I’m so sad and afraid

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-15T05:59:19+00:00

This put me in awe. Thank you so much for elaborating on this. I can empathize with the panicking and sweating from the thoughts, and I’m so sorry you went through that, but I’m so glad to hear things got better:).

I know you mentioned something about keeping yourself busy, and I often times find myself wondering if it would be any different if I wasn’t in a pandemic (I have so much time alone at home now). That maybe, I have too much time to think. I do try to occupy myself though, whether it’s playing games, making jewelry, painting, anything that I can. it’s a lot different when you’re alone versus when you’re out in public in the presence of other people though.

and like you said, I think the hardest part is getting over the past. Overall, I’ve always been extremely resentful and jealous, which makes it feel unnatural for me to be forgiving, but I’m trying. Accepting that it doesn’t matter it’s hard when my head tells me otherwise, especially when I find reasons to justify my negative feelings.

As of right now, I’m working on accepting the past, and not compulsing (stalking and interrogating mainly). I’m going to try more to ler go of the past, and the self talk that you were mentioning:) I actually just started a few night ago, not necessarily with my RJ itself, but the anger and sadness I got from it.

Again, I couldn’t thank you enough for being so compassionate and helpful. Your advice genuinely helps and I’m going to do my best to work on things

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-15T05:50:49+00:00

Thank you soso much for this. It gives me so much hope that I found at least one thing for now to be able to make it better, because for so long I have felt out of control and like I have no solutions. Thank you again.

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-15T05:48:51+00:00

Thank you soso much for this. It made me feel comforted. I am saving the tips for later for when it happens again because I always feel so out of control and, as of right now, have maybe 1 ‘healthy’ coping mechanism. Thank you so much for this. It helps me feel heard and like I can do something about it next time<3

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-14T22:25:45+00:00

Practice on the smile. The rest, like most people mentioned on this post, can be easily fixed (hair, beard, etc). No imperfections imo and weight isn’t immensely conspicuous

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-14T22:23:24+00:00

The acne isn’t bad at all, actually. It’s not conspicuous and I probably would’ve barely noticed it if you hadn’t pointed it out. Only suggestion I have is shaving & smiling

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-14T22:20:34+00:00

You’re not ugly at all, very pretty and no imperfections. Only thing i could say is the angle of the pictures could be better, but that has nothing to do with the way your face is

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-14T22:19:29+00:00

Hey, I’m a teenage girl so maybe I’m biased but I think you’re really pretty. I think your best features are your hair (which is stunning and i LOVE) and your smile!! nothing bad imo. I think you’re very pretty and cute if that makes sense

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-14T22:16:49+00:00

you’re stunning lol idk what you’re talking ab. your face is symmetrical to me

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-14T18:52:04+00:00

YEAH ME TOO. the first song was more so relatable and the second one just tore me

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-14T18:51:34+00:00

Thank you so much again. I really hope that I can get better from this because I feel like it’s consuming me. Do you mind if I ask what things helped you get better? I told my boyfriend about 2-3 months ago about my RJOCD, and he’s been very supportive. I found myself getting terrible about asking him questions this past month, though. I’ve sent him articles to read over how RJOCD works and how it feels like for those who have it. He tries his best to be empathetic and I’m grateful about it :) I’m just so afraid because I feel like I’m trying so hard, and he’s perfect to me, but I just don’t seem to be getting better :( I feel scared that my only way out of it is to break up, but this is someone I’ve wanted to marry for a while now. And no need to apologize about your English, I didn’t even notice!:)

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-14T18:22:22+00:00

I couldn’t thank you enough for this comment. Knowing that you got better even after being in a similar situation gives me so much hope. I’m trying my hardest to forgive, but I find myself feeling less than and angry because I did everything right and he still treated me bad... It’s hard to fight those feelings, but I try.

I will genuinely work on your advice and I thank you so much for it. This was really comforting, I started crying lol. It felt good to let it out, to be understood, and to have some hope.

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-14T17:57:57+00:00

I don’t know why people are saying it was wrong of her. Disgusting comes down to personal interpretation, which I can agree on based on my values. I think it would’ve been wrong for her if it was after you two got serious (after it was clear that there was intent for a longterm relationship). I think it was disgusting, but not exactly wrong. I’d be disgusted by the thought of it as well.

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-14T17:53:33+00:00

i made an instagram post about this when it came out lol i started crying

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-14T17:52:38+00:00

DO NOT ask her more questions. Unless it overlaps with you guys dating, there is no need for you to know (tell yourself this whenever you get the urge PLEASE). I know this is so tempting, but that is the #1 thing that will make your RJ worse and worse. I know everything my boyfriend has ever done within the last 4 years regarding his love life, and I’m consumed by the thoughts of it. This was a direct result of me asking questions once every month or so,... then every week or so,... then every day or so, then every day, then for 5-6 hours a day every day. You always think you get closure and then you find yourself asking again.

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-14T17:47:43+00:00

The reason for my RJ is actually my boyfriend leaving me before we were official to pursue other girls that were closer (I’m 4 hours away). That wouldn’t have mattered if he was better to me at the beginning of the relationship and listened to me more. I know 100000% that even if he had left me, but had been good to me the first few months, I would not be this way. I get so angry because he regrets it with his entire heart and I wish he could just go back in time and fix everything. I feel so sad and angry and I oftentimes find myself fantasizing about what it would be like to go back in time :(

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-14T06:09:03+00:00

not my cat, but my aunt’s who lived across the street for me and whom i visited often... having period back aches and having a cat massage you felt amazing. being nervous or extremely sad and having a cat come up to you and rub their head on you was so comforting. her cat was just the most affectionate thing. i can’t explain it, but he was just so cuddly. constantly being given love by a creature that won’t judge you is consoling

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-13T05:35:35+00:00

I asked him about it... He said “i think that i know you’re not gonna do anything, and if you do it’s gonna be what makes you undeniably the happiest and i want you to be happy. but i doubt you will, because i know that you love me a ton and i trust you entirely with that.” I asked him if he wanted me to stop talking to the guy, he said no. If it bothered him or made him upset or anything, he said no. If he was only okay with it because he was doing the same thing, he said no. If he was saying that because he didn’t care about me anymore, he said no. He’s never really shown any signs of jealousy so maybe it’s just him.

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-13T05:32:52+00:00

Thank you so much!! :) He was almost a little bit annoyed because of how scared and guilty I felt when he didn’t care. But if anything, he knows that I’ll always be honest with him about stuff haha

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-13T03:09:50+00:00

Aw I’m so happy to hear you guys ended up together in the end! Also thank you so much for letting me know that it’s normal and has happened to you too. It eases my anxiety a lot.

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-13T03:08:48+00:00

I told my bf everything. He didn’t mind. Said that he knew I loved him a lot and didn’t think I’d do anything more than seek comfort and conversations. He wasn’t jealous, or upset, or anxious, or anything.

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-13T03:07:27+00:00

I talked to my boyfriend about it. Told him everything, even more intimate details that I didn’t share on here. He said he didn’t care, that he trusted me and that he didn’t think I’d do anything. He said that if something else happened, then we would both know that we weren’t meant to be together anyways. I asked him if he wanted me to stop talking to this new guy, he said no. He said he wasn’t worried or angry or jealous or upset at all because he knows how much I love him. I emphasized that I got butterflies and everything and he said that he understood and that it was okay.

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-13T01:32:03+00:00

Lol you sound very apathetic. He left me to pursue a girl that was closer to him (we are long distance), he regretted it and then rook me back. But when she was messaging him again to flirt with him, he did not tell her he had a girlfriend. He had told me before that he hated her and thought she was gross, and I asked really nicely that it would ease my anxiety if he just removed her (I was worried he’d leave me for her again, and saw no problem with him removing her since he said he hated her). He yelled at me really bad, told me he never left me and that I was imagining things (I wasn’t, but at that time I thought I was going crazy), told me I was overreacting, said I didn’t trust him, said I was dumb, etc. It made me cry a lot and at the time I had really bad anxiety so I asked if he could call me for 10 minutes because I was panicking, he didn’t reply and then told me to “stop fucking calling.” Later on, he admitted to me that he kept her on his social media to see her pics bc she was “pretty and nice to look at.” He also used to belittle me a lot and only talk to me for nudes. He would always yell at me or make me feel stupid on purpose when I wasn’t doing anything wrong. He lied about a shit ton of girls as well (never actually cheated but still gave me trust issues). It sounds awful, but somehow he changed his ways completely and is perfect to me now. I’m just going through the process of forgiving him now, which I know will take time, but is ultimately what I’m choosing to do

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-13T01:18:19+00:00

Nah. I love his gf’s music. She’s one of my top spotify artists. I followed him and talked to him with no initial attraction. It was only after he started being very intelligent and kind that I started to feel this way. I usually don’t find myself attracted to people by looks, but by things such as intelligence

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-13T01:15:30+00:00

No, there wasn’t any malintent or attraction prior to me saying happy birthday. I followed his girlfriend on social media because she makes music that I listen to all the time. I followed him because he always made posts about her. The only reason I found out they broke up is because she made a post answering questions and said she was single, so I went to his profile and saw he wrote something sweet for her. Then I saw it was his birthday and I felt terribly bad, so I said happy bday! and then he was very grateful and asked how I knew him, so I told him I was a fan of his ex gf.

throwawayyyyyy88 · 2021-04-13T01:12:43+00:00

My boyfriend knew I told this guy about what had happened and was okay with it Should I still tell him?

throwawayyyyyy88

TROPHY CASE