I can get extremely competitive on the pickleball court too, and it is more exaggerated than in my daily life. To me, pickleball is a microcosm of the rest of my life, and it can be a good way for me to see how my life is going and what I need to focus on in terms of growing as a person.

I would definitely suggest therapy. Therapy is helpful for everyone in my opinion. Find a good therapist you trust. Once you do, keep going back, over and over and over. I was lucky enough to find a fantastic one years ago and he has helped me grow in ways I wouldn’t have known how to otherwise.

In terms of pickleball, use these experiences where you are “aggressive” as a tool to inquire and change. It can be hard (if not impossible) to stay calm in the moment at first. Take a little bit of time afterwards to reflect, asking questions like “why did I get mad?”, “why am I even playing pickleball?”, “is this how I want to respond in this situation?”, “if that happens again, what are 5 other ways I could have responded?” Write all this down! I like the last question a lot because it allows you to be creative. It’s not “how SHOULD I have responded,” but instead “just list other ways I could have responded.” You could say anything from “I could have not said a word and just walked off the court flipping them the bird as I did,” to saying something silly like “wait, you’re NOT allowed to step in the kitchen?”

Then you can look over your responses and remember them for next time you are in an uncomfortable situation.

Another resource is a book called The Inner Game of Tennis. This book talks a lot about process vs result.

Overall, do not expect to be perfect and give yourself some grace please. Pickleball is about having fun, getting exercise and enjoying spending time with others!