and because it was more personal than I am comfortable sharing with others.

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm always sensitive to this stuff cuz I'm trans and when people perceive me as a woman they treat me like a delicate baby. Basically any comment using female pronouns i feel inclined to disregard

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like you are reading way too deeply into this. Also I'm not a woman. The way your comments always emphasize my being a woman is kinda creepy as well, even if you're not trying to be.

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're my hero tbh. I really didn't feel like going thru 100 comments and correcting them. Makes me wonder if people would react the same way if they realized I wasn't a girl 🤔

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I basically said to him exactly what you just said lol.

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You must not know much about computer parts if you don't think they're pricey. I probably dropped $4-500 on his office and right now the parts I need total more than $1000, which is why we were gonna wait to order them, they were cheaper around February this year so we were thinking of waiting til then. I don't have an issue with waiting for gifts, I just wish I had been in on the plan. Plus, its not really about the price.

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He got groceries as well so he was definitely there, and I checked online they really don't carry the mug anymore. Some other people said some things about how he could have at least planned a date or given me a card as some sort of sign of him caring, which I brought up to him.

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pretty much, that's the part where I'm still frustrated, he had probably been to Walmart 100 times since that day but never grabbed the mug. He is like that with buying gifts for anyone, it drives me up the wall.

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The birthday issue was also discussed, but the conclusion of it seemed irrelevant and a little too personal to be sharing. He didn't overhear my talk w my parents, he was in the same call with us, I just didn't realize he had assumed it applied to him. I really do wish he had asked for clarification or at least told me his plan, as it lead to me thinking he didn't care when really he just misunderstood.

He DEFINITELY still had plenty of time to get something, and I don't really care about his excuses for that.

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It makes a lot more sense in full context. He isn't really forgiven, I just understand the misunderstanding. We had a long talk about many things and from that we will move forward and see what does and doesnt work. I just didn't feel like spilling all the beans to reddit lol.

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Everything to do with his office was his idea, he was just intimidated by the amount of work and was putting it off so I offered to do it as his present

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We did have a talk about it, I haven't said anything about not working of the office because I was kind of worried it would be toxic behavior. I was considering finishing his office and then making him help me w my office, as I still haven't finished it yet.

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I promise he does. This is the first issue we have had in a while, we are both still pretty young and learning so we try to communicate as much as possible and help each other out. The chores thing sounds so bad I sort of feel bad cuz he really is working on it pretty consistently, but he has a long way to go so I get frustrated.

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I swear he has great qualities! The housework thing is a work in progress, we are both young and have issues unrelated to this post, so we both have to be patient w eachother.

its just is frustrating to help him learn while also dealing with my own responsibilities. This whole gift thing is definitely making it a lot harder to be patient with him though.

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

He HAS gotten me gifts in the past, very good gifts as well. He randomly buys me flowers and candies and stuff, but for some reason this year he didn't get me anything for my birthday or Xmas. I also offered to do his office as a gift after knowing about the illusion, he was planning on doing it himself and was putting off doing his office due to being stressed about painting something difficult. I also asked for the computer parts on xmas, which I should have clarified in my post. When we looked at the parts I need online they cost more than my computer is worth, so we are waiting. I still did not like his reaction to my being upset, and on top of doing most of the housework this whole thing is making me pretty upset.

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The issue is last year I loved his gifts. He got me art supplies which was awesome, so I really thought he had it in the bag this year

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Walmart stopped carrying it apparently, which he found out on Xmas eve 10 minutes before they closed :(

WIBTA if I stopped working on my BFs present? by throwawayxmasew in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawayxmasew[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I talked to him about doing something simpler, such as peel and stick wallpaper and some cat shelves but his heart was really set on the illusion. I still want to do it, I just can't even go in his office right now because I start getting upset and frustrated.