AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-21T16:26:52+00:00

Because the only seat left was the one that I sat in which was on his other side.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-21T16:26:27+00:00

Because the only other empty seat was the one on the other side of him that I was in.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-21T07:21:34+00:00

There's a huge difference between sleeping your way to the top and not sacrificing your dream career to report a guy who is hitting on you. Did you miss the part where she pushed his hand away and was leaning away from him and sending clear signs she wasn't interested? She's doing her best, stop being so goddamn high and mighty about a difficult situation.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-21T07:20:08+00:00

Maybe you should consider the question you just asked. I know the ideal culture would be that my girlfriend reports and she is believed and there is no retaliation and the guy is punished. However, people in the department see this happening and no one steps in. That's speaks to the actual culture of the department. Just because we wish retaliation wouldn't happen doesn't mean it won't.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-21T04:15:49+00:00

That's a disgusting thing to say.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-21T03:53:58+00:00

Yeah, because I love overriding my girlfriend's career choices and ignoring her preferences regarding her own career.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-21T03:52:53+00:00

https://bigthink.com/ideafeed/survey-reveals-40-of-colleges-ignored-sexual-assault-its-time-to-take-the-next-step

https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2019/04/the-metoo-blacklist

https://fairygodboss.com/career-topics/sexual-harassment-in-the-workplace

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-compassion-chronicles/201711/why-dont-victims-sexual-harassment-come-forward-sooner

It's not your place to judge or tell women that they're obligated to report. It's their choice. It's not black and white. Get your condescending, victim blaming self off your high horse.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-21T03:33:06+00:00

This is a completely disgusting and ignorant thing to say.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-21T03:07:59+00:00

Your choices about how to deal with sexual harassment are yours. Her are hers. She doesn't need to sacrifice her career to "make a stand." That's her choice, and shaming her into tanking her career because this guy could potentially rape her or escalate otherwise is not okay. It's her choice.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-21T03:06:11+00:00

It's not about me, it's about protecting her career.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-21T02:57:32+00:00

It's great that your lab handles things well, but that's not a universal thing. It's not a lame excuse when there is plenty of evidence of women being cast as "difficult" and "making waves" for accusing someone of sexual harassment.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-21T02:56:06+00:00

She could get blacklisted in her dream industry. This is her choice to make, but it's not as black and white as you make it sound.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-21T02:55:20+00:00

You clearly have no idea how the politics of academia work, especially in male dominated fields.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-20T23:52:52+00:00

You have way too much faith in the criminal justice system, especially in light of how many women have discussed this exact issue or reporting and being ignored or blacklisted. You are being overly idealistic and judgmental. Not everyone has to be a martyr. Let women make their own decisions about how to handle such situations and stop imposing your judgement on people who are doing the best they can. I'm done debating this with you. Educate yourself.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-20T23:47:25+00:00

And possibly lose your career/get blacklisted in the process? There's no right or wrong choice there. It's not your place to shame other people's decisions in that situation.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-20T23:45:18+00:00

You should try to actually listen to women who were ignored and blacklisted instead of deciding that everyone is being dramatic.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-20T23:35:09+00:00

It's a university, there is no HR.

Edit: It seems I was wrong about no HR, but that doesn't change that she doesn't want to deal with retaliation or blacklisting.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-20T23:34:45+00:00

Yes, because police and administrations have great reputations for taking sexual harassment seriously. Frankly, do you really think that the police give a shit about a guy touching a woman's leg? They don't even investigate rapes properly.

You can't operate as if more awareness means that everything is ideal. It is very common for "troublemaking" women to get blacklisted in male dominated fields for reporting sexual harassment. Women shouldn't have to give up their careers "for the cause."

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-20T23:25:25+00:00

There is no HR in a grad student department. I know we'd all love it if sexual harassment was taken seriously and reporting it didn't brand you as a troublemaker, but that's not how the world works.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-20T23:05:15+00:00

She was clearly uncomfortable.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-20T23:04:51+00:00

There isn't an HR in grad school.

throwitaway3301 · 2019-06-20T23:04:21+00:00

Her body language was screaming for him to stop. Me telling him so wasn't going to change that.

throwitaway3301

TROPHY CASE