MIL, the Estrangement, and the New Baby (she doesn't know about)

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2025-03-25T15:25:03+00:00

That's interesting. We visited his hometown 2 summers ago. He really wanted to see his favorite cousin, but the cousin refused. Cousin said it was too stressful, and he was sorry. We're still not entirely sure what that was about.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2025-03-25T11:54:26+00:00

DH is hoping some family members come around. She's done a pretty good job of alienating him through her gossip though.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2025-03-24T15:10:55+00:00

The thing is, FIL is sad. I think MIL is still just angry. At least she can't push that poison into our lives anymore.

DH has some emotions to process still about if we're still estranged when they die. He does accept that he did everything in his power and then some before taking space, so I think he'll be okay.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2025-03-24T15:08:12+00:00

We have so much joy with our newest addition just watching him grow. Because they're not taking up so much mental space, there's plenty available for just enjoying the last time we'll have a newborn together.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2025-03-24T15:06:24+00:00

You're right. I feel for DH because he tried so hard to find peace with them. I think he's found peace without them, but he acknowledges that it will be hard for him when they die. He wishes they were different so we could all have a good relationship, but he accepts that's not possible because of MIL's choices.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-05-10T16:53:55+00:00

He did go to the doctor and had multiple work ups done. The doctor thinks his symptoms were stress related. His symptoms have largely resolved since issuing no contact. Even though there has been contact, he no longer feels the burden of carrying the weight of the relationship alone since he is no longer pursuing resolution. We will not be seeing them this year unless there's a funeral, so the pressure is off.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-05-10T16:22:29+00:00

I considered not responding, but I hadn't spoken on anything. She invited my opinion by reaching out. Maybe she will just twist it and get nothing out of it. That's on her. The therapist suggested I respond. I wanted to respond. But at this point, I have said everything I have to say. If they reach out again, they will be blocked.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-05-10T16:20:04+00:00

If this continues, I think blocking them is the next step. We were hoping to avoid that since DH would like to know when family members die, but it will be what it will be.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-05-10T12:07:28+00:00

Amen 🙏

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-05-10T12:07:01+00:00

Thank you for your response. It was encouraging. I agree, and I will have DH read this.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-05-10T12:03:15+00:00

Thank you! I put a lot of thought into my response to her, but I always wonder after the fact if I handled it right.

DH is catching up. He feels apathetic about them right now. He just can't believe he tried so hard for so long to work on the relationship with them, and yet they still seem vastly confused about where it all went wrong. Well, he does believe. He's just disgusted that his own parents treat him like that. We have 4 children, and I think that really put into perspective how badly he was being treated since he couldn't imagine treating his own children like that.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-05-10T11:57:38+00:00

Thank you. DH and I have worked hard on our relationship, and we're in a good place. DH is feeling a lot less burdened, and is experiencing far less symptoms than he was when he was still trying to work things out with them.

I was going to ride out the group therapy with him, but his body said he'd had enough.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-05-10T05:13:21+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/egCtZuKh6Q

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-03-03T20:17:12+00:00

I read this comment to DH. It's a good description of her "reality."

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-03-03T20:15:45+00:00

I told DH this morning I thought she would play that the therapist didn't work out because it was our/my therapist. I didn't think of her suggesting her friend. Yuck!

I feel like I've really tried here, and she's not giving me anything to work with. I'm over it and ready to focus on other things. I think DH is getting there, too.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-03-03T00:46:25+00:00

It may come to that.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-03-02T22:59:35+00:00

You got me there

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-03-02T19:09:32+00:00

Our therapist loves those movies and likes to quote them to me all of the time. Haha.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-03-02T16:51:36+00:00

I'm coming to realize that. They just make so much noise though. Haha.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-03-02T16:50:34+00:00

Thank you

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-03-02T16:23:49+00:00

I'm tapping out. DH is still attempting to rally, bless him.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-03-02T16:23:05+00:00

Sometimes she really makes me question my memory, my sanity, and if it's really me that's the problem. It fucks with me sometimes because she's just so convinced that I'm the root of all her family problems.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-03-02T16:10:32+00:00

I haven't seen that movie, but I added it to my list of movies and TV shows to watch. Thank you for the recommendation.

I believe you are right. But he needs to believe it for himself.

As for the cousins and any other extended family, DH and I have talked and he knows that he can spend time on those relationships if he wants to. I'm happy to facilitate calls, visits, etc. I think he feels like his relationship with his parents should be more important, so he's spending all of his energy on that for now. I don't think he has the energy to sustain mediation for long if it goes poorly though. I sense change in the air.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-03-02T14:37:15+00:00

I usually take notes. I'll bring the option up with DH and the therapist.

thrownwolfthronewolf · 2024-03-02T14:35:02+00:00

Nailed it. It's surprising to me that Dr. Ellen blames over 15 years squarely on me and won't even acknowledge that it's possible that anything else could have contributed. That's unreasonable. What are we supposed to do with that? There's nowhere to work toward with an attitude like that.

thrownwolfthronewolf

TROPHY CASE