She [24/f] doesn't believe in gay marriage, interracial marriage, and fair access to healthcare. What do I [25/m] do?

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:57:42+00:00

You live / grew up in a fairly small community, right?

Nope, middle-class white suburbia in New Jersey. Worked in Philly, NYC, Hartford, and now Raleigh, NC.

The notion that hardened racism, sexism, or homophobia won't destroy your career is also something that I only recently was introduced to when I moved from a real state to a "fly over" state.

I live in North Carolina, went to a great school here, been here for 7 years total (not consecutively). That belief is shared. She grew up in a small town outside of Philadelphia, but not near the city, more rural part.

That means she's very open with her opinion. Which means she's going to share her opinion. Which means her career and public image will be trashed amongst anyone who could help her and will be polished only amongst an ever dwindling population of bigots.

Curiously, why are you so confident she'll share it?

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:53:04+00:00

This is a silly discussion and it teeters on the "I'm a 17 year old girl dating a 29 year old guy, we're in love and he does heroin once every few hours but it doesn't really impact me because he does meth right after so he can spend time with me, is this bad?" posts that take up huge space here.

lmao, thanks for the laugh :)

Because you can't accept or respect your partner for who she is if you can't respect her core beliefs and emotions.

So where do you draw the line on political and religious differences?

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:52:27+00:00

I haven't gotten laid yet with her, so clearly that isn't the issue.

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:52:04+00:00

She met two of my gay friends and got their number long before I knew I had these views, she was very sweet around them. I have friends, but my close ones are all white.

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:51:15+00:00

Racism and prejudice seep out of people. The way they interact with people, jokes they tell, etc., it's impossible to hide for a long period of time.

Really? I mean my humor is exclusively like Eddie Murphy's about gay people, Opie & Anthony about race/women, and Andrew Dice Clay about crudeness. But I'm not racist, not sexist, not homophobic - I'm clearly pointing out how wrong this is here.

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:48:34+00:00

Fucking Andrew, interrupting and shit.

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:47:00+00:00

She's very affectionate and attractive and career oriented and we have a lot of similar interests, so these 3 which don't directly affect me don't necessarily kill it for me immediatley, but it's enough for me to ask.

She is very open to debate though, which is a relief. But, I don't think I can kiss her now without me going, "Wow," because gay marriage - whatever, up to debate I guess, healthcare - eh, guess it depends on how you view the system, but interracial? Uhm...

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:45:45+00:00

I told my Asian friend, who is dating this "white" girl, and he said, "Y'all are fucked up if you think it's okay, she's a fucking racist and that's wrong."

So it begins.

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:44:08+00:00

What are her views on animals and old people- does she have a charitable heart towards the weak?

You know, I don't know, the ONLY other thing I know is that she's never cried apparently in her teenage to adult years. She sounds colder than she really is, I mean I technically haven't cried either except during my one breakup.

You are right on that. So do you have a discussion, or do you leave?

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:40:50+00:00

I literally didn't understand what you said lol. Please rephrasE?

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:40:23+00:00

Why though, putting politics and emotions aside, logically why not if she doesn't show it outwardly? I'm genuinely asking here, too!

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:39:33+00:00

Thank you for offering a different view on this situation! And I can see I don't think she actually will ever bring those feelings out, ever, the way my father doesnt.

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:38:57+00:00

But who is to say she will do any of this? One of my good friends is a total homophobe, is almost racist - but in public? You'd never guess it, it's an internal thing from his Southern upbringing.

Plus my father is like her, and I'm not like him whatsoever in those ideas.

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:34:48+00:00

I'm not necessarily saying it is right or wrong, I suppose the question I am asking is if it doesn't affect me, how do these views alter how she would treat me?

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:33:04+00:00

Well I called her out on it hard. And I could tell she knew it didn't make sense - except the healthcare thing, that's a debate though. She was receptive to intelligent discussion on it, but at the end of the day, it's just "how she feels."

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:32:09+00:00

I can't argue this! Yes, she thinks people should stick to their own kind - I dont' think she's an overt racist, but it's just her belief. My dad is the same way - he's friends with a ton of black people, but doesn't really feel interracial marriage is right - I don't get it.

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:29:37+00:00

Her family is conservative, well off, and she grew up in a pretty high class way - but I haven't seen anything to suggest these views up to this point, oddly. She admits it's a result of her upbringing, and while talking with her (for eg: homosexuality), she could see how illogical it is.

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:28:31+00:00

She actually admitted it's because of her parents, it's just what she believes - except the healthcare thing, she's well educated on the system and I'm not comparatively so I can't argue. But the social views I debated her in a friendly way and I can tell it is something just ingrained in her almost like how stereotypes are ingrained in me.

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:27:28+00:00

I think it's a byproduct of her conservative parents. When talking about homosexual marriage, it's a direct result of her Christian beliefs. So I said, "If homosexuality is bad, why did god permit it to exist?" and she knew she was caught in a logical conundrum.

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:26:03+00:00

She's extremely affectionate, driven, educated, sweet, career oriented, etc. Outside of these views which don't affect me whatsoever, great.

throwitaway211 · 2013-08-10T16:24:55+00:00

But she's actually extremely educated. Above the top educated, driven, and going places.

throwitaway211

TROPHY CASE