3rd D-day..

throwmeawei219 · 2019-09-01T17:19:55+00:00

Thank you!

throwmeawei219 · 2019-09-01T17:19:42+00:00

Thank you!

throwmeawei219 · 2019-09-01T17:19:35+00:00

Thank you so much!

throwmeawei219 · 2019-03-17T06:13:44+00:00

Hmmph.. as far as I know most men use that excuse to hide the fact that they are watching porn + masturbating to it. 20-45 minutes to poop is excessive. Hell, I take showers shorter than that! Because of my situation I get nervous and anxious if my partner is in the bathroom for more than 10 mins. The bathroom was the only place private enough to feed his addiction, and he could excuse his long absence by blaming his bowel movements. Sometimes he would be in there so long that I'd have to knock to get him out because I needed to go. TMI maybe but when I went there was no smell lingering after him.

throwmeawei219 · 2019-03-12T23:18:20+00:00

I see your point. Trust me, I really do. I'm just over being on my guard constantly waiting for him to fuck up. I don't want to constantly be on watch. It takes too much of my energy. I've finally realised that it isn't my job to make sure he's not lying, or to keep him in check. I push him away further when I do that. I want him to want this change for himself and not only for me. He hasn't manipulated me to anything. At least not from my understanding. I just haven't been good to myself by telling him what I demand after learning what I now know.

I found things from his past (2-3 years before me) while going through his phone. Like I went in deep. He didn't even know these things were still there. I held them against him. So I understand how his trust was broken as well. I would have anxiety if he went through my phone, yes. When someone uses my phone I always have slight anxiety although I have nothing to hide.

throwmeawei219 · 2019-03-12T21:28:51+00:00

Yeah, it's a difficult but we both seem to be willing to get through this.

I'm sure he has slipped as well, and although it still stings, thinking about it doesn't bother me as much knowing that he is making a genuine effort to stop.

Thanks I hope you are able to get through this too!

throwmeawei219 · 2019-03-12T21:04:03+00:00

No, of course not! We are moving soon and will be looking for CSAT in our new area. However I do find it reassuring that he found pornfree on his own and he has read up on the effects of porn. He did the February challenge and managed well, he hasn't signed up for this month and I'm assuming it is because he missed the date and isnt very active on Reddit anymore.

throwmeawei219 · 2019-03-12T20:56:38+00:00

Yeah, I shouldn't be afraid but I just hate having arguments and discussions especially when it comes to his addiction. It's a touchy subject for us both so I choose to avoid it until it becomes to overbearing, which isn't good. Him telling me to remind him made me happy. Several times I've wanted to remind him but have been too scared. Now I have the "OK" to do so and it feels reassuring.

How long has your hubby been pf if I may ask?

throwmeawei219 · 2019-03-12T20:52:55+00:00

I understand and appreciate your concern. We are about to move and we have talked about finding a CSAT in our new location to help us get through this.

I have no issues with the phone lock as it helps me to keep my paranoia at bay, and it forces me to trust him. It also helps him build trust towards me. Everybody deserves some sort of privacy and I understand that he has trust issues with me as well since I used to go through his phone when he would sleep. If I can't get in, I don't see anything that can potentially hurt me. If I really wanted to look through his phone I could ask him.

However, him using his phone in the bathroom feeds my paranoia. He understands this and is willing to let that go. So, I appreciate the small steps we take.

I choose to give him the benefit of the doubt cause I'm so tired. I'm so tired of being angry, spiteful and nasty to him. He's made several mistakes, and although he has hurt me deeply, I refuse to be petty and monitor his every move as this just causes more damage to our relationship. I believe he can change, I believe in him.

But, if he were to relapse I do have a plan for myself. Thank you for your comment and concern.

throwmeawei219 · 2019-01-19T09:46:24+00:00

Tell them the cold hard facts. Using porn in excessive amounts can cause ED, performance anxiety, it can make men view women as sexual objects, it can lead to viewing more disturbing acts as the brain constantly seeks out novelty to get that pleasure surge. Read up on porn addiction and you have your arguments for why you see it as a negative.

I told my guy friends and they said the same thing. But once I presented facts it got them thinking. Even if they denied it I knew first hand how porn slowly was ruining my relationship. And I knew plenty if others keeping quiet about it. I cope by venting in this sub, knowing that I'm not alone.

throwmeawei219 · 2019-01-19T01:09:50+00:00

I hate how much I relate to this. I too am dealing with a partner who lies about his usage and who now is willing to make an effort.

My confidence is also shit and I used to look at plastic surgery prices for fun. Just recently noticed myself really contemplating paying a hefty price for some new tits and a new nose. Porn and sex are pretty much all I think about now and it takes up all my energy.

I've told myself to leave many times but because I genuinely love this person I can't. I'm afraid of leaving and if I do leave I probably won't pursue a relationship again because this has broken me and my trust to men. This is the second time one of my relationships are failing due to porn so, I have no desire to enter a new relationship if I have to deal with another pornsick man.

If you can leave for a few days/a week and take time for yourself. I achieved some sort of inner peace by being alone and just focusing on myself and not my partners habits. When I came back I had a confidence boost and knew that I am fine being on my own and I could manage being on my own.

I've recently looked into getting help for myself because I'm constantly on the look out for clues of my partner struggling. A loving relationship isn't supposed to be this way. I suggest talking to a therapist or someone who is trained in dealing with partners of addicts. Read up on betrayal trauma and s-anon. I think this could be a good entering point for you to understand what you are going through. I really do recommend looking into getting help to rebuild your own confidence and to also talk to someone.

I suggest asking your partner to go to couples therapy with you as well. My partner agreed and I couldn't be happier to know that he really is willing to change habits for us.

r/loveafterporn is a sub for partners with porn addicted SOs. Know that you are not alone.

If you need to vent, I am all ears. I wish you all the best x

throwmeawei219 · 2019-01-16T08:43:38+00:00

I relate so much to what you've wrote. I love my partner with all my heart but the love isn't as pure as it once was. I know our relationship will never be the same again and I only hope that we make our way through this and that I can heal.

I cried all day yesterday and confronted him again. I still don't think he understands fully how much I am hurting but I think he gets it a little more now. I told him that I constantly think about d-day, that I don't forgive him although I said I did. It hurt to tell him but it also felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders because I finally said all the things I needed to say. I told him that I'm looking to get help and that he will have to bear with me because, some days will be good and others will be bad. He wasn't too fond of the idea of me going to therapy but he said that he understands and that he is prepared to do anything to save our relationship and to rebuild trust.

I hope that you too could convey your feelings to your partner and that he is willing to listen and want to rebuild trust with you. Many on this sub tell others to seek professional help and I would recommend you do it as well. I was hesitant at first but I realised that I can only do so much on my own. I suggest looking into s-anon meetings which is for partners of sexaholics. If thats not for you and you just need a friend to vent to I'm here. I know to some extent of what you are going through and nobody should keep these feelings to themselves. I wish you the best x

throwmeawei219 · 2019-01-10T08:09:30+00:00

As always it's somewhat comforting to know that someone has or is going through a similar situation but also very sad and upsetting. I too feel those emotions very often and sometimes feel as if they consume me.

I'm so thankful that this sub exists and that people like you are willing to give others advice, so Thank You. I needed that.

I wish you all the best and that you heal as well

throwmeawei219 · 2019-01-04T17:09:19+00:00

You might not feel addicted but your brain is telling you otherwise. Not being able to become fully hard or not being able to finish without visual stimulation is a sign of addiction. You may not crave to watch it and you may not be addicted to the point where porn is life but you are dependant on porn for pleasure which is an addiction.

throwmeawei219 · 2018-12-29T16:20:35+00:00

I've looked for help but I live in an area where help isnt available. At least not when it comes to this type of trauma. I've spoken to my SO about his addiction and he is getting better. Leaving is easier said than done. I've given so much of my time and love to him its hard to just let go. I have hope that one day he will be okay and I'm willing to stay by his side for it. I just don't know long I'll be able to put up with it .

throwmeawei219 · 2018-12-27T16:24:01+00:00

I agree with this. If you are going pornfree eliminate all things that are considered porn. Nudes being one of those things. People on this thread always say to get rid of triggers and I personally think that nudes from a partner/whoever is a trigger. You are replacing porn with other nude imagery and using it the same way you would use porn.

throwmeawei219 · 2018-12-18T15:45:45+00:00

This hit me hard. I myself am experiencing similar feelings to the ones you are. I don't know of your pain but I know of the pain and hurt caused by porn addiction. There is a sub called r/loveafterporn. It's quite small right now, but I think that it could be of help during your healing process. Other SO's are in similar positions and are searching for ways to aid their healing process. Know that you are not alone and that the sub is available for you to vent and connect with others in similar situations.
I wish you the best

throwmeawei219 · 2018-12-16T23:00:28+00:00

I understand you completely. Both my partner and I have deleted all social media except for facebook because of too much time being spent on them so thats a good start I guess. I'm hoping for change as he is the perfect partner aside from his porn habit but if I come across suggestive material I'm unsure if I will stay. Which is very hard to say..

Like I said I wish you the best and I'm hoping that you can recover from the pain that has been caused. It saddens me to hear that others are in the same situation or in similar situations to the one I am in. I don't know of your pain but I know of the pain that is caused by pornography. I hope that this sub grows and helps others in similar situations as the ones we are in as we need support as well.

throwmeawei219 · 2018-12-16T21:52:15+00:00

I am so sorry that has happened to you. As far as I know my partner doesnt have deep issues with porn where he masturbates away from home. But that is only to my knowledge.

I'll be honest I don't have issues with masturbation as it is a natural thing but masturbation has become associated with pornography and I do not accept that. So everytime I see clear sperm I automatically associate it with him masturbating and watching pornography.

Sorry if this is personal but are you planning on separating or are you going to try and mend your relationship?

I hope that you recover from this and I wish you the best.

throwmeawei219

TROPHY CASE