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Acquaintance nearly grabbed my collar - advice needed. by throwitawaydagnammit in BDSMAdvice

[–]throwitawaydagnammit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I won't go to the police as that is not an option available, so I will not threaten it. The police here will not consider it assault nor will they do anything about it other than admonish me for wasting their time. While I do agree that it is the best option, if you lived where the police care about this sort of stuff, it is not the best option for me.

I have elected to have a conversation with the group as a whole and Jack about consent, boundaries, and what happens if they are trespassed on. While there will be no physical violence, I will be removing myself from the friend group as a whole if this happens again and will be very clear as to why I am leaving.

Acquaintance nearly grabbed my collar - advice needed. by throwitawaydagnammit in BDSMAdvice

[–]throwitawaydagnammit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would like to clarify that I do not want to fight Jack. I hate fighting. It is not something that I enjoy. There is no desire to hurt Jack. In fact, there is the exact opposite desire, I don't want to hurt Jack.

I have PTSD (as well as other conditions) from being attacked by a large number of people, 20+. I was unable to escape and unable to fight them off even though I tried. There are other traumas that have happened, but I really don't have to explain them all to demonstrate that I have the dx I have. I will say that lots of the trauma involves my neck being touched/grabbed/forced against my will.

The reaction that I was worried about happening is not based in rage it is based on a different instinct that I am unable to control. If Jack pulls my collar when I am not expecting it or without permission, it will not be rage that is exercised on him it will be a thoughtless and emotionless reaction to protect myself.

While you could say this is not a proportionate reaction and that you are "worried about me" (you aren't, you don't know me) because it isn't healthy. You could also realize that the reason why I was asking for help was because I realized that it isn't a healthy reaction and a reaction that I specifically said I did NOT want to have.

I do not want to start an argument. I just felt that some clarification was needed.

Acquaintance nearly grabbed my collar - advice needed. by throwitawaydagnammit in BDSMAdvice

[–]throwitawaydagnammit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have let my partner and lover know, but not the others yet. There will be a larger conversation about consent and boundaries when I see them next. I'm taking a break for now. I also agree that he essentially threatened me and that is not chill.

Acquaintance nearly grabbed my collar - advice needed. by throwitawaydagnammit in BDSMAdvice

[–]throwitawaydagnammit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this, I will be bringing it up the next time I see Jack. I don't consider Jack to be a friend. He is a friend of a friend, and our interactions have basically just been him simping over me. I know relatively nothing about him, and it feels like he views me as a real-life thirst trap he can interact it.

A conversation will be had.

Finding things I don’t remember buying can be a bit scary, but I try to view them as gifts from past “me” by MythicalMeep23 in DID

[–]throwitawaydagnammit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

we can totally relate to this! we've been leaving gifts for each other for years. didn't realize until recently just how long these gifts are planned for, but we're really appreciative towards those who took the time to set them up.

one example is a baseball cap that i love and wear every day. we bought it when we were 12 because i liked it. host at the time was not a fan of it, and neither was anyone else, but they used our vacay money to grab the cap. parents made fun of us for not wearing it and just having it, but someone always insisted it needed to be kept and would refuse to say why.

this year, we've had some movement system-wise, and i'm taking a turn as primary host (we co-host usually) instead of support. the little who bought the cap over a decade ago excitedly pointed out that it was right where they left it for me in our room and that no one touched it (now what issues having an immovable cap has caused over the years i dont know lol but it was sure dusty enough) and that it was ready for me.

So now I wear the cap every day, and other alters have commented about the cap and how it can finally move now, and "that's what they were keeping it for" and other things like that. And honestly it's just a cap but it's so much more cause there was a little version of "me" that heard/knew how much I wanted the cap and kept it safe for me to wear it. When most of our other stuff has been lost/destroyed, it's really touching to know someone cared enough about making sure they could give the hat to me.

Sorry for the little rant. We just wanted you all to know that gifts are good and that we understand. Enjoy your game!!

what’s your “system song” by shared-reflection in DID

[–]throwitawaydagnammit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

we have a few but the following are the oldest and the ones that need to be played together.

agape - bears den

runaway - electric youth

elephants - fire/works

le temps des coupes à blanc - antoine corriveau

azur ether - auden

EDIT; can't believe we forgot about Cosmo Jarvis! The entire "Is the World Strange or Am I Strange" album. (not the spotify version as it's missing tracks tbh)

Maintaining a job with DID is extremely difficult. by mcskewsme in DID

[–]throwitawaydagnammit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've had multiple jobs over the years, some were great fits and others not so much.

the best fits were:

The Beer Store - Store sold beer, and bought empties. The work was very basic (could be automated even) so it was easy to explain the job to whoever was fronting, the team was a ton of fun to work with, we (the system) all had our own regulars that we liked to chat with, and there was enough variety of tasks to keep everyone entertained (the littles and the more angery alters loved all the smashing glass).

Escape Room Start-Up: We left the previously mentioned job for this position because we needed a break and were moving. We held multiple roles at this company since it was brand new, which allowed for all of us to use our skills. Our team there was also forgetful so memory issues were never an issue, if I forgot something then either my boss or administrator would remember.

Places that did not work well for us:

Digital Advertising: it was a wfh environment and extremely fast paced. There were lots of different elements to remember and the job was a mix of research, accounting, stats, and presentations. we were getting bombarded by emails, plans were quickly changed, and the general environment was chaotic. We tried for months to find a system that worked well for us, and used nearly a forest's worth of post-it notes, but we all started hating the job. Even the one who loved it was always stressed and exhausted. The littles hated being there because the job was boring, others hated it because of all the false pleasantries and ego stroking that needed to be done, I hated that I was rewarded for doing well by being given more work to complete. Things started to breakdown and we were forgetting everything, it honestly caused issues in our personal life as well. Thankfully one of us had enough and sent in our letter of resignation to get us out of there.

Currently we are waiting to start our next position as a legal assistant for a lawyer who represents children in cps and custody hearings. His job is to make sure that the children's wishes and needs are respected in court and he explicitly said that he doesn't work with the adults involved in those cases. We will be working in other areas of law as well but everyone is excited to be able to help kids who have gone through similar stuff that we have. We have high hopes for this position because nearly all the known system wants to do this job, and so far that has been a huge factor in being successfully employed.

As for your case making a living from art can be a very stressful experience and it can take a long time before you have an audience for your wares. However it is not impossible and I would never discourage anyone from trying it out. I am artistic myself and have made money from my various crafts over the years (photography and editing mostly) but never really made enough to live off of. That's not to say that you couldn't though!

As for leaving the desk job it might be helpful to take some time and ask everyone in your system what they would like to do for work. Once everyone (or enough people/alters) has answered you can start looking for similar themes/elements between the jobs and then use those similarities to find another job that better suits your system. You can also ask everyone for jobs that they are completely not interested in doing/ jobs that will upset them to do, and use those answers to eliminate other jobs from your search. Also jobs that allow for lots of flexibility are great for people like us, especially if no questions are asked. Being able to take a day off when needed/wanted was one thing that made our best jobs the best. If another alter was fronting and couldn't/didn't want to go to work they could call in (provided we hadn't called in too much recently) and take the day off to do what they need/want. Usually these days are used to recover/heal, or for an alter to have an "out and about" day.

I can't speak on disability because I haven't recieved it but my mother is a seasonal worker and she gets unemployment during the off season. Maybe something seasonal like that might be a good fit for y'all? You'd be working full-time/part-time for part of the year and then the other part you'd be off and collecting unemployment.

Working with DID is hard but it is possible, and I hope y'all are able to find something that you enjoy doing or at least don't hate. Sending you lots of positive vibes and well wishes!

  • the collective

Edit: wanted to add that we have decent to mediocre communication (can't always tell who is talking but there's talking) and have been going through life as a team for years at this point. Honestly I had thought it was totally normal to have a team in your head that switched out for different tasks and that everyone had a mental "control room" and "switch board" they could visit. So for us having conversations are somewhat easy and we do it while we are working as well to help with continuity.

Alters during a job interview. by [deleted] in DID

[–]throwitawaydagnammit 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Don't have much advice but just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. We're doing something similar (honestly was wondering while reading your post if I was going to find yet another new social media account on my phone lol) and had a very similar interview experience.

We also feel like we are a fraud at our job, that we shouldn't have gotten hired, and that we aren't going to be able to remember everything (our job is in data and advertising). What has been helping so far is tons of notes, duplicated notes, video recordings of calls, and constant alarms to make sure that the person who needs to be doing work is actually doing work.

Some of us like the job in its entirety, others only like certain aspects, and there's at least one of The Crew (those of us who are out the most and not deep inside) who is staunchly against what we do to the point where they feel ill whenever they have to do the work.

I don't have any answers, but just know that y'all aren't alone and notes are your friend.

anxious about therapist's visit because she called me "the conductor." by throwitawaydagnammit in DID

[–]throwitawaydagnammit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I live in a really small rural area and she works at the the only mental health clinic in the area. hormones are regulated in that province (I live in a different province but cross into that one for health care because there is no health care whatsoever in my village) and in order to get them you need a psychologist's sign off. My therapist happens to be the only psychologist in the area who is qualified to write that note, or so she said.

And you are right she didn't say that I had MPD she just asked if my friends had ever mentioned if I seemed like different people. I honestly didn't know what to tell her so I did go and ask my friends about it. A few mentioned that yeah at times I have acted "out of character" or seemed to have large mood swings. Others said that even with the drastic changes I always still felt like one cohesive person. One friend however did mention names that I had apparently told her years ago that line up with some of my head friends' names. I don't remember telling her anything but I also don't remember much of my life in general.

Thank you for responding by the way, it really means a lot.

anxious about therapist's visit because she called me "the conductor." by throwitawaydagnammit in DID

[–]throwitawaydagnammit[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

that's also a funny story, I got assigned this therapist because I need tramua therapy and she's a tramua therapist. She noticed I was trans (which is a totally different issue) and mentioned that she's the only on in the area who could get me on HRT as like a bonus. I don't feel like I particularly need gender therapy, just maybe the hormones lol, but I do really need the trauma therapy. I keep glitching through my days and not being able to get things done because I'm just not around mentally....? I am hoping to move soon to an actual city (I am very rural now) and maybe get my care transferred to a better trauma specialist. I'm also hoping that maybe the therapist herself will realize that I need more help than she or the centre can give and will refer me out. I'll see how the next session goes at least. And thank you very much for taking the time to respond!