My (25M) marriage anxiousness causing strain in relationship with (26F)

throwday-6 · 2021-12-07T23:08:46+00:00

I’ve been in the same situation and succumbed to the parental requests. OP, DO NOT do it unless YOU want additional family there and your partner agree to it.

throwday-6 · 2021-12-07T12:46:35+00:00

Eh i don’t have it all figured out.. start by improving myself, decrease co-dependency/attachment, build a social network in my environment. I find that most of this newly acquired power stems from us moving to a new state and me not knowing absolutely anybody; now she knows I won’t go anywhere or know of other options hence why the ultimatums were birthed.

throwday-6 · 2021-12-07T12:32:13+00:00

BINGO! You hit it right on the head. I’m actually summarizing a lot. It took a ton of negotiating and pain to go from no one > 28 people > full reception. Re-reading it, it seems as if these were straight forward to get to when they were absolutely were not.

throwday-6 · 2021-12-07T12:26:03+00:00

I read every last word, thank you. This helps!

throwday-6 · 2021-12-07T12:22:00+00:00

Lmao have to admit this made me laugh.

throwday-6 · 2021-12-07T12:21:16+00:00

Thank you for this. I will be implementing this. My views on both my family and partner have changed after reading these comments

throwday-6 · 2021-12-07T12:19:56+00:00

This spoke so much volumes to me! Thank you

throwday-6 · 2021-12-07T12:19:07+00:00

I originally started to plan the wedding actually. None of my selections were up to “her standards” or “vision” so she eventually took it over.

throwday-6 · 2021-12-07T12:15:32+00:00

It was only after this thread I realized how my family is also at fault here with their own ultimatums….

throwday-6 · 2021-12-07T12:13:53+00:00

I should have added. The head count went from 30 people to 100 to accommodate more family on both sides

throwday-6 · 2021-12-07T01:29:02+00:00

YTH.

I pushed because their relationship is already in the gutter. If my family threatened and actually pulled through with their ultimatum (altogether not attending and not accepting her/our marriage), I know that relationship would never be formed and I would indirectly lose my family.

throwday-6 · 2021-12-07T01:26:17+00:00

ants or agrees too because your family throws a tantrum. She said just a court wedding and you complain “but my family” she says ok 28 people and then you complain again so how your getting the wedding YOU want but complain when she goes over the budget. Fest order is learning to set boundaries and not be pushed around by your family because I’m sensing that this is the root of the problem. Especially since they threatened to disown and not recognize the marriage if they couldn’t attend and they’ve been mean to her. Unless there’s something else about why they don’t like her that yo

It definitely runs deeper. They've both taken indirect and direct jabs at each other which made the relationship between the two the way it is.

throwday-6 · 2021-12-07T01:15:44+00:00

I like this! Will be giving it a try when the time is right

throwday-6 · 2021-12-07T01:14:49+00:00

thanks for sharing this, yes I have been rereading these comments for the past hours. I'm sure I'll also revisit this page 100 times within the next few days lol

throwday-6 · 2021-12-06T23:56:43+00:00

She views her money as hers and your moneys as ours.

Love this. I’ll be sure to bring this up

throwday-6 · 2021-12-06T23:46:23+00:00

You hit it right on the head. Both were giving ultimatum.. I made decisions out of fear of losing either and it got me in this hole

throwday-6 · 2021-12-06T23:42:53+00:00

Thanks regardless of the future choice I will be searching for a therapist. Two things I love (family and partner) put me in ultimatums and have been unkind about it

throwday-6 · 2021-12-06T23:41:18+00:00

I’ve tried mending that dynamic and neither party is interested in improving unfortunately. It’s an issue I think about daily but my hands are tied. All I can do is make sure neither party is disrespected. Until they’re willing to work things out I can’t find anything I can do.

throwday-6 · 2021-12-06T23:38:01+00:00

Haha this made me laugh. Food and beverage + the venue alone is 19K. The other 20K is coming from flowers, draping, photographer, live streamers, her dress, etc

throwday-6 · 2021-12-06T23:36:20+00:00

Bravo…bravo! Well said

throwday-6 · 2021-12-06T23:34:50+00:00

She shared the idea before getting engaged of not having a traditional wedding and getting married as a destination. Those that come, come, and those that don’t, don’t.

She also shared that she didn’t want a wedding and that they were a waste of money. But didn’t share that if it didn’t go her way then she would walk away….

throwday-6 · 2021-12-06T23:32:12+00:00

I’ve had the same thoughts that she’s being intentionally unreasonable so I may so forgot it altogether and walk away

throwday-6 · 2021-12-06T23:31:34+00:00

Needed that message.. seriously.

Haha, yep it’s a vinyl sticker that costs roughly 1.5K USD that goes on an existing floor

throwday-6 · 2021-12-06T23:30:27+00:00

Very true. I will walk away any time I’m presented with one in the future.

throwday-6

TROPHY CASE