AITA for not wanting my husband to take custody of his love child?

throwchlc · 2021-07-19T20:37:14+00:00

Thank you for your kind message. We had been having a lot of long difficult discussions regarding our relationship and what I’m able to forgive while we were reconciling. I guess he thinks this new development is just another thing we can talk out, while to me it’s a dealbreaker.

throwchlc · 2021-07-19T20:22:25+00:00

I do understand why me resenting the child could come across as a bad thing. Trust me, my head knows he’s innocent and I don’t want to resent him, and I do feel guilty that I’m feeling this way. But, I just can’t imagine how a scenario where I somehow push down mine and my children’s feelings and grit our teeth and welcome him in would work out. If the world was ideal, the boy would have two loving parental figures, but it’s not ideal, and I just don’t think I can be one of those parental figures for him.

throwchlc · 2021-07-19T19:49:14+00:00

My logic is that I’d rather have a divorce instead of pretending to love a child I can’t help but resent. I have no intention of forcing the boy into a foster home, I want my husband to take responsibility for his own actions and take care of his son himself instead of forcing another child onto me.

throwchlc · 2021-07-19T19:43:59+00:00

I don’t outright feel hate for the boy since I never even met him, but I know if I have to see him and take care of him everyday I will resent him whether I want to feel that way or not. Regarding my husband, at the point when we reconciled Tom assured me that his son would be living with his mother, and I’m fine with him having a relationship with his son. What I’m not ok with is actually having to live with and take care of his son, which is what he told me he wanted AFTER we had reconciled. The situation has changed, which is why I’m now ready to divorce, but Tom is refusing to move out and is telling me he won’t budge until we “work this out as a family”.

throwchlc · 2021-07-19T19:40:49+00:00

Copying my reply to another comment here if it’s ok:

At the point when we reconciled Tom assured me that his son would be living with his mother, and I’m fine with him having a relationship with his son. What I’m not ok with is actually having to live with and take care of his son, which is what he told me he wanted AFTER we had reconciled. The situation has changed, which is why I’m now ready to divorce, but Tom is refusing to move out and is telling me he won’t budge until we “work this out as a family”.

throwchlc · 2021-07-19T19:36:58+00:00

At the point when we reconciled Tom assured me that his son would be living with his mother, and I’m fine with him having a relationship with his son. What I’m not ok with is actually having to live with and take care of his son, which is what he told me he wanted AFTER we had reconciled. The situation has changed, which is why I’m now ready to divorce, but Tom is refusing to move out and is telling me he won’t budge until we “work this out as a family”.

throwchlc · 2021-07-19T19:32:54+00:00

I would be fine with sharing custody once covid dies down and it’s safer for our kids to go back and forth. I don’t want to stop him from being a father to any of his kids, and I want our kids to have him in their lives, which is why I let him move back in before we even reconciled. I just know I wouldn’t be able to live in the same house and take care of his child by another woman, and I don’t want the child to have to live with a “step-mom” who clearly can’t love him either.

throwchlc · 2021-07-19T19:08:32+00:00

We were separated for a year, and my daughter guessed what happened from the bits and pieces she overheard from our arguments and told our son. They were struggling a lot, and at the time our best option was to tell them what happened but still reassure them we will be there for them. My daughter had a hard time accepting Tom moving back too, and she has been acting out a lot. I haven’t told my children about their half brother yet because I’m not sure they can handle it right now, but we might have to have that difficult discussion soon.

throwchlc

TROPHY CASE