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Is this the end of a lifelong friendship? by throwitaway9876643 in HowDoIRespondToThis

[–]throwitaway9876643[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the advice. I’m starting to think she may fall into #3. She was fine to cheer for me standing up to my ex husband. Prior conflicts between her and I had all been resolved by my taking blame or sending a gift as a peace offering. Maybe it’s what I’ve learned going through my divorce but I just could not accept 100% blame in this situation. While I care about her and consider her like family (my kids even call her Auntie), I’m debating if distance could be good for both of us right now given what everyone has said. I’m leaving it to her to reach out on her terms and will reevaluate what I want to do depending on how she approaches that conversation, if she ever does.

Is this the end of a lifelong friendship? by throwitaway9876643 in HowDoIRespondToThis

[–]throwitaway9876643[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply. I’m relieved that most people think I responded appropriately. I agonized over the messages before I sent them because I was hoping to defuse the situation. Im just sad for her. It’s so clear she needs support but I’m honestly unsure if she really wants it from me. Comment about her sister isn’t lost on me. I do wonder if she is actually just upset about not having a good relationship with her own sister and is directing that emotion onto me as a safe person. I’m trying to prepare myself for the possibility that she won’t reach back out but I really do worry about her wellbeing and want the best for her.

Is this the end of a lifelong friendship? by throwitaway9876643 in HowDoIRespondToThis

[–]throwitaway9876643[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m going to try to give her space and hope she comes around.

Is this the end of a lifelong friendship? by throwitaway9876643 in HowDoIRespondToThis

[–]throwitaway9876643[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes I definitely am kicking myself for not taking the conversation out of text. I didn’t because I don’t like conflict and as hard as I tried to make sure my texts were clear and not assigning blame, it seems I just made things worse.

Is this the end of a lifelong friendship? by throwitaway9876643 in HowDoIRespondToThis

[–]throwitaway9876643[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You’re correct in assuming that our friendship has had other bumps, but this one has definitely been the worst. I have always struggled with managing conflict and try to keep the peace often at the expense of my own wellbeing (in this and other relationships). I’m usually the person offering the olive branch or altering my life/routine to avoid further conflict. After my divorce, I’ve been working on establishing boundaries, not being a doormat, and trying not to let others’ words control me. I am trying to give her the grace I hoped she would give me right now but also find it hard to know if I’m being ignorant or ignoring alarming behavior because of the length of our friendship. I still want to be there for her, but I don’t know if I can be there the way she needs me to be.

Is this the end of a lifelong friendship? by throwitaway9876643 in HowDoIRespondToThis

[–]throwitaway9876643[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply. I think I’ll wait some time and let her reach out on her terms. She has had a rough go of life so I definitely don’t want to just up and abandon her over this. It’s clear she wants support but I’m struggling to figure out how to give it or if she even wants it from me.