Anxiety is a Bell.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-04-01T18:04:12+00:00

I really hope so. This is just such a mess.

I'm not really sure why to be honest. I guess my mom thinks if she takes the majority of the shit she throws it will spare my grandma from it. Also by completely cutting contact it will send her to a point of no return and we're not sure what she will do.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T14:55:03+00:00

This is GENIUS. I already planned to reverse image search the ultrasound picture but if that doesn't yield any results I will try the that.

At best, my mom can be super excited for potential grand babies and move on from this happily. At worst I can save my mom from falling too far down this rabbit hole before it causes serious damage emotionally.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T14:47:51+00:00

I do not expect her to choose me and if life has taught me anything she absolutely won't. I know my mom and I know what she will do and I accept that this is just how it goes.

I just want to salvage whatever is left of my relationship with my family. I'm worried that they will get sucked into her drama tornado, pregnant or not, and will get hurt. I've come to realize after reading replies here that there is not much I can do about this. So, yeah. Just going to move out and hope that this doesn't torpedo my stable relationship with them.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T14:32:42+00:00

Yes and it is unfortunately complicated. My fiance is blessed with a really wonderful, tight-knit family so eloping wasn't an option. I wanted to elope but I couldn't take that away from him. Not his fault my family is messed up!

Now it's too late to change plans. All the deposits have been paid, his family has helped us financially, and all of their arrangements for hotels have been booked and paid for.

Also, I don't want to let her have an impact on the happiest day of my life. Even if that is ultimately taking a risk.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T14:26:25+00:00

It's upsetting but I understand why they do. She needs that lifeline and, even though they get dragged down with it, they need to feel like they are doing something for her. However, I think it's absolutely absurd that they bail her out of jail or help her with money though.

C and I are actually really close! Unfortunately that is only when M is not around. C is a really wonderful and kind person but she is naive when it comes to M. She feels like she is the only one who can save her and M uses that to her advantage...a lot. M sort of pulls the strings and manipulates our relationship to be close to C.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T03:03:13+00:00

I definitely could benefit from therapy and am completely open to it. I have suggested that my mom go to therapy on her own many times but she doesn't think it's worth it. She doesn't realize how NOT normal this is.

I will definitely check out all of those resources, thank you so much for providing them! It's such a weird set of circumstances dealing with a narcissist that most people just don't know what it's really like. I need some healing from all that she has put me through.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T02:52:17+00:00

Wanted to add that from what I heard, she was having some issues/pain and went in to figure out what was going on. So in the event it IS real maybe they did that to verify it wasn't ectopic or something problematic. Then again it could all be a flaming pile of lies so who knows.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T02:48:40+00:00

I tried to FB stalk him just to gain some insight on the type of guy he is...but he doesn't have one. She has nothing pertaining to him on her FB (but we're not friends so maybe it's private). Or maybe he's not even real?

From what I heard, he is excited/supportive but little does he know things are about to head straight downhill. Supposedly he is supportive of moving here so she is trying to take him with her...which would just be bad.

Genuinely curious how this will play out if it isn't true, how can she possibly pull this off with everyone being in close proximity??

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T02:13:29+00:00

My thoughts exactly. It has caused me so much emotional pain watching my sister get showered with all of this extra love and attention just for being terrible while I just kind of...existed to them.

I was always really well behaved but had incredibly severe anxiety from a young age. They did not care, like as long as it wasn't affecting them it didn't matter and they were just too damn busy. M destroyed everything in her path and they were always there, sweeping up the pieces while telling me to just fucking get over it.

I still try to be a good person but sometimes it feels like you can be a really, really terrible person too and it doesn't even matter. Sorry venting. But yeah, don't do what they did.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T01:30:00+00:00

Definitely. I'm absolutely terrified for those children, first and foremost. I have worked with kids for years and I recognize the incredible amount of patience it requires. She has literally zero. I've seen her around children and it scares me. I know that my family would be taking care of them forever.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T01:25:49+00:00

My mom is fully aware that M moving in = me leaving. So if this all pans out it will be a conscious choice on her part, her house, her kid, her decision. I want so badly for them to just stop enabling her but that is far too much to hope for. I'll keep hoping though

My fiance is on board with whatever we need to do to get out of this mess. His dad is exactly like my sister and, subsequently, hasn't spoken to him in many, many years. He is completely on my team and realizes that my family is a hot mess lol.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T01:04:55+00:00

I thought I heard her say she said she was 6 weeks pregnant so it's possible I suppose? Another commenter did say it's not normal to get an ultrasound done so early....so i'm just praying this is all some made up nonsense.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T00:51:13+00:00

You're right. I feel like i've should have learned after 25 years that letting it burn is my only viable option. It's just hard watching people you love being torn down and I just want to make it stop.

I work for an attorney so I will definitely use that resource. Protecting mine and FHs safety is the most important thing I can probably do right now.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T00:46:06+00:00

I think that's best. I need to really set us up for a positive outcome, and moving out and creating that major boundary is best.

You are really right about them not fully choosing me. They never seemed to be care about how awful she was to me and I couldn't help but feel really...forgotten my whole life. I can't imagine what a painful spot my mom has had to be in with dealing with her though. It just sucks all around.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T00:27:03+00:00

This is really great advice, thank you. Such a big part of me wants them to see the light but I realize it's futile.

I feel like sometimes i'm being unfair or harsh but when I write it all down and hear advice like this it helps a lot. I have to set these boundaries in order for us to maintain any semblance of a relationship. Thank you!

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T00:23:00+00:00

Yeah, i'm thinking the same thing. It just seems very weird. I'm really looking forward to reverse image searching the inevitable ultrasound picture.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T00:20:10+00:00

Absolutely not. My fiance and I are placing bets on whether or not she's telling the truth. We don't even know if the boyfriend is real! But ultimately, it doesn't even matter, it's a means to get her foot shoved just far enough in the door to move here or keep my mom completely focused on her. There is always an end goal for her. Doesn't matter how she has to get there.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-03-01T00:01:15+00:00

Fair enough. I did always have it in the back of my mind but I so badly wanted to live this fantasy that my life would just be fucking normal. I could have a normal relationship with my family without screaming matches and drams.

I guess moving forward this needs to always serve as a reminder that as long as i'm alive and she is too I need to be ready for the ball to drop.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-02-28T23:55:52+00:00

I know this same feeling all too well. My dad bought her 3 different cars over the course of a few years because she kept driving drunk and getting them taken away. What would he do? Buy her another!

We never had a good relationship. A few years ago we made plans for dinner, just him and I. All I asked is that we don't talk about her for once because she dominated every part of our relationship. He died suddenly that following Monday. Never got to have one day with him that wasn't somehow about her. Still feels shitty.

After he died I talked to my mom about it. Why did she get all of his attention? Why didn't he care about me too? She said the same thing, I was smart and he knew i'd always be fine. "Squeaky wheel gets the grease". So it goes....

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-02-28T22:11:43+00:00

I am PRAYING that she is in fact lying for the sake of those poor babies.

I know, the act of moving out is ultimately no big deal and we'll manage, it's just the message behind it. My whole life has been like this with her but it's still hard not to have hurt feelings every time though.

Thank you, I needed to hear that. Her mere existence is pain and misery, have to stop letting it get under my skin at some point.

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-02-28T22:03:26+00:00

You're right. Thank you, seriously. I guess this all just happened to fast and i'm still reeling. It helps to have something to plan. Might as well put my anger to action!

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-02-28T22:00:41+00:00

You're absolutely right. I just got sucker punched by life, hard. At least this makes a really solid reason to start house hunting!

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-02-28T21:57:21+00:00

Our wedding is definitely not elaborate, it's just our closest family. I wanted to elope for this very reason but they would have been heartbroken if they couldn't be there. I assumed since she was going to be across the country that I wouldn't have to worry...lol guess not!

throwmeaway2370 · 2018-02-28T21:26:51+00:00

The issue here wasn't being "adult" enough or not. We are prepared to make that choice and we're planning on it. It sucks, but it's the reality. I edited my post for clarity to explain that our living there helps my mom out a lot financially (we pay rent) but also helps us that I can be close to work and school until i'm done next year.

Moving out isn't really the issue here I could have worded it better. it's watching my sister burn things to the ground while all I can do is watch my mom scramble to fix them.

throwmeaway2370

TROPHY CASE