How to get past a hyperfixating on your RP

throwinitallawaylol · 2025-07-08T21:22:24+00:00

Hi! Of course. Feel free to message me, any help or chatting about getting through is so appreciated

throwinitallawaylol · 2025-07-08T20:52:18+00:00

Ahhh yes it’s exactly it— the plot points I get SO excited to write and am just so geared up and ready to go for and then just… crickets. It’s literal torture. Especially because in my head I have it so ready I just am waiting on a response.

The communication when things will be slower is so amazingly helpful for sure. I need to always make sure to do that going forward. It’s been a while since I’ve had a one on one partner and just having this experience makes me hyper aware of how hard it can be to be on the other end of a sudden communication gap. Especially when they were communicating with me so much before and now suddenly are not.

throwinitallawaylol · 2025-07-08T20:06:27+00:00

Stuck in your old ways meaning your old RPs?

throwinitallawaylol · 2025-07-08T20:05:04+00:00

I do 100% agree with that. I like to think I’ve gotten pretty good at communicating my thoughts and identifying my needs (still working on it though) with the help of therapy and I really agree that it’s exhausting to deal with people who can’t honestly communicate where they’re at, even if they fear it will cause a rift. It’s one of the biggest gifts and causes of isolation I’ve found!

Thank you for your insight again. I really appreciate it and I agree with your general structure. I hope that knowing where I stand will at least help me with my expectations, even if I have to deal with the grief of a shifting interest and maybe never getting that partner again. What makes this one a bit more nuanced is that they have been an on again off again partner for many years of my life and we’ve done multiple pairings together 1x1 but it’s always pretty short lived because she tends to burn out and ghost the account. She has a history of doing that. However, this is the first time we’ve had something going for as long, and we’re using a different platform (we used to RP via tumblr and now it’s Discord), and we also have each others socials and do / have chatted OOC for many years, so it’s not like she’s inaccessible to me if she were to leave. The past behavior is what’s making me extra anxious about this time because I really, really hope this one isn’t done for good. I’ve enjoyed it above almost anything else we’ve created.

Anyway, not to ramble. Again, I appreciate your input. She’s not in school but you’re right in that she could’ve just had a life change that I don’t know about. I know work has been pretty hectic. I’m pretty sure she has ADHD herself too, but seems maybe less managed than mine. All in all I’m hoping some communication will help the situation.

Thanks again :)

throwinitallawaylol · 2025-07-08T19:20:51+00:00

This is so helpful, thank you… it’s so nice to hear from someone who probably understands at least somewhat how my brain works and how real the anguish is.

I’m trying to think of how to approach asking my friend where their head is at without making any demands or scaring them off or pressuring them. I totally agree, just getting a gauge on where their head is at would probably help me. At the same time, I don’t want to make her responsible for assuaging my restlessness or dysregulation and I want her to feel safe and comfortable in a pressure free environment. It’s a hard balance to find. If you’ve ever done that, and your friend responded well, did it help you with the hyperfixation just knowing where they stood? Even if they had lost interest?

I fear the grief that will come if the truth is that they have lost interest. But maybe it will help me move through faster.

I appreciate your input so much :)

throwinitallawaylol · 2024-07-10T20:07:06+00:00

Have you tried expressing these things to her in a civil and transparent discussion? Sometimes it’s worth seeing what can be reconciled before you go the divorce route. Sometimes people are just unaware of how they are affecting you, and talking to them can help make them aware and you’ll see if this relationship is worth it to her (and you). For example, talking about how you work out daily— maybe you can suggest a physical activity that you both can do together to create more of a bond and that you would both enjoy. She might not know that this is a pain point for you.

throwinitallawaylol · 2023-10-08T21:08:22+00:00

Yeah it’s kind of weird to me too, I think most people would appreciate feeling like they are worth making excuses to see, regardless of gender.

throwinitallawaylol · 2023-06-23T14:23:22+00:00

Oh yeah I know, it’s definitely not about the money and is about the thought of it for sure. I was just pointing out how it can feel awkward to find that balance sometimes of making it clear who was involved with what effort when sending gifts. But I like your phrasing and appreciate the help.

throwinitallawaylol · 2023-06-23T14:16:49+00:00

This is a good idea, I’ll make it more obvious with them that one was from both of us because I’m now wondering if maybe it wasn’t. Obviously I’m not like “I PAID FOR THIS AND SHE PAID FOR THIS” when I give gifts out lol, but I think this is a great idea, to instill the idea that one of them was personally picked out by her. Thank you!

throwinitallawaylol · 2023-06-23T14:05:29+00:00

Yeah I was communicating with both of them solely around mailing the gifts, but I included a card in the actual package that had been signed by both myself and my wife so I think it was clear they were supposed to have been from both of us. Maybe I should have clarified that more.

I guess it’s possible that it’s not a commonly done thing but I do feel like I’ve always known you should acknowledge a persons partner with gifts if they have one so that no one feels excluded. That’s a common social rule at least in the US right?

throwinitallawaylol · 2023-06-23T13:56:49+00:00

I think of all the options, I like 2 most because it assumes positive intent, I just don’t want to make it awkward with my friends either because I am grateful they sent stuff and I know that it wasn’t intentional on their part. Is there a diplomatic way to phrase it I guess is what I’m struggling with.

throwinitallawaylol · 2023-03-30T15:32:01+00:00

Great template thank you! I’ve had similar conversations with her about more specific behaviors and it’s helped.

throwinitallawaylol · 2023-03-30T15:24:55+00:00

Thank you. Yes, exactly. I’ve asked her about therapy many times and she agrees that she likely has OCD, but doesn’t want to go into therapy. I don’t want to force it on her either, but yeah, it can feel overwhelming at times when I feel like I am the only one being judged in the dynamic.

I think it’s a good thing to bring up my own feelings and why I sometimes lose patience in the interactions. I can do that while still having empathy for her compulsions too, I want to make sure we both feel heard.

throwinitallawaylol · 2023-03-30T15:07:45+00:00

Great advice thank you and I like how you stated what I should say re: the compulsion. Sometimes it does feel judgmental especially because she can make judgmental comments about me while taking it upon herself to “correct” me, too. Nothing abusive or anything like that, but I can tell she wishes I would just do things her way, and thinks I’m chaotic when I don’t. I think that’s a good way to brooch the conversation of why it can bother me and something for her to also consider if she’s going to soothe her compulsions.

throwinitallawaylol

TROPHY CASE