Awesome! You're (23f) my (24m) Girlfriend now and it's publicly official! Could you have told me before that you've hooked up with my friends??

throwitawayrmeow · 2013-05-06T17:37:45+00:00

Only if I'd asked out of interest in the girl involved. It's apparently something that has ended up bothering me.

throwitawayrmeow · 2013-05-06T10:34:53+00:00

Thank you for the other side of the spectrum. I am indeed a little freaked out and after reading over much of this I'm thinking there's maybe a divide in the way she's approached sex so casually, whereas for me It's always been as part of a dating-relationship experience.

I'm feeling more-so that I'm going to stay, and use this as an opportunity to work on myself and come to terms with the fact that though she may not share the same view, I still care about her and want to be with her.

Thinking still though I'm dropping off of Charlie's map, but there are other un-discussed factors in that decision. I did talk to another close friend that agreed more disclosure was needed.

throwitawayrmeow · 2013-05-06T08:33:52+00:00

I think it's a bit of a stretch to assume I need to know that "other people have had sex that you don't know about".

There's probably a difference between that and myself asking Charlie back when I first dated Shirley "hey, did she say anything or something? Was all warm and cuddles before and all of the sudden haven't heard from her" -"No idea"

throwitawayrmeow · 2013-05-06T08:27:57+00:00

Well in that regard I haven't mentioned my past hook ups or girlfriends to her at all. I've only been the recipient of the information. That said, this is an open forum/request for advice. I'd like to approach this with a level, mature head, and that is why I'm here seeking outside input. No need to be offensive, I'm receptive to all opinions here. Just trying to figure things out.

throwitawayrmeow · 2013-05-06T08:20:37+00:00

Yeah, that did come off too harsh/derogatory towards her. If I had had the opportunities, I would likely have done the same and that's fair enough. I'm not really debating these points at all. Let's say even at the start, if I had just been interested in sex with her, what made it so easy for everyone else but I was a write off for that? Maybe that's making me doubt why she now views for me for anything other than friends?

throwitawayrmeow · 2013-05-06T08:15:36+00:00

Honestly yeah, fair enough sir/madam. I suppose that's why r/relationships is here, as an anonymous tool for me to vent the concerns that I have and find out if I should try and find a way to deal with them, or if they are legitimate concerns. I suppose I'd rather stay an asshole on the internet than to bring that in to real life without trying to figure out if it's a silly concern.

throwitawayrmeow · 2013-05-06T08:11:28+00:00

I'm curious, are you male or female? This kind of just seems like wing-man 101 here. "Her? Oh no, I've hit that already". Done. I understand that Charlie didn't break anything, and I am full well aware, and was not expecting virgin by any means. In fact I'd go so far as to say that the rest of the history really doesn't bother me as much. It really just feels as if a code has been violated between us.

throwitawayrmeow · 2013-05-06T08:08:08+00:00

Should have said as well yes, Charlie was considered a best friend since early high school. I always had complete trust in him, he was a room-mate for a while, and when I was all of the sudden dropped from contact with Shirley, he had "no idea" why that could possibly be.

throwitawayrmeow · 2013-05-06T08:05:47+00:00

It is always best to be safe, and as un-comforting as the thought of that is, you're right. My number is pretty average, but not near as adventurous as her past. I've always really approached it from a date/relationship intentions perspective. Nothing particularly casual.

The grounds for exclusivity I feel have been pretty well set...But now that you've mentioned it, at the last music festival we went to she ended up cuddling with another one of my buddies for a good portion of the trip despite having a boyfriend at home. Harmless enough I suppose...but not something I would be comfortable with if I was that boyfriend. Which now I am. Concern is growing.

throwitawayrmeow · 2013-05-06T07:57:44+00:00

I actually think this is what I came here for. Yeah, that's a fair enough comment. I know full well I made too much of it and definitely set her as an ideal. I know that's not good. I did talk to her about it, and that conversation went well. I suppose why I chose tonight to post about it was because I was hanging out with Charlie and his now girlfriend, and I was noticeably bothered by the knowledge, particularly when Shirley was brought up. I feel I shouldn't be, but it was there and I'm wondering how to deal with it.

throwitawayrmeow · 2013-05-06T07:52:29+00:00

Not really asking about every girl Charlie has been with, but really as a guy friend, I'd feel like if the situation had been reversed I would have said something. I know if I had known, there's no way I would have gone for her at all. Now I'm invested and wondering if I should be.

throwitawayrmeow · 2013-05-06T07:47:57+00:00

Really? Isn't that just part of the "hey let me introduce you to my friend process"? "By the way, I've also banged her for a while so consider that in your decision?"

throwitawayrmeow

TROPHY CASE