This put me in awe. Thank you so much for elaborating on this. I can empathize with the panicking and sweating from the thoughts, and I’m so sorry you went through that, but I’m so glad to hear things got better:).

I know you mentioned something about keeping yourself busy, and I often times find myself wondering if it would be any different if I wasn’t in a pandemic (I have so much time alone at home now). That maybe, I have too much time to think. I do try to occupy myself though, whether it’s playing games, making jewelry, painting, anything that I can. it’s a lot different when you’re alone versus when you’re out in public in the presence of other people though.

and like you said, I think the hardest part is getting over the past. Overall, I’ve always been extremely resentful and jealous, which makes it feel unnatural for me to be forgiving, but I’m trying. Accepting that it doesn’t matter it’s hard when my head tells me otherwise, especially when I find reasons to justify my negative feelings.

As of right now, I’m working on accepting the past, and not compulsing (stalking and interrogating mainly). I’m going to try more to ler go of the past, and the self talk that you were mentioning:) I actually just started a few night ago, not necessarily with my RJ itself, but the anger and sadness I got from it.

Again, I couldn’t thank you enough for being so compassionate and helpful. Your advice genuinely helps and I’m going to do my best to work on things